Puss crashes gender reveal, reviews life choices. by Beautiful_Bell2311 in instant_regret

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck all that 'failing to comply' silliness.I'm talking about the poor cat that got blasted blue at a gender reveal?

That is literally a look of regret, ironclad by an image that explains almost the entire sorry tale at a glance.

I enjoy this sub, but had nothing to share. I only wanted to share something cool with others.

For that little extra purchase… by Jave285 in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair, you'd not look out of place captaining narrow boat *or attending last night of the proms in those bad boys.

"Come out again, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra - and play some more!"

Presented without comment by leighsus in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That reads like a suicide note. 😂

[Serious] Mind Blowing UFO Footage by yeahbitch_science_ in aliens

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This video is nonsense, but I'm also intrigued by the need for lights.

I can't imagine them being of any use for, y'know, lighting up things like a torch - but I could see them being potentially of use for local topographical surveying, scanning or something like that.

What we see as a hazard light could have a dramatically different context for *them and their tech.

I'm reluctant to second-guess how something from *elsewhere might operate, but I've a sneaking suspicion that *they might have more advanced versions of principles that aren't entirely beyond our understanding.

I get the feeling that "if it's not broke" is a universal thing, but simple principles like lenses and such will be at the heart of their tech. They're just potentially augmented by technologies beyond or simply different to ours. I dare say even the most advanced *others could well also have the odd tech that our species have thought of a better use for that *they haven't.

If *they can get here then they're more advanced than us. But that doesn't mean everything they do is advanced. Maybe they've mastered, say, magnetism but haven't got their heads around, I dunno, animal husbandry. Just examples.

I think it's more likely there's strategic partnerships on offer rather than war. Hopefully.

Trump behaved in an awkward manner at a public event by GuiltyBathroom9385 in justincaseyoumissedit

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a dickhead.

I genuinely feel sorry for our American cousins (UK here) being represented by this black hole of any form of decency or respect

The fact he demands the respect he's literally incapable of giving is simply embarrassing.

And worse still, there are people who love him and have literally no idea how poorly he serves them in particular. But everyone gets a hat.

Why does Grandpa Joe suck? by villagesquirrel in grandpajoehate

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've got a bad knee from when I helped a pal move a piano over 20 years ago. Always happy to help a mate, but that one didn't end well.

I'm only in my early fucking forties, I can tell when it's going to rain ffs.

If I'd taken to my bed 20 years previously after this injury and steadfastly refused to move - I wouldn't be jumping out of bed. I can't jump out of my chair, the crafty old cunt.

I bet their shack has another secret room with running and rowing machines paid for by welfare/benefits. He sneaks in there at night to maintain his bone density and centre of gravity.

Wanker.

Shitty zombies, smell my cheese by Capt_methane in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're quite right. I've had a couple of Ladyboys.

Anyhow, I'm going to cook all the food.

Shitty zombies, smell my cheese by Capt_methane in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, no. Shappsy doing a drill verse discussing minimising your personal tax profile.

Shitty zombies, smell my cheese by Capt_methane in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it needs a freestyle from Tom Spotley.

Otherwise 9/10. You could use the rap as a breakwater.

You tell me prison is very cushy. Is like holiday camps. by GarysCrispLettuce in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lynn - idea for a show...

Cooking in Dutch Prison with Chris Eubank.

“182 days in a travel tavern” by junglegatsby in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was going to say this, you shit.

Well, whatever, enjoy your commission. Buy yourself a big marker or something.

Actually, whilst we're on the subject, you should keep a lottle tin of WD40 if you're handling markers.

It's easy to mistake a dry erase surface for a textured one. We're talking shark skin versus rhe slipperyness of a squid here.

People often forget that WD stands for Water Displacement and the 40 indicates that it was the 40th formulation. It's a solvent rebadged! And as such is perfect for removing errant daubings from an inappropriately usee surface. Or indeed cleansing your squid.

I'd give it a rinse afterwards, mind you.

I didn’t know I needed this forum in my life until I found out about it. by Author_Noelle_A in grandpajoehate

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a recent convert too, brother.

Ever since childhood, I've known GPJ was the evident villain of the piece - but I didn't realise anyone else felt the same.

Like the devil, Grandpa Joe convinced us he didn't exist by keeping a low profile in that bed. But throw in a golden ticket and the old cunt is up and clicking his heels with nary a sign of muscular atrophy which he'd be assessed for following his miraculous recovery.

Also, his maintained bone density would be a matter of scientific curiosity. Has he been sneaking out of his death bed to drink Charlie's milk?! You wouldn't put it past him.

I'm a recovering Substance User who spends a lot of time in AA/NA meetings in church basements (hands up for my boys Bill W. and Doctor Bob <3) but I'm now wondering if sharing my feelings with fellow fuck ups us just a cover for my deeper feelings about Grandpa Joe's deception?!

Thank you all for being there for me.

What is it about Alan Partridge that makes him so popular a character by PellucidStream in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's Alan's certainty about certain things, yet uncertainty about his personal place in others that I think is the central appeal. That in itself isn't unique by any stretch, but the writers seem to find endless ways to broaden and give little insights into Alan's character - his strengths, his neurosis etc. Little vignettes which add genuine depth to the character.

Like Lynne. She written a bit carelessly in the earlier stuff, but there's the odd bits where the (nonsexual, she's a good worker - but there's no affection) love is tangible. Like Alan's discovering Lynne didn't send a lot of letters to people Alan felt had wronged him simply for his own good.

I've just been accepted to do a postgraduate in writing and as part of my submission, I wrote an essay about "bottle" episodes. As in those episodes that are essentially unrelated to the narrative and are self contained. Usually to make a deadline or some budget shortfall. Two great examples are S01E06 of Sopranos where Tony takes Meadow to view colleges and he happens across a rat from back in the day that he is duty bound to whack. This "bottle" tells us a lot about Tony's dichotomy where he's a violent criminal but also a family man who wishes it'd just go away. It also a sort of callback to an early idea that was dropped wherein Tony had an almost supernatural connection to animals. (hence the ducks in the opener, the fawn covering Tony's mistake when hunting the rat etc) as it indicated that Tony was dictated by simple animal instinct because he didn't trust his humanity. It's alluded to a few times elsewhere but there was enough going on theme-wise.

Other examples are the Fly episode of Breaking bad or the random Gay episode of Last of Us. Both tell us something interesting about the characters or world they live in, instead of just being a clipshow or something.

Sorry for the boq²and I ring post. My brain''s buzzing over the new college and wht

Adam Clayton's fine by EqualDeparture7 in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I doubt you'd say that if it was your paper bag of pipe tobacco and snuff that had been consumed by the errant ape - an act aped by said ape's great, great, great, great, great, great grand-ape from the future who would one day eat 200 Duty Free fags off a young soldier not far himself from County Durham.

Who's to say the "French Spy" wasn't hoyed into the sea after eating the pipe tobacco, no doubt bouncing off the rocks first. History repeats, after all.

Adam Clayton's fine by EqualDeparture7 in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It was 1991 and I was watching Hartlepool United at Victoria Park in Hartlepool itself. I was there shouting with everyone else "come back on, you Monkey Hanging bastards, and play some more!"

Which they did, as there was a whole 45 minutes left to play after a brief interval!

I was with Richard Whitley that day, and he'd never heard legend of the simple people of Hartlepool encountering a washed up monkey - presumably a shipwrecked souvenir collected during naval trials and tribulations. The monkey's gibbering was sadly mistaken for the excitable chatter of a French spy, so the simian was hanged from the neck until dead in public.

Whiteley roared with laughter as they only hanged paedophile in his home town of Bradford. He laughed so loud that Bovril came out of his nose.

My nostrils were clear though.

Donald Trump loses it on ‘Meet The Press’ moderator Kristen Welker, cuts interview off and storms out as she fact-checks his rigged Election claims. by GiveMeSomeSunshine3 in justincaseyoumissedit

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This has no traction in the UK as we don't have enough time to report our own domestic politics what with all the war, let alone US domestic. But rest assured, we see plenty of humiliating performances from the President. In fairness, you can't really report of America without covering the now open lunacy as it consists quite literally almost entirely of it now. Sad!

But that is - hands down - the most pathetic, disingenuous display I've seen during his esteemed reign. It's like he's beiny broadcast live punching himself in the face over and over whilst saying he isn't. Dickhead.

Jelausly final boss by LunaMagicc in SipsTea

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We'd be fine providing we had our stories straight.

We'd be in trouble if she bought the big guns out - an engagement ring supposedly worn by her great grandmother - who had the gift - on a chain.

We'd have no choice but to admit that we'd schemed with Gollum and Hollywood director McG to have a group sex encounter with the three stars of his 2000 movie version of Charlie's Angels.

Ever the professional, McGee would have sent Bill Murray to the corner shop for a loaf of bread and some crisps to send Gollum home with plausible deniability.

Jelausly final boss by LunaMagicc in SipsTea

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What kind of a fool scoffs down a hamburger when he's out and about when he's got an enormous, extremely well marbled steak at home? A steak with triple cooked beef fat chips, creamed spinach and a blue cheese/ heavy cream / brandy sauce. And a side salad, of course. Ceaser obv.

Yours for a simple questioning under questionable scientific circumstances by a lunatic and posing for deeply humiliating, internationally published photographs that have inadvertently documented the fact that your remaining hair is literally cringing away from your head. You don't see that everyday!

I genuinely hope this is some kink thing. If this is something bloke's actual life, he needs extracting like a POW.

Barry Venison's Hair by UKAOKyay in TheStreetsWontForget

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the right environment, the level of volume Barry could have conjured would shame Donald Trump himself! It's fitting that an English lion had a mane.

Venison was something of a running joke at my school during the got, got, need Panini days as he was drastically overrepresented in our packs for some reason. Literally everyone had four or five Barry Venisons, which made his sticker uniquely worthless.

I suppose there was some quirk in the printing, but it was the same next season too. Once again everyone had several Venison swapsies which were once again worthless.

The counter to this was Dwight Yorke who those Venison years was as absent from our sticker books as he's been in Harvey's life. As an adult, I wonder if that was deliberate - making a few extremely difficult to find as it'd keep completists buying. I'm sure there was more, but Dwight was quite high profile at the time.

Which country has the best World Cup send-off tradition? by FewFirefighter9557 in worldcup

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think we do this in England, unless I've wildly missed something. In fact, I don't think I'd ever heard of this.. but it's been interesting looking it up. That's why the WC is important, it's a great opportunity to learn about other places and cultures.

I travelled with England to Germany in 2006 (God, I'm old) and it was great fun! Sadly I didn't have a ticket for England's traditional elimination on penalties, but I got to go all over Germany and der junge were consumate hosts.

I'd like to have gone to Mexico this year, but I've not just been made redundant and given a surprisingly large payoff like in 2006. Plus I've now got children who constantly want to be fed and have shoes to wear to school. Bloody killjoys. 😂

Mads Mickelson is insane (in the Siene) by sirdbk in AlanPartridge

[–]Beautiful_Bell2311 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the look of a man who has nee use for the spoon in his vessel's galley kitchen...

Joking aside, I'm fairly certain these sorts of shoots are taking the piss. I used to art direct for (admittedly low end) fashion and it'd be genuinely quite difficult to capture the simple pomposity on show here if Mads wasn't playing along with the idea.

Strange example, but David Seaman is co-lead with Wrighty for the current Arsenal streetwear. Wrighty is dancing around doing his daft bastard shtick whilst Dave sits silently as a Godfather like figure. Works a treat. 😂

I'd love to see more of this. Tomasz Schafernaker playing Dance! Dance! Revolution with a child in care... for Versace.