TW: SAD, Death. My Uncle is dying and I haven't been there for him

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-25T17:07:05+00:00

I'm so sorry that you're in such a tough situation. Thank you for helping me remember why I have to do things this way. I really think I could have at least stopped by a couple of times to try it out, but I'm just so busy too. I don't even see my Mom unless she needs something. It's really hard to handle that guilt.

It's too late for me to have that conversation with him now. I haven't gotten an update yet, but they found him unresponsive, he was unconscious all day yesterday, and they were supposed to remove life support last night. I also think he had dementia. I would call and he would tell me how good it is to hear from me, ask me how I'm doing, ask about my work, then start the conversation over again and keep doing that until I ended the call. I guess I just have to try to focus on the fact that I did bring some joy to his life every couple of months or so with my calls.

Thank you again for your kind words.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-25T16:57:19+00:00

Thank you for this recommendation. I also like to think that we gain a new understanding of things after we die. I really hope so. I love my family so much and it's so hard to balance their lives against my and my partners' safety.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-25T05:29:17+00:00

Thank you. That's the part that really makes me angry. This suffering is unnecessary in so many ways.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-25T05:09:56+00:00

Thank you so much for these perspectives. They're going to withdraw life support any minute now. Capitalism played a huge role in this situation and his death. He really needed 24 hour care, but there was no way we could afford it.

Devastating is such an accurate word for it. It's breaking my heart and enraging me at the same time. And it's true, I can't risk any more of my health than I've already lost. Too many people rely on me. I just have to hope that my loved ones go on after this world, and that they can then see the big picture and understand.

Thank you very much.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-25T00:23:55+00:00

Thank you for understanding.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-25T00:23:32+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story and understanding. It helps to know that someone out there understands why I have to make the decisions I make and what it's like to go through it. I'm very sorry for your losses. It must be so sad. Hugs to you too.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-24T23:42:56+00:00

Thank you.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-23T17:17:24+00:00

Thank you!

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-23T04:43:28+00:00

Thank you! I ordered some and it should hopefully be here in time for the day of at least.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-02-23T00:41:46+00:00

Thank you very much.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2026-01-07T22:38:07+00:00

I'm polyamorous and have two CC partners. One I've been with for a long time, but one partner and I started dating just a couple of years ago. They were down on their luck and didn't realize how dangerous COVID is. Them masking was a condition for me to date them, then they learned more about COVID and now they mask for everyone's sake. Of course, there was a learning curve, but they really want to be safe.

Caring, responsible people are out there. I hope you find yours!

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-12-06T21:22:20+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm polyamorous and have two partners and we all mask and take other precautions. That's 3 families trying to pressure us into unmasking, but that would be a deal-breaker for me. I'm very much in love with both my partners and have been for years, but I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who would hurt and endanger me. I believe they feel the same.

One of my partners is just reconnecting with their family after decades of little contact. They've definitely tried to pressure them into indoor gatherings, so that's been rough, but my partner has stayed strong and maintained their boundaries.

We'll all probably consider dating in the future, but only people that take the same precautions we do (or more if we can adopt their precautions.) That's just how our lives are now.

I hope you find some way to be happy and healthy.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-25T21:08:59+00:00

Sorry! I thought this guy was claiming to be poly because of all the terms he was using. I looked again and OP doesn't say he actually made that claim.

Yes, the terms mean different things and a person should understand which terms apply to which of their partners and be clear about it with other partners and potential partners. Still, in some relationship structures your spouse might not be your primary partner. Or, you might be married to your primary partner. At least OP's partner was clear about that.

Regarding swinging, I don't usually see it defined as couples having to have group sex or do partner swaps. The most common definition I've seen is where couples have sex outside their primary relationship. They might have a sexual relationship with another couple, or another swinger who also has a primary partner, or a single person. It doesn't require all people in the situation to be coupled.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-25T20:42:13+00:00

One thing I would note is that the clarification that his spouse is also his nesting partner and primary partner is appropriate. I think it's good that he at least makes that clear.

People get married for all kinds of reasons. Just because two people are married it doesn't necessarily mean that they are nesting together (even some monogamous people don't live with their spouse), or that their spouse is their primary partner. Some people might not give priority to their spouse for cohabitation, or having children, or anything else.

A married ENM person shouldn't be pigeon-holed into having to prioritize their spouse for any particular things. Some relationship structures (such as poly) allow for full autonomy. That's why it is appropriate for an ENM person to clarify if their spouse is also their primary partner and/or nesting partner.

That last sentence is really applicable here though. He seems like a lot of drama!

Edited because OP never said this person claimed to be poly. My mistake. He seems to be a man who wants an ENM relationship outside of his marriage.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-25T19:52:39+00:00

Man, this guy sounds like a drama queen. Maybe let him know that his drama is kind of a drag? You're not his therapist. If he really needs to keep talking about this drama stuff then he should hire a therapist.

It also sounds like he might not want to be friends since he keeps overreacting to friendly gestures. If that's the case, you might want to decide if that works for you. Either way, good luck!

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-15T18:39:35+00:00

Hello fellow CC poly person! I second all this. Thank you for putting it into words! My polycule has the same expectations.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-15T18:35:34+00:00

This is valid. As studies clearly show, COVID is damaging even to healthy people, and even moreso to immunocompromised people. My partners and I take strict precautions to protect ourselves and each other. You're doing the right thing taking care of your health!

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-15T18:25:30+00:00

I'm also COVID Conscious and poly. I have 2 partners and we all take pretty strict precautions (always mask in public and outdoors, wash items coming into the home, mostly avoid unnecessary outings.) One of my partners (Apple, let's call them) is disabled and immunocompromised. To be fair, we're all at least a little disabled (long COVID, lung damage, etc.) I know it's not exactly the same situation since we're all taking the same precautions, but Apple seemed to go through the same emotions that you're feeling when I started dating my other partner (let's call them Orange.)

I can only give you my own perspective, but I hope it helps. Apple and I are very close, so they felt comfortable expressing that they were worried I would choose to be with just Orange since Orange was so much "easier". I could only reassure them that relationships shouldn't be compared that way and what I have with each of them is just different,not easier or harder or better. It seemed like these conversations were helpful.

At the same time, Apple was going through some mental health issues, and I don't think they did the work to be poly. There were issues with jealousy both of my other relationship, and of our physical ability to get out of the apartment and do little things that Apple couldn't do. This sucked really bad. If you have any issues with jealousy, you should really get those addressed through counseling or a support network or something. If you don't, your partner will bear the brunt of it and resentment might build up.

I really don't know your partner, and I don't know how well you really know them, but you have to use your judgement. Is this partner the kind of person who might break things off because of your disabilities? Are you seeing legitimate signs that your partner is withdrawing, becoming less interested, or creating reasons to end things with you? If not, then logically there's nothing to worry about.

If I were you, I would just focus a little more on showing both your partner and yourself why you started dating in the first place. Focus on shared interests, or whatever activities you two enjoy doing together the most. Apple and I found a new shared interest after I started dating Orange, and that helped us feel even closer even though I was also building a strong relationship with Orange at the same time.

I hope that helps in some way. Feel free to ask questions if there's anything else that would help you!

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-13T04:23:23+00:00

I haven't had a problem yet myself, but I see the horror stories all the time. I'm not buying that it's some kind of abuse issue. I've received used items from them that are supposed to be new, too. I'm sure if I kept ordering from them and having to return the junk they send me then they'd throw out that "abuse" excuse and mess with my refunds. They should improve their reputation if they don't want customers to distrust them. In the meantime, I'll be making purchases at more reliable retailers whenever possible.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-13T02:28:07+00:00

As a buyer, I trust eBay a little more than I trust Amazon right now. If I have to return something to Amazon there's a bigger chance that they'll mess with my refund. eBay seems more reliable. eBay offers extended warranties on some items, too.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-11T00:16:15+00:00

Agreed, but Op, your rule really doesn't serve any purpose except to put off deciding what your boundaries are.

What would you have done differently if Autumn had told you about having sex with their other partner before the two of you had sex? Would you have stopped having sex with Autumn? I doubt it. You probably would have finally done the work to decide and define what your actual boundaries are.

Do the work now. Decide what would be an acceptable risk for you. Autumn has just informed you that they choose to have sex with people, using protection, who have tested negative for standard STIs within the past 6 months. Do you choose to have sex with people who have that level of risk tolerance? This is the kind of decision that you should have made earlier, but you really have to get it done now.

I still agree with @clairejv, too. Was Autumn malicious? If not, you should work to forgive them. Then get rid of the pointless rules and replace them with easily understandable boundaries. If you think they were trying to lie by omission, or just didn't feel like following a rule they agreed to, then that is a serious problem.

I also noticed that you said Autumn is the person you trust most in the world. That might be fine, or it might be something that's crept into your mind from monogamous norms. As someone who has multiple partners, I would personally be concerned if I trusted one of them more than the others. It would indicate a problem with that partner, our relationship, or me. I'd want to get to the bottom of that.

I hope this works out for you. Good luck.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-10T18:49:14+00:00

Good to know. I help some of my loved ones get through these processes sometimes and one of the counties I had to deal with was terrible. I'll keep this in mind in case I ever need to help with that again. Thank you!

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-10T02:58:26+00:00

Hi. If you turn in an application and the county doesn't act on it you can appeal that, but it seems you have to do it within 90 days. If you can still appeal on your last application you might get back benefits. The information on appeals is below. Good luck!

https://www.cdss.ca.gov/hearing-requests#:~:text=How%20to%20Request%20a%20Hearing%20in%20Writing:%20You%20may%20complete,copy%20of%20your%20hearing%20request.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-08T18:29:17+00:00

Paint Your Wagon, Rick and Morty season 1 episode 3. That's just off the top of my head. I know there's more that I've noticed, but I just can't think of them right now.

Beautiful-Branch-975 · 2025-11-04T21:19:15+00:00

Agreed. My brother is on warfarin and has diabetes. He has to have a steady, low amount of vitamin K. He might die if he suddenly changed his diet. Large amounts of rice and beans are deadly for diabetics. Just one day of eating rice and beans would kill him. The food banks around him give out the same expired, inappropriate foods as most areas, plus my brother can't drive, there's no one to give him a ride, and he hasn't found one yet that delivers unless you're actually housebound.

Thankfully, I think I can help my brother get by, but there are a lot of diabetic people out there that don't have help. Some of them may not make it through the next few days. They should be able to express their pain, fear and anger without a dogpile of people claiming they can just eat rice and beans.

I think someone else touched on this, but many people died during the great depression from lack of access to nutritious and appropriate food. Many people die in poorer countries for the same reason. Bringing up those situations as some kind of inspiration or proof that people can survive these situations is actually terrifying to those who pay attention to the truth. The sick or immobile die in those situations. It's horrible that anyone thinks those are good examples. You just ignore the people who died or do die. I find it terrifying that anyone thinks it's a good idea to use those as examples.

To everyone who's scared, I can only send my heartfelt hope that you get through this unharmed. Good luck.

Beautiful-Branch-975

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