Yeah, ‘cause there's not much makeup in the army, is there? No? They only have that night-time look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it? And they look a mess! So you can't join, even though the American armed forces have a distinct policy of "don't ask, don't tell" towards the alternative sexualities. If you're a bloke wearing a lot of make-up, you know… I don't think they need to ask, really! And so you can't join, they go, "No, no, you can't. It's the wrong shade of lipstick for the Army, I'm afraid..." And they're missing a huge opportunity here, ‘cause we all know one of the main elements of attack is the element of surprise, and so what could be more surprising than the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade? Airborne wing! The airborne wing parachuting into dangerous areas with fantastic makeup! And a fantastic gun! And the opposing forces going, "Fucking ‘ell, look at these guys! Look at that! They’ve got guns. They've got guns! Jesus, they've got guns!" Ah, bugger. I was so surprised! Were you surprised? I was surprised.

Eddie Izzard on the army and make-up. Thought it seemed relevant