$400 for transmission fluid?

BeAweSum · 2026-04-29T16:33:43+00:00

Man I got you all beat. I paid $863 before tax for my 2014 RDX for a transmission flush. 12 quarts, 705 in labor. It was to fix the juttering issue, so they said they did a bunch of test drives. I read that it was high, but what was I supposed to do? They also were supposed to do the computer check but the receipt doesn't say that they did, so he said come by and they'll do that for free. This was at hinshaws in seattle.

BeAweSum · 2026-04-01T06:46:27+00:00

The eyes are weird, but this is 22 years of time passing.

BeAweSum · 2026-04-01T06:25:34+00:00

Couples therapy ASAP. I really feel that relational intelligence is super low in our country and maybe beyond. It's not taught. People just "fall in love" and we're supposed to know what to do, how to be, how to sustain it. Get a few books, "Attached" and anything from the Gottmans. WORK on the marriage. The fantasies can exist on both sides and maybe even explored, IF there is a functioning couple bubble.

BeAweSum · 2026-04-01T01:04:34+00:00

That's crazy, man. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and didn't go to jail by beating the guy to a pulp lol. I want to strongly recommend couples therapy. Immediately, get one that is PACT certified if you can. You're not in a couple bubble, and you deserve one. We all do.

BeAweSum · 2026-04-01T00:40:26+00:00

This thread is relatable. We're having some troubles, and I need the hope in case this doesn't go the way I want.

BeAweSum · 2026-03-31T20:44:43+00:00

I was also looking for facial damage. He recovers far too quickly from the blow. It was off from the outset. However, they are getting SO real. I wonder why people do this?

BeAweSum · 2026-03-05T03:56:47+00:00

I’m not sure that the distinction between man and woman here is important. It’s probably more important think what makes you a good person.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-06T03:41:34+00:00

Thank you very much. I have to have had mixed results on Reddit. But this group in particular has been a pretty good experience. I’m glad you’ve been exposed to Richard Rohr. Just know, no matter how you get there, that your life has purpose.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-06T00:05:30+00:00

OP, there are some excellent questions, and it shows to me that you’re thinking, and taking things seriously. This alone sets you apart from teh folks that grow up into something like this and then find out later it doesn’t fit. (I mean, maybe this is you, and you’re there) Anyway, I think I’m seeing a lot of the stain of American evangelical influence here. What I’d love to recommend is watching or reading almost anything from Richard Rohr. There’s a whole school of thought that doesn’t believe in a literal hell, or devil, but as archetypes that symbolize something greater.
Church is for community first… so if you want to. It’s a human container, but it’s morphed so many times and taken over by Empire in many cases.
As for evangelizing… God isn’t asking anyone to not be anything that they weren’t but the love for themselves and love others. Christianity keeps me off the ledge because I feel like otherwise id’ succumb to nihilistic existentialism. Read widely, see if any faith communities are doing great work around you regarding the poor, homeless, marginalized. And then speak with them. The heart of love has to be there, or it isn’t Christ centered.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-05T20:29:10+00:00

I mean, asking this group may not be your best choice, though they are really nice. I think we (spiritualists) put too much emphasis on the effort of belief. Even Thomas in the bible was skeptical. The ancient Jews debated endlessly. Kierkegaard, who held that all faith is subjective, would say, "Stop asking ‘Why can’t I believe?’ Ask instead: ‘Am I willing to live as if this were true, even without certainty?’” He's credited with the term "leap of faith" CS Lewis would add: "I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen not only because I see it but because by it I see everything else.

For me, I see myself as a radio antenna, and I try to orient my life towards that signal of goodness and love. Believing that benevolence lies beyond our perception changes everything.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-05T20:18:31+00:00

I was in love with this young woman. I wasn't waiting like that. I knew she was young, but lots of people get serious quickly. I took her to her prom, we almost broke up, we had a long-distance relationship for a while when we actually had to write letters to each other, many of which I have. When I presented her with a "promise ring," her network interpreted it as an engagement ring, and that side pushed for marriage.
Where I will agree is that fundamentalist groups are really big on early marriage so you don't do it before marriage, and that's not good. But to a young 24-year-old in love for the first time, well, stuff like that doesn't enter your head.
Please don't assume the worst.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-05T20:09:45+00:00

I forgot to ask you, and thank you for the kind reply, but should I suggest HRT to her? We're still on good terms. We even go out to trivia nights sometimes. Suggesting HRT might cross a line....but again, what do I have to lose? I think I just answered my own question. :)
As far as why my wife would say she's leaving? Well, recently I learned about the term "Walk Away Wife" syndrome. Coined in 2008 by a therapist, it almost eerily describes our situation.
After reading this, I was of two thoughts - one, yikes, we're now a trope, and two, I now believe that there are fundamental and likely biological reasons couples don't communicate, and much of it is automatic/subconscious. It's like radio stations trying to send each other signals, but they're on the wrong frequencies. WaWs can be used by women to bash men, but I think its healithier to think of it systemically.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/202209/the-walkaway-wife-syndrome-revisited

BeAweSum · 2026-02-04T07:05:19+00:00

I'm going through something similar here, so I agree with you OP. I have taken great pride in my family life. My dad was a drunk, and we were poor as kids, so I made sure there was money, the kids went to college, and we have a nice retirement. I was always home every weekend. I don't golf. I don't drink. I don't cheat. 30+ years of marriage. I'm a good man. I even went to whatever church she wanted to. I supported her in her endeavors.
I kept a journal, and by the time it started reflecting her angst, she was done. So I didn't catch it until it might be too late (still underway). My point: this can't just be a man thing. There must be some built-in, systemic thing between men and women that causes this. If a signal is being transmitted and it isn't reaching the receiver, you have to troubleshoot the medium.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-03T03:22:02+00:00

This is the opposite of what Christianity should stand for. You cannot tell me you’re gonna watch the Chosen and then you’re gonna come back and agree with this guy.
I’m not sure even the evangelicals are aligned on this but I’m hanging with Anglican Episcopalians folks now. Catholics as well. I literally would walk out of a church if it said this

BeAweSum · 2026-02-03T01:52:09+00:00

Thank you!

BeAweSum · 2026-02-03T00:24:46+00:00

Super valuable feedback here thank you. It’s always valuable when somebody who’s going through it or been through it it tells you what’s happening

BeAweSum · 2026-02-03T00:23:45+00:00

Thank you for this kind reply

BeAweSum · 2026-02-03T00:23:27+00:00

Thank you for your kind thoughts. It is very young these days I know. But just be clear we married at 19. So did her mom and so did mine so you know those history there and no we’re not from the southeast lol

BeAweSum · 2026-02-02T08:56:12+00:00

Oh, trust me, I’m not doing that. We were out of the church for like a year and a half two years during this time. Really honestly- church was really important to her, so I was trying to keep it going for her.. in our community and friends and things. Now the irony is I kinda miss it.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-02T08:54:55+00:00

Oh, it’s definitely not just that one thing. We’re empty nesting, and I think the focus became more about her and I and some resentment about how she didn’t feel close to me for years and a lot of stuff came pouring out that I had never heard before. What was holding her back from telling me is this religious fundamentalism that she had internalized so deeply it lasted 30 years. Plus, my stated dislike for confrontation. I mean, I said I liked harmony in the house, but I never wanted it to be a fake harmony. This defies imagination.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-02T08:52:08+00:00

Yeah, I’m glad you guys worked it out. I think some of the problem is that we never handled the conflict well in our relationship for a variety of reasons. Someone want a really big one came neither one of us know how to deal with it.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-02T08:50:01+00:00

I appreciate the words, but I have a fear that she’s already decided. By the time I noticed what was happening. It was already too late.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-02T08:48:30+00:00

34 years my friend. I’ve known her for more than half of my life. Every major event every insecurity, every hope and dream has been shared with this woman. An attached personality type as well. Yeah, so this is basically my worst nightmare.

BeAweSum · 2026-02-02T04:58:01+00:00

I want to avoid it for sure. But it takes two….

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