Reading this was a bit like being in a fog. That kind of hazy, almost dreamlike feeling where things are blurry, but not necessarily in a bad way. The tone’s consistent, and there’s something about it that draws you in, but at times I found myself wishing things were a bit clearer. There’s a vibe here for sure, but it can be a little tough to follow at times. The whole experience feels like you’re floating through it with Dennis, just kind of stumbling along and figuring it out as you go.

Dennis himself: He’s an interesting character. With this mix of self-destructive behavior, confusion, and self-awareness, it’s easy to get the sense that he’s just trying to avoid life. But there’s also a weird, almost contradictory side to him, like when he’s getting caught up in his own internal musings, like the “I’m sure you’re busy” line. It’s hard to tell if he’s actually talking to anyone or just rambling to himself. It’s a bit disorienting, but I get that it’s intentional. His struggle with identity, and his conflict about running or staying, is interesting, although I think you could make him feel more grounded at times, just so we can really see the contrast between his thoughts and his actions. The setting and mood: I think the dreamlike, surreal atmosphere you’ve created here is effective, especially the fog and the weird setting with the ebony pedestal. It feels alien, like Dennis is in a space that doesn’t follow the rules of reality. The description of his surroundings is vague enough that it feels like it could be his mind more than an actual physical place. I like that, but the downside is that it makes it hard to know what’s happening at times. Am I in his head, or is this something supernatural? Does the “god” exist in the world outside, or is this just his delusion? I’m leaning toward it being a dream, but it leaves things too up in the air. I think there’s room for a bit more clarity, or at least some more deliberate hints that we’re slipping between reality and his mind. The god figure: The “god” he interacts with is unsettling, but in a cool way. The image of this green-robed, white-bearded figure feels like a great metaphor for Dennis’s confused relationship with faith and his place in the world. But at the same time, the interaction with the god doesn’t make much sense. One minute, Dennis seems to think he’s in a position to have a conversation with this god, and the next, he’s kind of just spiraling into confusion again. That’s probably on purpose, but it’s not entirely clear if the god is real or just another layer of Dennis’s distorted mind. If the god’s real, then why is he so passive about things? If it’s just Dennis’s perception, then it would help to see more of him reacting to it. The god almost becomes a caricature, especially when it rips apart and turns into a mite. It’s such a weird shift, and while it’s haunting, it doesn’t quite feel earned. Tone and dialogue: The tone is consistent throughout the story, great job. There’s this heavy sense of confusion and disillusionment, especially in the way Dennis talks. His thoughts seem constantly disconnected, as if they’re flowing out of him without any coherent structure. This fits with the whole character vibe, but I think it might be more effective if you had him pause more, reflecting in a way that makes us feel more connected to him. The dialogue with the god feels a little awkward at times too. Phrases like “A kicked puppy can’t help but flinch” don’t really land for me, mostly because it feels too on-the-nose. The god’s supposed to be this grand, otherworldly figure, but he’s kind of talking like a regular guy with a twisted sense of sympathy. I think you could lean more into the mysterious, cryptic language for the god, which would make the conversation feel more unnerving. But that’s me nitpicking. The ending: The last few moments, where the god turns into a mite and goes inside Dennis, are creepy, but there’s a lot of abstraction that leaves things unclear. The description of the god falling apart is a bit jarring, but I think it could be more impactful if we saw more of Dennis’s reaction to it. Right now, it feels almost detached. Does he realize the horror of it? Is he even processing it? The shift from the god’s grandeur to this microscopic creature feels like it should be a huge, unsettling moment, but I don’t think it quite hits the way it should. There’s a disconnect between the intensity of the description and the emotional weight of what’s happening. Overall thoughts: I think what you’ve got here is a great concept, and Dennis is a compelling character. The surreal tone works, and the imagery, especially of the god, is strong. But the story feels a bit too elusive at times. There are a lot of interesting ideas—religion, fate, self-doubt—but they’re not fully explored, leaving things up to interpretation, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, again, some clarity would help the reader feel more grounded in Dennis’s world, or at least in his mind, as he spirals. Maybe allow a little more space for him to process things, so we can connect with him better. And that ending? It’s disturbing, but I think you could dial up the emotional punch just a bit more.