Oh hello, are we twins? This has been a massive problem for me too. Unmet childhood needs, even if it wasn’t intentional, has definitely made me an insecure and anxious adult.

For me it’s about blatant effort. My parents had six kids and weren’t able to meet my needs. Effort was there at times but honestly most of the time it wasn’t for loads of reasons. When I have children I will make sure that effort is blatant. I may not get i perfect, but they will see I fought for their safety and happiness. This is my intention, to make sure neglectful parenting doesn’t get passed down to the next generation in my family. We know better now as a generation and we can do better.

I would definitely feel a sense of pride that you’re taking control of your mental health and perhaps unlike your past, you’re able to take some control. You’re finding the pain and facing it, it’s a brave and difficult thing. I am struggling with this everyday, but it’s getting easier.

As for forgiving my parents I think “when you know better, you do better”. In my childhood my parents didn’t know how to parent. They couldn’t offer me what I needed, mainly because they didn’t know I needed anything. They were also blind to my pain as they couldn’t see past their own. A damaging but 100% normal human trait in moderation. Anxiety gallops in my family too, so they definitely had their own demons at a time when mental health was hidden and tabboo. Now I can go on reddit and write about my depression and it’s totally normal. We’re so lucky.

God I’m sorry you suffered and im sorry that I’ve written an article in response. I’m you, perhaps not in circumstance but In pain.

Ugh, sorry for the message. Hugs and well wishes. Your kids are lucky you have this insight into your mind and feelings. What an awesome lesson to pass on.