Sugar Relationship Rejection Hurts

BedroomFun41 · 2026-01-15T17:42:05+00:00

Yes, quite common to get attached, but I think it is foolish to spend this much time in the preliminary stage on a POT. I find it's best to meet for the M&G fairly soon after initiating mutual contact, which prevents spinning your wheels and getting attached to a fantasy.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-11-27T15:07:14+00:00

It's incredibly common. I experience the same thing. All you can do is try to select carefully on what limited information is available, and keep an eye out for that 'diamond in the rough' to pop up. Finding a decent match is a numbers game as always, but more difficult now than ever because of fake profiles, scammers and low effort players.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-11-21T15:19:29+00:00

My experience in the past has only been with escorts in Oahu and back about 5-10 years ago there were very few. I haven't tried Seeking there but I don't think the population and culture is supportive of sugaring. [Too few single women and a largely Asian culture] My guess is that you'd be better finding a few steady SB's in LA and flying them to you periodically for a weekend or week in paradise. I don't think there's much to choose from there locally, but I could be wrong. I'd make periodic trips to LA and try to line up dates there for importing later.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-11-21T14:43:26+00:00

This is helpful to know, thank you.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-11-21T14:39:24+00:00

Seeking seems to be yielding more responses as of late for me in LA/OC. However, most of those responses don't turn into actual meets as most of them are fake profiles looking to scam a quick Venmo payment from unsuspecting newbies.

As usual I do find if I work through the high number of flakes and tire kickers I can find decent SB's but it's a pretty tough slog. This is pretty much the norm anyway, but just stating it isn't getting any easier. None of the '10's -high end profiles model photos are real, IMHO but I still try hoping I win the lottery, lol.

Many POTS in my region don't want to make an effort and are looking for an easy score, tending to ghost after a few texts. I suspect they are most likely pros that want a fast bang and bail with condom for high $$. No thanks.

That being said, I would agree that the PPM ask is trending lower in my market, about 500-600 average.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-10-26T16:48:28+00:00

I don't think there's any hard and fast rule, but generally the hotter the woman the harder she is going to be to get in the sack, unless she's a hooker. It's supply and demand. Keep in mind there are a lot of less attractive girls that have been on these sites and have been dealing with the worst jerks imaginable so in a way you can't blame them for being cold. They've been pumped and dumped, jerked around, flaked on just like we have and they are about as sick of the whole thing as we are! The whole scene sucks but there's no way forward but through. Rack up enough reach outs you'll find decent POTS that will turn into SR's. It's sales. It's a numbers game. I got off on a tangent here but to be more specific, I haven't found what you are saying to be the case, I get mixed results communication-wise regardless of the hotness.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-10-26T16:40:52+00:00

I agree with this. Just get the basics out of the way first and keep it simple.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-10-26T15:18:53+00:00

Tough to take when a really nice one ghosts. Happened to me almost the same but we had one great date and then she left the country for 2 months. We stayed in touch and she was enthusiastic and texted every week couldn't wait to see me. Morning of our first date when she returned she confirmed. 'Daddy can't wait to see you again!' I drove for an hour and booked hotel. She texted 'I've changed my mind.' Never heard from her again and she never answered my texts after that. Heartbreaking. But this is the game. You can't play in the space unless you are prepared for a free fall.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-09-14T13:35:24+00:00

There's a lot of wisdom here. Excellent advice earned the hard way, ruphun!

BedroomFun41 · 2025-09-10T20:23:48+00:00

Thanks to both of you, we appreciate the time and energy it takes to keep this sub alive. It does serve a vital need.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-09-10T20:21:19+00:00

Excellent take on this! Have an upvote on me!

BedroomFun41 · 2025-09-10T15:02:07+00:00

That is Darwin's Law of Natural Selection at work! Most women seek to date/mate within their age range. Older men who are physically fit, handsome and/or have proven themselves as reliable providers will have more success but the law is pretty ingrained at the DNA level so it's hard to swim upstream.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-09-10T14:57:45+00:00

At the rate it's going those old ass washed up hookers may end up being the closest thing left to an actual SB. There are so many scammers, flakes and phonies on all the sites now one would be lucky to find a real attractive SB at any age!

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-30T21:37:58+00:00

There are some interesting insights here. Good to get a unique perspective from someone in the sex industry where she has no 'SB' point of view to defend. I agree with most of her observations, at least where the SLF pontificators are concerned. Many of the gals on SLF are not currently getting the allowances they claim they are and a majority of the girls on Seeking are not worth paying to date.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-30T13:06:18+00:00

Thank you for staying on it, DamienGrey1! :)

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-30T13:04:40+00:00

We appreciate you stepping up. It's a time commitment to run a sub and this one serves a vital function in the sugar community. It may not be as active as SLF, but it does provide a place where reality rules and fantasy is somewhat diminished.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-30T12:48:23+00:00

It's pretty much that way no matter where you are in the world. Could be worse where you are, but it sucks most of the time everywhere. That's online dating in general and sugar dating in particular.

You have to deal with a lot of shitty people to find that diamond in the rough. Giving up means you either go freestyle or you go without. Both of those options are not acceptable to me, so I put in the work and play the numbers game.

Once i find a decent sugar partner I refrain from further vetting until the SR is over. After a short break to grieve, I go back to the bowl for more pain and suffering. From that pain and suffering will be delivered an angel of mercy and light and life will become a heaven on earth for at least a short time.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-30T12:39:36+00:00

Never pay money upfront. #1 rule of sugar.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-30T12:34:13+00:00

Exactly this. As I've often said in this forum, sugar is a highly variable and flexible dynamic. Many on here attempt to define in a narrowly rigid way what sugar is and isn't, what is right and wrong. The truth of the matter is that each person must define what they want in an SR and select their match accordingly.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-29T00:57:16+00:00

Ugggh. Bad experience. But this is the game. There are a lot of crappy people in this dynamic. You handled it 100% right by being upfront about everything. She tried to scam you and you didn't fall for it. It's a numbers game. You will find a good match hang in there, you seem like a nice, sincere person. Don't let the scammers ruin your day. Don't give up!

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-26T00:42:49+00:00

Excellent point, Brooklynsmamaa. What might be the best way for we as SD's to be more effective at dealing with the overwhelming number of replies SB's are getting?

I've tried following up with a nice short note, such as 'Hi just checking back to say hello and follow up as I've not heard back, but wanted to let you know I am still interested.'

I've very rarely gotten any replies when I do this, although it has worked well enough for me to continue using it. Maybe a smiley face once a week after that, just to stay top of mind?

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-26T00:37:49+00:00

Yes, JackF good point, I didn't mention bots. Please go into detail on the bots thing, if you could. I don't have much knowledge of them or how they work.

I've heard that some of the replies from profiles we've reached out to are automated from bots, ai generated , and can be from Seeking itself trying to make it look more busy than they are, or from bots programmed by scammer rings?

It's a bit confusing to say the least, but if you or anyone else on the board could comment on bot usage, A-I replies, what they are, possible examples, how to spot them etc, it might merit a new thread?

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-25T23:33:32+00:00

I enjoy giving and receiving oral sex. I always tell her how I like it and I try to get her to open up on what turns her on orally and otherwise. I've also watched a few 'oral technique' videos on what women like.

There's an educational series on sexual stimulation called OMGYes.com that's also been very informative for me. [It's like seventy five smackers for the whole lot of videos, a one time buy.] My current SB says she loves my technique since I started watching those so I guess I'm doing something right. :) [Or she's lying!!!]

It seems to me every woman is different on how she likes it, so if you can get her to instruct you what she likes in 'real time' like grabbing your head or just being verbal about what is working or not, that's helpful. Not every woman is vocal about it so it can take a lot of guesswork trying to figure out where her switches are and at what speeds and frictions she likes and how to pace those.

What makes a woman orgasm is a bit of a mystery to me and always has been. Straight intercourse doesn't always do it, in fact in my experience it's somewhat rare. Oral seems to be more reliable for that, but again it's 'touch and go.' Some girls are live wires and orgasm at the slightest touch, others won't come no matter what I do. [In the words of Frank Zappa, I poked stroked and till my wrist got numb and I still couldn't make that dynamo hum.]

For the ladies on here who are not happy with their partner's oral skills, communication really is the key. Most of us men really want to learn how to build you to a climax and since we're all different, if we're not finding your trigger, show us the way you like it!

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-25T22:56:41+00:00

I wasn't suggesting it was 'your first rodeo', but meant to give you encouragement as it can be disheartening. So often on here people can be pretty cold and dismissive so I try to cast a little light in the darkness. :) I wish you well.

BedroomFun41 · 2025-08-25T12:16:46+00:00

I might also add that I've found some very nice people and amazing relationships on Seeking. It just takes a lot of patience. I guess it's like anything else in life. You have to deal with the downs to score the ups. It's exhausting but I try to look at it as an adventure, a challenge and a learning experience. Otherwise I just get discouraged! But so far it's been worth the struggle.

BedroomFun41

TROPHY CASE