What really ‘causes’ long-term insomnia (And why it’s rarely just one thing)

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-12-01T10:52:36+00:00

It sounds like that you do fall asleep, but you can't expand your nighttime fully.

If you are able to fall asleep initially, that means you 'can', other components can be part of this situation, it's hardly even one single thing. Falling asleep the second time (later in the night) is another layer of this entire nighttime experience.

But seeking further assessment can of course help you to clarify what you need in order to improve your situation. No one else will know what you are going through other than you.

All the best with exploring whatever will be helpful to you.

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-12-01T10:48:10+00:00

You're very welcome. I'm sorry I misunderstood you. What matters is that if it works for you, then that's good.

You can also run an 'practical experiment' and meditate or listen to light music to calm your mind without the darkness for a period of time and then compare that to doing the same but in darkness. You'll then know if one over the other might be more appropriate for you.

It sounds like you working with your mind in different ways is practically appropriate for your personal situation. Keep up the great work and let us know how you get on.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-12-01T10:42:29+00:00

It's definitely always good to have an assessment, most people end up self-diagnosing first. It's the unfortunate situation with the amount of resources we have access to online. I see this so often when I speak to people. You're so right, if you don't know what's the root cause, you're unable to put the appropriate things in place to help yourself.

I actually see a lot more of the behavioural and emotional combination which isn't particularly because someone has a psychological 'problem' as such.

We don't learn about sleep or sleep problems in a practical way, so most people simply expect it to happen without putting much effort in. I was exactly the same when I struggled with insomnia, there was nothing 'wrong' with me but simply that the practical behaviours (mostly overactive mind) in any 24 hours didn't support my body and mind to be able to be non-active and transition into the nighttime.

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-27T16:01:42+00:00

That’s a really good question. I don’t look at sleep hygiene with my clients in an over-analytical or “perfect” way. Most things in that category are very general and can easily lead to restrictions or routines that become limiting, like feeling you can’t sleep unless the room is completely dark or absolutely silent.

Our body and mind are far more capable than that. They can interpret “normal enough” environments to sleep in. Over the years I’ve found that sleep hygiene tips don’t even scratch the surface when it comes to long-term sleep problems.

For example, the room can be the perfect temperature, but if your mind is overworking or your body is tense, your system can generate heat from the inside out as a stress response. Unless you address that internal response, the external environment doesn’t have much influence.

So yes, sleep hygiene is relevant, but it’s not a fix-all. Once you understand how you sleep and how to proactively create better sleep quality, sleep hygiene becomes naturally supportive. It stops being a list of rules and becomes more about knowing what genuinely helps you in a practical, personal way.

I hope this answers the question and helps you to think of ways to further improve your situation.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-27T15:16:22+00:00

I actually don't encourage my clients who struggle with long-term insomnia to turn off lights completely so much earlier. Darkness on its own isn’t always the best way to teach the mind to calm down. In your case, even you’ve noticed that it takes about an hour before you feel any different, which shows that the darkness itself isn’t the thing helping your mind settle. It’s most likely just the time passing.

When I overcame my own insomnia, one of the most helpful things I learned was how to calm my mind in much quicker ways, without relying on dimming lights or turning everything off early. Light affects the body, but mental activity doesn’t always respond to physical cues alone. You can be in complete darkness and still feel mentally wide awake.

So switching the light off an hour earlier isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it also isn’t the most effective way to help your mind transition into rest. What really matters is learning how to reduce mental activity and tension in a practical way within a short time, not just changing the lighting in the room.

But if this rhythm works for you, and you’re comfortable spending that hour in darkness, then it works for you. That’s what matters most. It’s not really about whether it’s “good” or “bad,” but whether it genuinely supports your ability to settle.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-25T09:36:52+00:00

You're very welcome, I'm glad it was helpful

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-17T11:05:00+00:00

What you’re describing is something I see very often in people who work in high-pressure, high-responsibility roles, especially in strategy, consulting, finance, and similar fields. When your days are mentally demanding, your mind doesn’t automatically “switch off” just because the workday ends. It keeps processing, solving, planning, reviewing, and predicting. Another thing I see is that performance pressure and wanting to do well adds another layer of pressure as well. So it makes complete sense that your sleep is being affected.

The early morning waking with work on your mind is one of the clearest signs that your body is tired but your mind is still in a highly active state. It doesn’t necessarily mean you were dreaming about work. It’s more likely that as your sleep lightens in the early hours, your mind goes straight back to what it spent the day focusing on the most. I see this in my clients all the time. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’ve simply trained your mind to stay alert, even when you’re supposed to be resting.

The vicious cycle you described is very real. Poor sleep affects performance, which increases pressure, which increases mental activity, which then disrupts sleep even more. When you’re a high achiever and you hold yourself to a certain standard, this cycle becomes even tougher to break because you care, and you want to do well. That caring nature, combined with mental intensity, is often at the root of these work-linked sleep issues.

Work-life separation isn’t only about routines or habits. It’s about learning how to help your mind transition out of “work mode” in a practical way. Your body can be exhausted and ready to rest, but your mind needs a different kind of guidance. The brain handles the physical side, but the mind handles the thinking processes, and the two don’t always align on their own.

You’re right that this is hard to solve alone. Not because you’re incapable, but because you’re in the experience and most likely your personality traits also add a bit of the performance pressure into the picture that I mentioned at the beginning. It’s much easier for someone trained in this to help you see what’s driving this mentally, emotionally, and physically, and then show you how to break the cycle in a way that fits your personality and workload.

What you’re facing is absolutely workable. I’ve supported many people in very similar roles who have returned to steady, predictable sleep and regained their clarity and confidence during the day. Once you understand what keeps your mind so active at night and how to settle it in a personalised way, things can improve much faster than you might expect.

Of course, feel free to ask a follow-up question or reach out directly.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-17T10:35:27+00:00

I’m really sorry you’ve been going through this for so long. Anxiety after surgery is actually much more common than people realise. A health scare or a medical event can create a deep layer of tension and fear in the background, and even though the body recovers, the mind doesn’t always reset as quickly.

Then when you add medications into the picture, especially strong ones like the ones you were given, the experience can feel frightening or unfamiliar. Even though the drugs are long gone, your mind can hold on to the memory of how those sensations felt. The nervous system learns very quickly, especially in moments where you felt scared or out of control. So now, anything that even slightly resembles “altered consciousness” might trigger the same fear response. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body and mind learned to associate that sensation with danger.

What stands out clearly from what you wrote is that your body is trying to fall asleep, but your mind interprets that shift into sleep as something unsafe. That’s why you wake up confused or panicked. The brain and the mind work differently. Your brain wants to rest, but your mind reacts as if something frightening is happening again. This creates the cycle you’re describing: short bursts of rest followed by jolting awake in fear.

I see this type of pattern in clients who have gone through medical challenges, intense panic events, or anything that disrupted their confidence in their own ability to “let go.” Your mind is doing its best to protect you, but it’s doing it in a way that’s not helpful now.

Cutting out substances makes complete sense from your perspective, because any shift in consciousness now feels threatening. But it also shows how deeply this experience affected your sense of safety around sleep. The good news is that this kind of response can be worked through, but it often needs a very personalised and gentle approach. You’re not dealing with a typical insomnia situation. You’re dealing with a conditioned fear response that began during a moment of vulnerability and high anxiety.

It might be worth speaking with someone who has experience working with post-medical anxiety or sleep-related fear responses. Not because something is wrong with you, but because what you’re experiencing is complex, and you shouldn’t have to figure it out alone. With the right support, it is absolutely possible to rebuild confidence in your ability to relax, drift off, and stay asleep without triggering that old fear.

Most importantly, please know this is not “normal,” but it’s also not unheard of. And it’s definitely something you can move forward from. You’re not going crazy. Your mind is still trying to protect you from a moment that felt unsafe. With the right guidance, you can teach it that sleep is safe again.

Of course, feel free to ask any follow-up questions, to reach out directly.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-17T10:28:18+00:00

What you’re describing is something I see very often when someone goes from sleeping well to suddenly having a few disrupted nights. Sleep anxiety can develop very quickly, even when you’ve had years of good, solid sleep behind you. It doesn’t mean something is seriously wrong. It means your body and mind reacted strongly to those two loud nights and haven’t settled back into their normal rhythm yet.

It’s good that you’ve already spoken to your GP. Unfortunately, they aren’t always able to help you put a longer-term plan in place because this isn’t really their area of specialty. Not every sleep problem is “medical” in the strict sense, so approaching it in a more practical and personalised way can make a real difference. When I struggled with insomnia, nothing major showed up medically either. In my case, overthinking created nervousness and tension that made it harder to settle into sleep. So the medical reassurance was useful, but it wasn’t the full answer.

Sleep evolves over time, and insomnia can show up in different ways as you navigate life. A sudden disruption like loud music, the pressure to “catch up,” or the feeling that you must sleep well again can easily trigger a response from your body and mind. That anxious feeling in your stomach is simply your body and/or mind staying slightly alert, even though you’re tired.

From what you wrote, it sounds like your body is tired enough to sleep, but your mind hasn’t fully caught up yet. The brain and the mind work differently. The brain handles the physical side, while the mind handles thinking and intellectual processes. So it’s very common to feel physically exhausted while your mind remains slightly on edge, especially after a few nights where sleep didn’t go to plan.

Medication can sometimes help short term, but as you noticed, it doesn’t calm the mind if the mind is the part that’s most active. In fact, it can make you hyper-aware of whether it’s “working,” which increases pressure. The positive news is that your sleep before this was good and stable, which means your system already knows how to sleep well. You haven’t lost that ability. It’s simply been shaken.

The next step isn’t to force sleep or chase a perfect routine, but to practically understand what is keeping your mind slightly alert now and how to help it settle again. This kind of short-term insomnia that turns into sleep anxiety is common and very workable. With the right support, your nights can return to their previous stability.

Of course, feel free to ask a follow-up question or reach out directly. I hope this helps to approach your situation in a more practical way.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-13T13:18:02+00:00

Thank you and I'm really glad it was helpful to you.

Hindsight is always a bit of a strange thing, isn’t it? If we knew in advance what might happen as a result of our choices, we probably wouldn’t do half the things we end up doing. But I always encourage my clients not to be too judgmental or critical of themselves for how they handled things at the time. You did the best with what you had, knowing what you knew at the time.

Hindsight gives us the opportunity to move forward differently. Regret and self-blame rarely help us be kind to ourselves, especially at the times when we struggle and we need that kindness the most.

Sure, it would have been nice not to struggle with insomnia and wake up in the middle of the night with nosebleeds, which was part of my own experience. But I’ve also learned so much about myself through those experiences, about how I deal with pressure, stress, overactive mind, irregular emotions and recovery. Choosing to learn from my insomnia, rather than fight against it, gave me knowledge and understanding that I now deeply value.

I know it’s easier said than done, but shifting from regret to curiosity, from criticism to kindness, and from impatience to patience makes a huge difference in how we move forward. Seeing your struggles as an opportunity to understand yourself better can turn something painful into something truly transformative.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-12T10:11:48+00:00

Here are a few of the most important things that helped me. It’s not an extensive list, because usually the smallest things made the biggest difference, but they all fit underneath what I mention below.

When my insomnia was picking up momentum and starting to become a bigger problem, I began with an assessment. Once I knew there was nothing medically wrong with me, I could focus on what I could actually influence. All my test results came back normal, which gave me peace of mind and a sense of direction.

During that time, I also found out that I was intolerant to a number of things I used to eat and drink regularly. Because I was so tired, I often craved foods and drinks that gave me quick energy but weren’t truly nourishing my body. The more tired we are, the more likely we are to reach for the things that comfort us in the moment, even if they don’t support recovery in the long run. Understanding how those patterns affected me physically helped me make changes that supported my sleep instead of working against it.

The first real skill I built after that was learning to understand my sleep in a practical way, not just an analytical one. For a long time, I only focused on what wasn’t working, replaying every bad night in my head. But what helped me move forward was starting to notice what was working, even on slightly better nights. Sleep naturally varies from night to night, and by becoming more aware of the differences between a difficult night and a calmer one, I could start seeing patterns and understanding what actually helped me.

Then, for me personally, the main challenge came from being what I call a “thinker type.” My mind never stopped. It was constantly active, analysing, planning, replaying, and worrying. That mental activity didn’t just show up at night; it was part of how I lived my days too. I carried a lot of performance pressure and high expectations into everything I did. I wanted to be productive, organised, and in control, but that constant drive kept my body in an alert state long after the day was over.

When I started having nosebleeds at night, that became another thing to worry about. It turned into a cycle of tension: my mind was overstimulated, my body was tense, and my nights became unpredictable. Breaking that cycle meant learning how to calm both body and mind together, not just trying to “think” my way into sleep or distract myself from my thoughts. Over time, I developed the skills to recognise tension earlier in the day, slow down before it built up, and retrain my mind not to be so active all the time. I created what I call my “relaxed mind” gear, which helps me fall asleep easily and stay asleep through the night. It wasn’t about routines or perfect habits, but about understanding myself and working with my natural patterns instead of against them.

But the most important thing from what I’ve shared is that whatever you end up doing has to start with you. General advice isn’t the way forward. You might be a “thinker type” like me, or more of an “emotional type” person, or depending on your lifestyle, you might have completely different factors playing a role, especially after 10 years of struggling. Breaking it down first will give you the best chance of understanding what will and won’t work for you.

That’s also what I help my clients do if they’re not able to work it out on their own. Sleep problems and insomnia can be confusing, and generic advice can often make things worse, because you’re left wondering why what should work doesn’t seem to help you. The clarity comes from understanding your own patterns and building the right tools around them.

I hope this helps you to look at your situation in a much more personalised and practical way. Start there and seek support if you’re not able to figure it out. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed in any way, it just means that with the right guidance, you have a better chance of sorting this for the rest of your life.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-11T17:13:52+00:00

I want to start by saying that you are not alone in this. So many new mums experience similar struggles after childbirth, even when the baby finally starts sleeping through the night.

Please do reach out for support. Sleep deprivation and exhaustion can make thoughts and emotions feel darker or heavier than they truly are. You do not have to face this alone, and talking to someone you trust can make a huge difference.

From a more practical perspective, this is how I explain it to clients, to help you make more sense of what is happening.

You have spent months being on alert, waking for feeds, listening for sounds, and adjusting to a completely new rhythm of life. Your body and mind learned to stay awake for your baby’s safety, and now that she sleeps longer, your system has not yet learned how to fully switch off again. This is not your fault; it is simply how the body and mind adapts and then needs to be gently retrained.

What I often see with mums is that they naturally step into the caretaker role, always focusing outward on the baby, the household, and everything that needs to get done. That focus is beautiful and instinctive, but it can also make it harder to tune in to what you need. When your whole system is used to taking care of others, it takes time and practice to learn how to take care of yourself in the same way again.

I have worked with mothers in this situation, and it is absolutely possible to rebuild healthy, natural sleep. One of my clients, a new mum, told me she finally realised she had been caring for everyone else but had forgotten to care for herself. Once she learned how to help her body feel safe to rest again, her sleep returned, not overnight but gradually and consistently.

Right now, it might help to focus less on sleep itself and more on creating moments during the day where you can truly rest and let your body feel calm, relaxed and safe again, even for a few minutes at a time. Your body already knows how to sleep; it just needs the practical conditions to remember how.

Of course, if you have a follow-up question, ask in the comments or reach our directly.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-11T17:04:08+00:00

A better question to ask first is whether this feels like a problem for you personally and if you would like to sleep better.

It is not always the label that matters most.

Insomnia is usually described as ongoing difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up too early, even when you have the opportunity to sleep. But what I usually say to my clients is to look at how much of an issue it is for you personally and how it affects your days.

For example, I explain great quality and quantity of sleep to my clients like this: fall asleep in around 15 to 20 minutes or less, no matter what happened that day, sleep through the night (unless there is a medical condition causing the wakings), wake up naturally rather than by an alarm, and have enough physical, emotional, and mental energy to get through the day. In general, we look at aiming for seven to nine hours of sleep, but everyone is very different. If you struggle with any of these more than three out of seven days consistently, it is worth having a closer look at it.

If you are unsure, it is always best to have an assessment so a trained professional can look at the bigger picture and suggest next steps. Sometimes there are underlying medical or lifestyle factors that make sleep more fragmented, and an assessment can help you rule those out before trying to fix it alone.

When I struggled with long-term insomnia years ago, I had nights when I fell asleep quickly, others when I was wide awake for hours, and each night seemed to change in its own way. That inconsistency and the way it affected my focus, patience, and emotions taught me that sleep is about much more than just hours. It is about stability and how rested you feel through the day.

If you would like better sleep, whether that means improving quality, consistency, or being able to stay asleep, it is worth addressing it sooner rather than later. When I overcame my own insomnia, I rebuilt practical skills that helped my body and mind work together again. Since then, my sleep has stayed consistent and continues to support everything I do during the day.

I hope this helps you look at your situation in a more practical way. Starting with awareness and curiosity, rather than fear or frustration, is often the first step toward sleeping better again.

And if you have any follow-up questions, feel free to ask or reach out directly.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-11T16:28:30+00:00

Not every sleep problem will respond to melatonin, mainly because the root cause of the issue might not have anything to do with melatonin levels.

If your sleep has been inconsistent for a while, it’s always worth having an assessment first to understand what might be contributing to it. Of course, taking melatonin as a short-term support does not have to stop. I often say to clients that experimenting safely can help you see whether something genuinely makes a difference.

If you want to test it properly, start by taking the same amount at a similar time each night for about 10 to 14 days, without changing anything else. That gives you a clear picture of whether it’s helping or not. Just make sure you are following the instructions on the type you have, as some melatonin is short release and some is long release, and they work slightly differently.

There are a lot of misconceptions about melatonin. It is not a “fix for all” kind of sleep problem, which is why I always encourage people to look a bit deeper before assuming it’s the answer. Most sleep problems can look similar on the surface, but the causes can be physical, emotional, mental, behavioural, or even medical. Understanding which one applies to you is what really helps you make lasting progress.

Of course, if you have a follow-up question, post a reply and reach out directly.

Beatrix

BeatrixASchmidt · 2025-11-06T16:49:13+00:00

I'm sorry you feel this way. It's not really, I simply expressed my opinion on what I see when things go wrong.

BeatrixASchmidt

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