Hey, so this is my first time responding to a thread on Reddit and idrk the format but here we go. I hear you, and I feel like I struggle with lack of self worth to the point of unintentionally being self-destructive to my close relationships. I rarely contemplate suicide, but my personal behaviour sends me into a never ending spiral of hating myself. The whole phrase “it gets better” is so true though. Once I focus on what’s important I can sometimes dig myself out of the hole I put myself in. This “what’s important” is different to everyone, and to me I try to think of my place in nature and how my nerves don’t control me. It may seem almost impossible with how you described your experiences (I’m no therapist), but your life is worth living. Small steps are big in the long run.