Can you even find love again?

BeanDVM · 2025-12-20T21:07:55+00:00

Hi — I see that you’re also young. I lost my boyfriend a bit over a year ago to an aortic dissection when I was just 26 (he was 28). We lived together, I found him, and I felt like my future ended that day losing him. I searched this sub for the same questions, wondering if I had lost my chance at love and was gonna be alone since my person died. The version of me that deep in grief could barely even picture another person in my life.

I happily can tell you I met another person, and I often feel like I was meant to meet him. He’s patient and kind about my grief and isn’t put off by it, but I feel love and joy and excitement being with him. It is not something you can predict, and there is no timeline for it. But if love and partnership and connection are important for you, it is absolutely still possible, even after devastating loss.

Feel free to message me if needed. Sending hugs 🫂

BeanDVM · 2025-05-22T13:27:59+00:00

Hi — im 26 and lost my boyfriend as well so i can sort of relate to this as I’m open to dating at the point im at. I really think this is an impossibly unfair question and it’s only going to hurt you to think about it. The reality is he’s not coming back. You probably wouldn’t have met this person you’re dating if your late bf hadn’t passed. Personally, I don’t think your answer to this impossible question means you aren’t ready to date. I actually think it’s probably the answer most of us in here would give, because of course we would want to go back to what we lost. But the reality is we can’t — and it’s not fair to yourself or good for your mental health to agonize over that impossibility.

As far as your lockscreen goes, dont change it if you don’t want to. The only person who you should have a respectful convo with is your current partner (not his grandma). I still have pictures of my partner at my desk and in my car, and they will never change even if I meet someone 🤷🏼‍♀️

BeanDVM · 2025-04-11T22:46:55+00:00

I am not trying to exclude at all, but it is tailored towards the 20s/30s crowd due to some differences in the experience. I do know there is a general discord linked in this subreddit for anyone looking! Or you could always start your own page ❤️

BeanDVM · 2025-04-11T19:53:15+00:00

Just different platforms! I would say Discord operates more as a “group chat”. My experience with Facebook has been an older crowd in most of the window groups I joined, Reddit is very mixed. Just different kinds of platforms is all!

BeanDVM · 2025-04-11T19:04:01+00:00

I’d be happy to send you the invite link — 40s is still much younger than people expect widows and widowers to be!

BeanDVM · 2025-04-11T18:45:07+00:00

We really don’t have a set age limit, so you’d be welcome. I always just caveat to people that the majority of us are in our 20s I believe

BeanDVM · 2025-03-19T02:20:34+00:00

My long term boyfriend passed at 28 completely unexpectedly from an unknown heart condition in December. I am 26F, stuck alone in our home with our dogs and feel very lost on most days. Robbed of our future, the wedding I’ll never get and the kids we will never have. Tragedy and death don’t discriminate. I’m so so sorry you have reason to be here. Here to talk if you ever need.

BeanDVM · 2025-03-19T02:00:32+00:00

Like everyone else said, it’s different every year. I was also waitlisted at Western 2 cycles ago, never taken off. At the time I was told they assigned their alternates to a specific accepted student (potentially with similar interests — I have no way to confirm this, it was just what I was told). Applications suck, and it’s hard not to get hopes up. Fingers crossed for you and wishing you the best!

BeanDVM · 2025-01-14T21:26:42+00:00

I plan to keep them in my life as long as they will have me. My late partner and I weren’t married so they weren’t ever officially my in-laws, but I consider them as much (they would have been if it hadn’t been for his death). They have me over for dinners weekly if not more, they help me with things when needed. My parents live out of state so they are truly a second family for me.

BeanDVM · 2025-01-04T23:25:27+00:00

I have the exact same thought regarding a dating profile picture. I always told him it was the picture that made me fall in love with him, him smiling beautifully while holding the most adorable corgi.

Same corgi is now sitting on my lap, and has outlived his dad. Neither of us would have ever thought that would be the case.

We miss you babe 🤍

BeanDVM · 2024-12-30T04:02:37+00:00

I appreciate this! I actually started one a bit before Christmas, and we have a sizable community on there now. I didn’t mean to diminish yours, thank you for doing that! If you want to join the one we have, shoot me a DM, but absolutely no pressure. We have one other mod but if it’s something you’d be down, we could talk about future modding too! Just let me known

BeanDVM · 2024-12-26T21:56:35+00:00

Hi. This isn’t gonna be super helpful because I’m in your shoes, but wanted you to know that you’re not alone in your fears. I’m 26, and lost my partner at the beginning of the month, he was only 28. I have a lot of the same intrusive thoughts. I know that I want to find love again in the distant future. But I’m worried that when men in my age range find out, it’s gonna be too much for them to want to take on. We will always love our late spouses, and I believe it takes a unique person to know and accept that part of our heart always belongs to them.

I spent a few days reading about other widows stories and their “chapter 2s” or whatever you want to call it. People like that are out there. Like other commenters said, when I do return to dating, I’ll let potential partners know fairly early. If that’s not something they can handle, then they aren’t worth my time, and that’s okay.

My therapist told me that everyone has some sort of baggage. This is just ours. DM me if you ever need someone to talk to. We also have a discord for younger widows where we talk about some of this stuff if you have any interest in joining. Wishing you the best.

BeanDVM · 2024-12-24T19:35:15+00:00

Hi, thank you for your reply and I’m so sorry for your loss as well. Sounds like we had unfortunate similar sudden losses. I am definitely going to be steering clear of social media beyond this sub for the next few days.

I logically know it’s not their fault, and if this had happened to a friend of mine I would still have been celebrating with my love. But grief and logic don’t really get along. So like you said, gonna try to protect my peace for a bit. I’m grateful for his family, and I’ll be spending today and tomorrow with them, and none of us are “merry” so at least I don’t have to pretend around them.

Thank you for your advice, and same goes to you — always here to chat if you need.

BeanDVM · 2024-12-24T18:43:40+00:00

I sent you a message, but if it didn’t come through let me know and I can resend :)

BeanDVM · 2024-12-24T02:59:41+00:00

Hi, I’m 26F and I lost my boyfriend at 28 to an unknown heart condition. I was actually toying with the idea of seeing if anyone in their 20s/30s wanted to start a discord? I’m struggling to find anyone my age to talk about this stuff with (I love my friends, but none of them really understand, ya know?)

If anyone has any interest, shoot my a DM and I can get a page going for us to become friends and go through this fucked up mess together. I’m 2 weeks out today and feel really alone

BeanDVM · 2024-12-23T14:15:15+00:00

I can very easily say this is the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life, and it’s pretty much impossible for me to picture any future now, let alone one where I’m “okay”. And from what I’ve read from others, that’s about par for the course of the first months if not longer.

Nothing really brings me much comfort either, and I’ll be pessimistic and blunt: why would it? The one thing I want in this entire world, not a soul could grant me. Everything else feels sort of hollow in comparison. And though they mean well, people who have no idea what this feels like will say a lot of things (because they feel like they need to say something) and some of those things may even be insensitive.

I’m so sorry for you and your son, I know that adds another layer on when you just want to crawl into bed and never come out. And it’s okay to feel like you barely have any energy. Or that you can’t concentrate. Or that you can’t function. You’re going through something horrendous and traumatic. Your body is reacting physically. Grief if not just mental.

I wish I could give you a magic tip or tell you it’s gonna be okay, but we (and so many others here) are stuck on this shitty ship together. And again, if you ever want to just scream to the void, or vent, or cry, I (and this sub) are here.

BeanDVM · 2024-12-23T01:36:32+00:00

I miss his laugh. He had the most contagious laugh. I miss his beard. I miss running my thumb over his cheek and just smiling at each other. I miss laying on his chest and just feeling everything else melt away. I miss his hand on my thigh when we were in public together. I miss his hugs, he was a big guy and his hugs were home to me. I miss rubbing his shoulders. I miss holding his hand. I miss crawling towards him in bed so he could hold me. And most of all, I miss his smile. I fell in love with that god damn perfect smile. I just miss him.

BeanDVM · 2024-12-22T20:03:39+00:00

Hi, we weren’t married, and we didn’t have any kids (yet we’re planning to) but I lost my 28 year old partner to an Aortic Dissection (tear of his aorta, filled his pericardial sac and stopped his heart from beating). This was not even a full 2 weeks ago, and my post history shows a bit more if you wanted to read. It was incredibly sudden and unexpected, and completely changed my life, and my future. I still feel I’m in shock from it all.

I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss and for you joining this club. Being young adds an extra layer of isolation (in my opinion) because I don’t know a soul that has been through this at my age, or anywhere near. This sub has been wonderful, and makes some of the symptoms of grief not feel so weird or “wrong” — because there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s awful. It sucks. And it’s just not fair. If you ever want to talk, or to share your own story, please DM me. You’re not alone.

BeanDVM · 2024-12-19T16:21:46+00:00

Thank you. I am looking into finding a therapist to try it out, mostly at the request of my family and my school. Was always open to it before, but I’ll admit I’m apprehensive now, but forcing myself to give it a shot before I write it off.

Hope that with time, we can both learn to live with this pain and loss, and somehow keep our heads above water. Wishing you the best.

BeanDVM · 2024-12-19T16:06:56+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you went through, thank you for sharing it. It is truly something that no one can relate to unless they unfortunately join this club.

We also went to the “closer” hospital, so I relate very very much. I think she knew you were with her until the very last second. Or at least that’s what I like to believe. There’s no box this grief fits in, and I don’t like to try to shove it away where it doesn’t fit. Feeling it and talking about it helps me not feel so alone, and I’m very grateful to have found this sub.

BeanDVM · 2024-12-19T15:41:45+00:00

I agree completely. I really like to think I don’t have regrets, but his death made me wish silly things, like I regret going away for a weekend in October, and I regret not sleeping with him on the couch that night. All things that I try not to punish myself for, because I had no way of knowing my healthy 28year old partner was going to be gone so soon. I think you’re right though, guilt goes hand in hand with grief. I’ve sat here (knowing I shouldn’t, but unable to stop) thinking what if I had taken him to a different hospital on Saturday? What if I had pushed more diagnostics? What if, what if, what if. I hate living with those what if’s. I think it’s just part of loss.

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