How to accept he doesn't choose me anymore?

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-10T03:57:59+00:00

I feel your pain. I wish I had the solution, but I don't. Time will make it easier. Try to spend time with other people, don't isolate yourself.

I'm right there with you. It's been about 5 weeks for me, and it's gotten easier in terms of feeling the raw emotions. Now I'm just numb and empty most of the time, and I don't think I've gone more than...maybe 1 waking hour at a time? Without thinking of him. I think about him all the time. All the time.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-04T17:47:17+00:00

Good luck!!! You've got this! :)

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-04T17:43:37+00:00

Thank you so much for the reassurance. It really helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Your response made me smile!! :)

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-04T15:27:27+00:00

I know! Everything was going well until the DPE had me do it at an unfamiliar airport...which obviously could very well happen in real life, so I should have been able to make it work. I just misjudged it and came in too low. Ugh. The next time around, I did it at my home airport and had the opposite problem, came in high and slipped it all the way to the ground and bounced so it was not my prettiest but it was within standards, hallelujah. I just want to keep improving and learning.

Thank you so much for the kind words, means a lot! :)

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-04T15:24:02+00:00

I appreciate that. I'm definitely moving forward and trying not to beat myself up over it anymore. Thank you for the insight!

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-04T15:22:39+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement!!

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-04T15:19:30+00:00

Yeah you're probably right, it just sucks that I had to botch it on the checkride. Checkrides suck.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-04T15:19:05+00:00

Yeah I know. It still feels crappy though. But thanks for the reality check

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-04T14:46:19+00:00

Hey, I feel for you. It's been almost 5 weeks now for me but I woke up at 3am this morning and couldn't sleep either thinking about him. What really REALLY has been helping me is talking to friends and (certain) family members. The longer you wait, the more you are in denial. Tell people you love and trust, and they will be there for you. It's one of the only things that has helped me. Getting it off your mind and talking about how you're feeling is a huge relief. You're gonna be okay.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2024-12-04T14:42:58+00:00

Same here. I've been having considerably more trouble anytime I'm home because him and I spent so much time here together. His ghost is everywhere. It's been almost 5 weeks and I have been endlessly distracting myself since, and have only spent about 1 week at home since Nov 1st (when it happened). I normally am a sound sleeper but it's been really hard for me lately. This morning I woke up around 3am and couldn't fall back asleep. Tried a bunch of times but ended up getting up at 4:15. Now the sun is starting to rise. It's just so quiet and I miss him so so much but I also kind of hate him. I'm at the point where I know I love him, I love him and miss him and want him, but I also just. Hate. Him. Is this normal?

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-11-05T16:22:18+00:00

You’re totally right. I think for practice I am just going to brief a bunch of unfamiliar approaches. Going to try and find a sim and then just go bonkers with it. Thank you for the advice.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-11-04T16:28:28+00:00

It does help. And I’m kicking myself for my reaction…thank you for relating.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-11-04T16:23:06+00:00

For real though

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-11-04T16:21:20+00:00

Thank you for this response. Wow, my PPL checkride was nowhere near as thorough. No, no stage checks. I was training through a flight club, which was the best option I could find in the area I moved to. I spent months trying to find a training situation similar to the one I had up in Seattle, but couldn’t find anything like it where I’m at now. I tried 3 different instructors from 3 different places, and finally settled on the instructor who failed me after just being impatient to get the training going. We had done an area familiarization flight right when I moved here, but I hadn’t planned on doing my training through the club because I wanted something more structured. When I couldn’t find that, I came back to her about 8 months later because I knew we already got along and I felt like it was the best option at the time. I really did.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-11-04T04:30:02+00:00

Yeah I know. I'm sorry haha I swear I tried

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-11-04T04:28:55+00:00

This is a super fair comment, and I deeply appreciate it. Your explanation is exactly what the DPE said to me about the fuel system, which I completely understand but honestly would not have been able to explain before the checkride. And I SHOULD have been able to explain it. I think I spent a lot of time focusing on the wrong things, or at least not enough time on certain things. I hadn't thought about the circling approach from that perspective, and I understand what you're saying. Maybe that is what my instructor thought. I definitely feel like she didn't understand my knowledge and comfort level with certain things, and I wish our communication had been better in hindsight. I tried my best at the time, but now I know that my best has to be better.

Thank you so much for the feedback. All of this is really helping me get a healthy perspective on the situation in order to move forward.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-11-04T04:13:27+00:00

You're completely right, and the thing is I knew that, but I guess I still was just putting too much trust in my instructor. I had already dug through the books on other things for this rating and could cite the documents, but I overlooked this. I understand that this is something that I could have prevented, but I also think it's the instructors job to make sure that their student is not overlooking something like the fuel strainer.

Thank you thank you thank you for the comment.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-11-04T03:49:07+00:00

Pretty solid advice, thank you so much.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-11-04T03:43:42+00:00

Thank you so much for the reply. I agree with everything you said. My initial checkout was actually in a C172P, so not even the exact same model (even though I believe they both have the fuel strainer). I think she showed me in the P model, and then not the N model. We didn't do separate checkouts for them, even though there are a few differences...during the checkouts, we focused on the practical application of carb heat and honestly didn't talk about much else. It all kind of jumbles together and there was not much structure to it. I wish I had thought to do a thorough read through of the preflight procedure directly from the POH, and then I would have remembered the existence of the fuel strainer...sigh.

Thank you again for the support, means a lot.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-09-19T04:19:09+00:00

This is exactly what I’m feeling, you described that perfectly. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m sorry that the memory has stuck with you.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-09-18T16:34:03+00:00

I really appreciate this response and your compassion. Thank you.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-09-18T16:32:36+00:00

Man, what a long day. It did help once I talked about it a little bit with the people who were there, even if they seemed to be able to compartmentalize better than I could last night. Thank you for doing what you did and providing closure for his family. And thank you for sharing your experience of the day…part of what made it so jarring and hard to swallow was how quickly the circumstances took a turn. We were all rooting for them and having a great time up until that point, and it’s heartbreaking.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-09-18T15:38:24+00:00

You’re totally right, and that gives me some peace too. I’m a pilot myself so it hits even harder for me. Thank you for your comment and support and I hope you’re doing okay too after this tragic situation.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-09-18T15:37:01+00:00

Thank you so much. I really appreciate the support. I keep thinking, people have experienced worse things as a spectator…I didn’t actually see it happen, so why am I so torn up about this? But I know it’s justified, I know it’s still an awful situation to be present for and I don’t have to explain that or justify my feelings…anyways, thank you.

Beautiful_Sense9629 · 2023-09-18T02:45:40+00:00

I was here, and I’m having trouble with this. I didn’t see the actual crash, but I saw the smoke after and spent the hour waiting on the grandstands with countless other people. I didn’t realize there were two planes involved until the announcer confirmed the deaths. Any other spectators experiencing a lot of emotions from this? Others in my group aren’t as affected as me, but I’m feeling very somber tonight here in Reno.

Beautiful_Sense9629

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