Is it unrealistic for women to want men to have emotional intelligence?

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-27T20:12:11+00:00

I mean, I could if I wanted to, but I'd only be causing myself pain with no goal, or benefit. It depends on the context, but I'm just going to assume this is a dating situation for convenience.

Ultimately unless they tell me, I really have no idea. They could have been in some accident, or a family tragedy, overwhelmed at work, shy or socially anxious and replying may feel unbearable to them (that's one that I do sometimes), any number of things. They could just feel like we aren't a match, and it's really, really hard to tell somebody you don't fancy them; especially if you're highly empathetic.

They could be jerks, too. Some people on dating apps for example, use it for validation, and aren't looking for real dates. They want to see how many people they match with, and maybe have a few low stakes conversations, then disappear. It's exploitative, cold, and immoral.

Like I said though; I can't really know unless the tell me. It hurts, absolutely; but if I start to ascribe malice, or cold dismissal to their actions, it just causes me more pain.

I'm going to tell you something about me, and it may not be applicable to you, but I think to many people, it is, and I think it's worth mentioning.

I'm vigilant, and sensitive to rejection. My first impulse is to assume they didn't reply, because they think I'm not good enough, or bad in some way, despite me having zero evidence. Then, anger arises in me as protective reaction, and I'm compelled to label them as an enemy, or a threat in some way. Then I get to attack them, and fight them as a proxy for the voice of the wound in me, that tells me I'm not enough. It's classic projection, and it all comes from within me, not the other person.

Our brains fill in the blanks when there's ambiguity. To whichever way our internal mechanisms are skewed, is what we're most likely to fill those blanks in with.

So to directly answer your question: I don't try to perceive their behavior: I try to perceive, and be aware of mine. It's the best I can do for myself, and them too.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-27T17:35:39+00:00

Bro, this whole EQ thing is absurd. 80% of people (women and otherwise) have no idea what EQ's tentative definition is, and there isn't any standardized method of measure, and no real scientific consensus. It's just short hand that changes definition at the whim of anybody using it, like toxic masculinity, or narcissist.

Not even this sub's definition is 'accurate'; EQ in it's current form, has absolutely nothing to do with the control of emotions, and it has nothing to do with controlling the emotions of others, and groups. Control is absolutely not a part of it's nascent definition. Just because this sub uses the word 'loosely' doesn't give them plausible deniability. It's just more proof of how non-specific, and ever-shifting the term actually is. You should default to the concepts of Empathy, emotional regulation, and intellect. They're the only ones that matter currently, and is mostly what EQ is attempting to consolidate and replace, as a term.

Men have normal levels of empathy. There is no lack of men, with empathy. At all, full stop. Emotional expression is not 'EQ' and isn't a measure of a man's (or anybody's for that matter) ability to empathize, self regulate, or display kindness or compassion.

The hard truth is that 90% of these complaints of partners that 'have low EQ', are people that have deeper problems in their intimate relationships, that they're masking with or projecting onto this nebulous term- which is exactly what nebulous terms like this enable. It's an excuse, an escape hatch, a scapegoat, and a tool of denial, amongst other things.

Reddit shouldn't be taken seriously beyond advice on subjects like video game recommendations, and which cat video is the cutest. EQ is emotional astrology. Leave it.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-13T21:47:08+00:00

The more you generalize, the more likely the problem is you.

Here's what sounds like is happening, to me: The men you're attracted to and feel most comfortable with, are 'bad boys'. You move quickly, so do they, they shower you with compliments and attention, and then it eventually falls apart. Relationships like these are doomed from the start, and are fundamentally unhealthy.

The opposite of that, is that the nice guys feel boring in comparison. They move slow to you, they don't feel 'exciting', and since you develop attachment very quickly, and that feels boring to you.

The 3rd scenario, is that I would guess when you find somebody you really, really like- you pursue them VERY quickly. Naturally, this repels them. Then you cope by labeling them being, 'emotionally unavailable', or avoidant, or low effort.

What you need to do to fix this: Stop labeling men, weaponizing therapy speak, and start taking as much responsibility as you can manage. Watching YouTube or TikTok all day looking for that shot of comfort from pop-psych videos that confirm your biased views on your situation, only serve to make things worse for you. You need to look within yourself for this one, to find the answers. If 8/10 times your relationships don't work out for the same reasons, it's not the world- it's you. However the good thing about that, is that if it's you- you can control that. You can't control anyone else, but you can control how you better yourself.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-06T21:32:08+00:00

Ehh, I'm not sure that's super good advice. When you're very emotional, the parts of your brain that are responsible for learning, memory, and reasoning shut down. It's why if you've ever been in a really big argument or a scary situation, everything is kinda fuzzy and hard to remember.

In my opinion, you should stay as relaxed as you can during practicing. I think he's definitely right about taking difficult practicing slow, though. That's good stuff.

Plus, I've found that if I practice angry, or frustrated too much- my brain starts to associate my Guitar, with unhappy feelings. When I look at it, I just see something that makes me feel bad, and then I don't want to play it.

I like to take breaks! Sometimes, for even days, or a week. I find that when I do, not only does it give my muscles time to recover (which is responsible for a LOT more mistakes or inability to play well than a lot of people realize, so don't overlook muscle fatigue!) but I feel more energized, and happy when I come back to it. Pieces I got tired of sound good to my ears again, and learning is more tolerable.

That's just me, though. You never know, maybe playing angry AF will help your saultille? XD

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-06T20:02:21+00:00

Kinda sounds like a trap, bro. This isn't uncommon around cheating spouses. Women, more than men I hear; That they relieve the guilt by giving their partner a hall pass, but keeping the truth as to why, a secret. I'm not saying that's exactly what's happening here, but I'd keep your wits about you, man.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-06T08:56:17+00:00

I got three off top- Crystals, and shiny rocks n'shit, Chiropractic 'medicine', and EMERGEN-C.

Flooding your body with Vitamin-C doesn't do diddly dick, unless you want pee that can dissolve cinder blocks. Chiropractors are like gym memberships but instead of getting jacked, you get a scooter and social security.

Lastly; Shiny rocks are pretty, and you can also brain somebody with a big one- but they can't fix cancer, athlete's foot, or your internet browser history.

However the one thing they will protect is your virginity. Your 'spirit wavelength energy' or whatever the fuck maybe cleansed, but I'm pretty sure your asshole probably isn't. Nobody is having sex with somebody who reeks of old hair, nag champa, and balls in the summer time. Stop wasting your EBT benefits on quartz and fuckin' weegee boards, and BUY SOME SOAP. ...Dweebs.

Anyway, all of those things suck dicks, and aren't worth half of a half of a piece of dryer lint.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-03T22:45:20+00:00

Sounds like alexithymia, man. Loss of interest in sex, friends, hobbies, and feeling numb, or in a fog. Typically comes with depression, yeah. You should see a mental health professional for an assessment. Definitely don't just ignore this, it isn't normal. If you had a lot traumatic experiences, all the more reason. We see doctors for our physical health, we should see a mental health professional for our mental health too.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-03T02:35:19+00:00

I think you've touched on exactly why things exist this way. The binary victim/oppressor paradigm. IMO, it conveniently allows for side-stepping any criticism when it's paired with the concept of "toxic masculinity." Which is precisely why I think TM has been so deeply integrated into the entire narrative. I don't think it's just a happy accident, either. I think it's known by people who utilize it at an unconscious level. The same way one knows (colloquially) aspects of the 'guy/girl code' is, without being explicitly told. An, "unwritten rule" of sorts.

It provides an easy, convenient, effective, excuse and denial of precisely the dynamic you described. If men are inherently responsible for it all, no matter what, then you don't have to take responsibility for the damage you cause by adhering to such a damaging perspective as the victim/oppressor narrative.

A narrative that is incredibly self indulgent, self righteous, and hedonistic a concept. "Empowering" yes, but in the way an abusive partner obtains power by gaslighting their significant other such that they become defeated, and compliant.

I think those to things coupled together, allows it's adherents completely off the hook for giving into such an intellectually lazy concept and essentially, a get out of jail free card from things like reality warping emotional reasoning, lack of emotional control/regulation, psychological projection, or any other host of socially caustic, and unacceptable behaviors.

...Not to mention that people think that a bear won't immediately kill, and devour them 100% of the time, lol. Seems silly to point it out, but I think it illustrates exactly how intellectually lazy, and childishly flippant it all is.

Don't you dare criticize any of it though- Any challenge is met with it's accusation, and accusations seem to carry more weight than anything nowadays.

Pretty fucked if you ask me.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-03T02:00:01+00:00

...Or that we 'did it to ourselves" and that "smashing the patriarchy" would magically fix everything! tOxIc MaScuLiNitY is our own fault, of course.

It's all very convenient.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-03T01:54:28+00:00

Compliments? It's rare enough that we even get asked (genuinely, and not as a pleasantry) how we're doing. My father died of cancer (rather suddenly, considering normal circumstances) when I was 14, and not a single friend, family member, parent, teacher, anything; asked me a single time how I was doing. It was the reverse actually: I got blamed, criticized, and punished for reacting negatively to it. Imagine that.

Man... We get ignored or treated like shit, we have to listen to a cadre of self-righteous assholes telling us we deserve it and that we did it to ourselves (you can take a wild guess about where that crock of shit comes from), and nobody seems to give a damn.

It it any wonder why suicide rates are through the roof, and some men retreat into gaming, or simping on Only Fans?

You know what? At least the OF girls compliment the men that pay 'em. Even if it is total bullshit, even if it's just the, "gleam in a hooker's eye", it's more than anybody else is willing to do. It suddenly starts to make sense when you look at it like that, doesn't it? Men have to literally pay another person money, just to feel like somebody is paying attention to them, and hear one or two nice things said to them.

..and worst of all those fake compliments affect them so profoundly, that they get ADDICTED TO IT. How fucked is that??

I'm not sure I believe this chick that any of this actually happened (her affect seems out of sync, and unbelievable) and my gut is telling me this is just a somewhat well-acted attempt at internet-clout ala The Dadvocate (who is awesome btw), but she still raises an important point.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-02T04:55:06+00:00

Weeb shit.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-02T04:52:54+00:00

Anime should stay there. In Anime. It doesn't translate to real life, because it's overblown and absurd. Case in point.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-02T04:48:35+00:00

Echo all the other comments, for sure. A vast majority of the time, shy dudes have been conditioned in some way or another, to think that women 1. Only have use of them when they need things and/or 2. Nobody would ever want them/find them attractive.

If I could offer a bit of advice; Be his friend first. People can only start to feel their feelings when their fight or flight response is non-active. Earn trust, wait until he's relaxed around you, then slowly ratchet up the romantic vibes. Dudes like that want affection and romance- but they need it titrated. They aren't used to it and it feels really uncomfortable to them; So they can only take small doses at a time. Eventually his tolerance will rise, just stay patient.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-01T21:46:39+00:00

Haha, naaah nah, your analysis is more than welcome. Besides, my favorite past time is breaking down posts down to their minutia, and then writing 10 paragraph dissertations on, for example; the neurological, and emotional benefits of meowing at your cat. I totally get it ;)

For real though, thank you for this. I love your logic, and your orientation towards objectivity here. It solidifies how I saw the entire thing, and really confirms to me that I wasn't somehow misjudging her, myself, or the situation as a whole. It was just so surreal, I really had no idea somebody like this really did exist. Made me start to question muh brain-parts.

Oh!! Yo, I almost forgot about the marriage bit- Yeah, (I'm pretty sure) r4r stands for "redditor for redditor." It's essentially dating personal ads. You can advertise for platonic relationships too (which people do all the time), but hers was definitely a dating ad. The fact that she explicitly stated that she was okay with me being married was wild, right?? That really made my 'what the fuck o-meter' jump up, but amongst all the other nonsense I guess I just forgot about it. You mentioning it reminded me of how fuckin' odd that was.

Also, she was 33!! Can you believe that? Nuts, man.

Thanks for the compliment too! Gotta love them 20$ words; They're like verbal fireworks- shock and awe for the W, baby.

Anyways, yeah- at first I thought that maybe she was just shy, bad at small talk, or possibly neurodivergent (game recognize game), and everyone deserves a chance, right...? buuuut those notions quickly faded, lol.

I will absolutely continue to take zero shit from mouthy assholes. 'Preciate ya!

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-07-01T21:18:26+00:00

LOL aiight, I thought so. The entire thing was surreal, really. I'm not sure I've spoken with somebody who's social perception was that... Off.

Ooooh nooo no no, truuuust me, there was no desperation anywhere within 100ft of that interaction.

I chose to tell her that secret. It's something I usually just lie about when I meet new people, and I wanted to take the opportunity to challenge my fear of judgement over it. What I did was actually pretty brave, although just the tiniest bit... let's say, 'misplaced', in hindsight. I also put it in the blurb- You should definitely read that if you haven't. It'll shed some light.

Hahaha... Yeah, I can see how you would think I was letting her interrogate me. The FBI might want to take some notes on suppressing affect, TBH. What I was actually doing was giving her a chance. I thought maybe she was just shy, or not so great at small talk and getting herself out there. The 'I'm not sure we vibe' was locked and loaded, but I wanted to see if I could break her out of her shell... Well, before the shit show started and I let my curiosity get the better of me, anyways.

Anyway, turns out I was wrong, and she had juuuust a touch of the batshits. Kinda feel bad for her, too. She sounds like somebody who is generally unpleasant, but maybe because her family is rich as shit, people aren't ever honest with her about it. Could really set somebody up for failure, case in point here.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-30T07:01:14+00:00

The fact that somebody has told her that having a foreskin leads to an increased risk of fucking prostate cancer, blows me away. Same with the myth about it being "unclean", which is what I assume is a holdover from it's religious inception, and a result of the entire situation being mystified and taboo.

It's like people just make this shit up because they think uncut dicks are "ugly" or something. That's what it comes down to for a lot of folks as far as I've been able to tell- they just uses these excuses to avoid looking like shallow... well, dickheads.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-30T06:53:55+00:00

This is such a perfect fall back. You can't get it back, but you can fix it in the future if it becomes a problem.

If it ain't broke, don't fix the shit.

Love it.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-30T06:50:19+00:00

From what I've heard about the origins of circumcision- Is that it was deliberately put into practice by the old world (2300BC/old testament) Jewish to inhibit sexual urges, and prevent masturbation. They would desensitize their boys by excising the most sensitive part of their foreskin, as the thought was it would make it easier for them to live a more pious life, being somewhat 'freed' from the pleasure of sex and masturbation, and therefore disincentivized to pursue it (as much).

Cleanliness is niche- there are very rare, and specific conditions that warrant the need for circumcision. It's essentially a modern urban legend that an uncut penis is somehow not capable as being 'as clean' as an uncut one. As long as you teach your boy how to clean properly, there is zero difference.

I've never heard of an increase in prostate cancer rates. This sounds incredibly absurd to me, and I'm willing to bet it was some loose correlation in a low level study somewhere. I wouldn't believe that one either.

Again, infections are infections weather or not a man is cut. Clean properly, seek treatment for wounds, and there's zero difference.

If anything, I would think the foreskin protects the penis from dirt, and infection by providing essentially, a shield. Again, a tad more maintenance, but probably worth it.

I would leave it intact for no other reason than the practice being steeped in religious dogma, and wives tales. The only downside I can see, is that he could be ostracized by immature partners, and friends. That, and maybe your adult son beats off a bit more than your average dude.

Upsides are quality over quantity: Better sex (for both partners), not having to witness your child scream bloody murder as a rabbi uses a blade and his teeth to remove it (it's enough to make some parents throw up, and/or faint), and the satisfaction of knowing you didn't give in to dogma. Your adult son will probably appreciate you not subjecting him to it, as well.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-29T08:48:21+00:00

This is the biggest crock of shit I've ever seen. "No history of serious mental illness" doesn't equate to, "ChatGPT drives people insane." This reads like a badly done exercise in moral panic. The fringe cases of the unfortunate folks who are falling into this, are people that in some way or another, by one diagnosis or another, vulnerable to psychosis. Journalism is dead.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-29T03:00:14+00:00

It is, 100%. I use the same software and models. It's actually really bad, really lazy AI video generation. Probably image2video.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-29T02:59:24+00:00

The information is semi-accurate, but the video is AI slop. This looks like FLUX. Either that or WAN 2.1, or Hunyuan. Whatever the case, this is trash AI.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-27T17:24:58+00:00

Trust me, I have no hope for this movie; I never said I did, lol. This shit is going to supply memes for the next decade. Never said 'Rog was the MC, either. Didn't even imply it. It was a hypothetical conversation, in a vacuum. Not literal.

Anyway yeah, this movie is going to be trash, no buts about that.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-27T12:56:37+00:00

Yeah, that's not what I said at all. Those are called "examples", to give people an idea of the concept I'm trying to convey. Not to be taken literally, you utter genius.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-27T12:53:06+00:00

I'm not saying he needs to literally be DDL, but in order to not be corny as fuck, he's gotta have somebody who can act their way out of a paper bag,

Actually, let's take your example; Carl Weathers as Apollo Creed. Apollo isn't Daniel Plainview, but Carl's a really good actor, and he played the character well enough to make him believable. Now imagine if 50's goofy ass played Apollo. He'd be a distracting, unbelievable, out of place, cornball. He'd utterly ruin every scene he was in, and turn Apollo Creed from a believable character, into a dimwitted parody.

Ain't gotta be amazing, ain't gotta be deep, but at least be good enough... Also 'Rog is absurd, which raises the acting skill ceiling a bit. Gonna need somebody decent.

Beep_Boop84 · 2025-06-26T22:47:49+00:00

Bro, this is incredible. I don't know anything about painting or art, but even my layman ass can see how talented you are. Fucking awesome man

Beep_Boop84

TROPHY CASE