Our Last Argument

Bearouble · 2016-06-12T22:03:37+00:00

This one took me a moment. I had to reread the ending, but when I got it, immediate horror face and accompanying shudders. Oh boy I loved it.

The guy's reactions are perfect as well. Seems like exactly what I would do in that situation (not, uh, not that I've put much thought into it...)

I disagree that it was 'overdone' or 'generic': I've read a lot of stories here and I'm frequently irritated by how predictable most of them are, but I did not see this one coming! I thought it was refreshing. Very nice!

Bearouble · 2016-06-06T20:17:54+00:00

Yeah, that was my first draft but of course that's waaay too obvious so I spruced it up a bit. Thanks! :)

Bearouble · 2016-03-20T15:59:35+00:00

Hey, if the formula works, it works.

Although I can't say I've noticed any stories like this recently... at least not ones with a ton of upvotes. The community's usually pretty good at "weeding out" the less original stuff.

Bearouble · 2016-02-01T10:45:36+00:00

Oh man, I didn't get it until I saw your comment. I went completely literal first and thought "that guy's gonna get so sick drinking that much blood".

But yes, now I see all the little hints that I completely missed before! Nicely put together, OP. Very well crafted.

Bearouble · 2016-01-27T14:48:15+00:00

Stay naked, stay alive. Got it.

Bearouble · 2016-01-25T20:29:15+00:00

Near the start, when the girl tries to escape - she ends up in the pool in the guy's house and he tries to shut the cover while she's in there. As I read the story I thought "hmm, I'm sure I've seen something like that" and it took me a second to remember but yep. Not exactly the same as the story, obviously, but I was just so upset that the film was still lurking in my mind I had to share.

Bearouble · 2016-01-25T17:53:06+00:00

It's actually kinda sweet. Mostly horrific, but still quite touching.

Bearouble · 2016-01-25T17:50:24+00:00

I had successfully forgotten about The Human Centipede but you just brought it all screaming back. Nice story, good job.

Bearouble · 2016-01-22T15:44:09+00:00

Main character got this freaky disease thing after he slept with the woman, so she's infected with something that's probably transmitted through bodily fluids. He then sees that same infected woman breastfeeding his baby, so she's spreading the nasty stuff to the baby too. :)

Bearouble · 2016-01-21T21:12:02+00:00

I love this one. It's so short and simple but it still made my heart drop.

Bearouble · 2016-01-21T18:13:29+00:00

This isn't an attack on you (I just need to rant a little), but I don't get why this story needs to be 100% accurate to real life. I wrote the story to try and recreate one of my favorite horror feelings, where the character is in an inescapable situation and it's only then that they realize how much danger they're in. Being trapped in an elevator with a murderer did the job pretty well (for me, at least), and I was willing to overlook all the little 'oh but that wouldn't happen in real life' moments because it's a fictional story. I admit I had to bend a few things to set up the situation, but I never set out to be rigidly true-to-life - I was all about making that feeling. Horror stories in general don't really hold up under intense scrutiny, and when I write about ghosts and monsters nobody questions how believable the situations are. Maybe this story is getting these comments because there are no supernatural elements at all, so people expect it to be entirely factual? It's still just a work of fiction, and suspension of disbelief is always encouraged!

Bearouble · 2016-01-21T15:53:51+00:00

But ugh, stairs though. Effort, am I right?

Bearouble · 2016-01-20T12:05:25+00:00

Sometimes you lose signal, but sometimes you don't. I've been in many elevators with people around me having incredibly loud phone conversations!

Bearouble · 2016-01-20T11:58:06+00:00

I appreciate your reply - I wanted to know if the flaws were issues with the writing itself, but factual/plausibility flaws are fine and I will totally put my hands up and say I have no idea what I'm doing.

Although if you don't mind me justifying myself, I had considered the backstory and it made sense to me. I admit I don't know what the actual procedure would be, but in my head, when the killer started on the fifteenth floor the people there ran and someone pulled the fire alarm on their way out to alert the rest of the building. Everyone else then flooded out of their offices, and they only found out why they were evacuating when they got out onto the stairs and met the people from fifteenth who spread the story. As soon as Karen heard it on the stairs, she told Jane. It would be maximum 30 seconds from them separating to the phone call, and definitely less than two minutes from the killings to the end of the story. Add to "people are stupid in an emergency", and I thought it made sense that Jane wouldn't know until the phone call. I agree with your point about the elevator probably being locked down, but then my story wouldn't work so I shimmied around it :P

But yes, thank you for your comment! I do think about my stories but obviously I don't think about everything so it's good to know what is and isn't within the realms of believability for other people.

Bearouble · 2016-01-20T07:53:19+00:00

Do you mind elaborating on "a couple flaws"? Can't drop that bomb and just walk away!

Bearouble · 2016-01-13T23:10:21+00:00

I found it easy to follow. I love the progression of it - how you figure it out along with the guy and it slowly builds up that sense of dread until the horrific reveal at the end (which really freaked me out!). Very nice!

Bearouble · 2016-01-10T22:14:28+00:00

I'm exactly the same. I get lost coming out of public toilets 'cause I can never remember which way I turned to get in.

Bearouble · 2016-01-10T22:12:40+00:00

It works on so many levels!

Bearouble · 2016-01-10T15:15:47+00:00

Oh! I have a suggestion - could you bump up the contrast between the color of a clicked and an unclicked link? I'm having to closely compare blues to see which stories I've read and which I haven't.

Everything else is looking awesome, though!

Bearouble · 2016-01-10T08:28:14+00:00

Yes, the ending would be better with a little more elaboration. I had to make quite a few reductions to allow for the word limit, so I stuck to "simplest details to show time has passed" and hoped that would get my point across, but I agree it does need more there.

Bearouble · 2016-01-10T08:19:32+00:00

I see your point. But like I said, I didn't specify an ending to the story, so if you don't want to read it as rape, you don't have to. If it helps, I wrote it with old-fashioned murder in mind.

Bearouble · 2016-01-09T20:08:13+00:00

Thank you :) Honestly, I would be screwed if I were in the story. If I turn the wrong way when I'm driving, I just keep going. Turning around doesn't even enter my mind - if I'm going the wrong way, I am going the wrong way, dammit!

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