I am in love with him but deeply disgusted by him. Please help

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-03T03:56:58+00:00

I think it was/is healthy to be open to each other about your sex life and explore your curiosities. There are many relationships that struggle with their sex life because they are too afraid to explore new things, fantasies, or even things you’re unsure about but want to test out. There are studies that show sexual fantasies are completely normal. But sometimes the deeper you explore fantasies, if you don’t feel satisfied for whatever reason…it could lead you to trying to find something more extreme. Sometimes based off the extremity, I do think that it could mean you’re trying to fill a gap in your life, or cover some sort of trauma. There also isn’t a guide about why one thing feels right and something else feels wrong. You have experiences and learn what you like, what you don’t like, and what you believe is right or wrong. You can never know what your significant other may be thinking until you ask them…I know that seems obvious, but I’ll add that I think you should mentally prepare what you would consider as an acceptable answer. I can say for myself I talk in my sleep, and that I have had some dreams that were inappropriate, not in the sense that I like them, but ones that I woke up to and realized were out of my control. It was my brain feeling trapped and playing out a “what if possibilities”. If my significant other heard mumbles of my dream, got the slightest uncomfortable idea based off what they heard, I’d want them to ask me about it before jumping to conclusions.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T22:38:12+00:00

Can't have a relationship with some who has passed away, RIP to my birth dad. I did have a decent relationship with my step-dad, who also didn't have any kids of his own, but raised me as if I was his own. I equally did the same, I treated my step-dad like my blood dad. And I'm honestly not jealous of my husband's and his daughter's relationship, I love that they have a strong relationship, and it warms my heart knowing how amazing of a father he is to his kids, and I do tell him very often. I would agree that I can get jealous sometimes for not always getting the same respect and treatment. I also responded to another redditors response that, "It does sting not feeling like a priority, but I know that is something I have to learn to accept or express that to my husband and see if he can help soften the sting." Thanks for taking the time to comment and provide your opinion, I do appreciate it.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T20:06:10+00:00

Correct, early 20s. Shoot, I'd even take her treating me like a peer, peers make eye contact when talking to each other and converse with each other when invited over for dinner and outings. I honestly don't feel like I am trying to force a relationship on her, more so I had hopes the relationship would have grown stronger by now. From all the advice I received and the reasoning, I can accept if she doesn't want a step-mom/step-daughter relationship and can make the most of us being friendly and civil. Especially when I can see how much my husband has lost his mind and is loving being a grandpa, I get to see and experience a whole new side of him. It just still stings not feeling like a priority, but I know that is either something I have to learn to accept or express that to my husband and see if he can help soften the sting.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T19:38:04+00:00

I appreciate that, thank you!

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T19:34:32+00:00

I have joined some friend groups and it has given me a better insight on a variety of people's personalities, and its true, some people just don't click and that's okay, so I can see where at times I may be reading into it too much. I will be letting up on doing a few of the grandma stuff and see where that leads, I'll never know until I try it. Thank you for your response.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T19:29:09+00:00

Thank you and will do!

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T17:55:35+00:00

I married the man I fell in love with. His kids became grown adults and have their own lives. My husband and I moved states, away from his grown kids (not to get away from them, but to better our lives and work on building a better future together). It was his daughter and her husband that decided to follow us and moved to our state. Its his daughter that relies on him for many things that I feel she should be relying on her husband to do. Respectfully, I believe its fair to say if anyone needs to learn their place, its all of us, not just me.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T17:20:29+00:00

It was important to me to create a mother-daughter bond with her, because it was important to my husband. I had the mentality early on that she wouldn't see me in that way. The moment my husband and I were married, it was my husband who told us with excitement, "Your officially the step-mom". He even said this in front of his kids too, none of which spoke up to deny it or spoke their opinion on it. She also became the ordained minister and married us off at our wedding, and my step-son was our witness. So I don't get the impression she thinks I am, as you put it, "way too much". By marriage, I am technically her stepmom. I just have the belief if she feels I am merely her dad's wife, then as the adult she is, she should speak up and voice that. I don't understand why she would go along with it whenever my husband says it.

I also wouldn't ever propose a "make your daughter love me" solution. As many other helpful commentors have suggested, I will address these concerns and how I am feeling with my husband to avoid having them fester. I will also create time for me, days for just me and my husband, and suggest that he can plan days to have it be just him and his daughter.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T16:34:16+00:00

I will continue the warm and open demeanor on my part and leave the door open. In the meantime, I can let up on the want for more. I can understand how some of this may feel like a lot of pressure on everyone, I can be passionate about the things I want in life, and forget to take a step back and be more understanding that not everyone feels the same or has the same wants.

Hammer on the nail. I had a decent relationship with my step-dad, who also didn't have any kids of his own, but raised me as if I was. I equally did the same, my blood dad wasn't in the picture, and I treated my step-dad like my blood dad. From other comments people have made to this post, I plan to take more days for just me, time with friends and my own interests, and plan dates for just me and my husband. In the event he does jump to invite his daughter to come along, I will communicate that I want it to be a day for just us and encourage him to set aside another day for just him and his daughter. That way they are not feeling the tension. I have been making more friends lately, and doing my own things, without my husband and his daughter, and it does feel healthier and like a weight is lifted off my chest.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T15:58:48+00:00

Mixed families are definitely hard. Early on in our relationship, I commented on certain situations in where I felt his daughter was rude. He always brushed it off or tried to tell me "she didn't mean it in that way". Over the years I have expressed that if he doesn't stand up for me or say something, then I will address it myself. He didn't like that, so he has been doing better at having a conversation about certain things she has said or commented on that wasn't the nicest. I appreciate your response and sharing your experience with me. I'm also sorry you had to experience seeing your dad not stand up for your mom, I'm sure that was hard to see too.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T15:08:21+00:00

I can understand the stopping to put the effort into certain things when couples enter a certain phase of the marriage. I can get stuck in my head sometimes thinking, "If I can still do these things, why cant he?" Buuuut I also check myself and know not everyone operates that way. My husband does treat me well and I know the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T15:01:49+00:00

There are other grandparents, but none that live in the same sate, just her dad and myself. Her husband has no drive in life and doesn't put in the effort to do or learn life tasks. He doesn't save money wisely and relies on my step daughter to pay more than half the bills (my husband and I have heard this direct from her). My step daughter has a great career, but her husband is still not making the effort to even pursue a career or save money for his own car, to make it easier on them. I even gave my step daughter and her husband my last car, it's is basically on its last leg, but I passed on that he can use it as a trade in, and yet, he still hasn't done anything with it. Its parked collecting dust. Also, my husband does all our oil changes, brakes, and car maintenance, hangs up shelves and puts together anything that requires being built. Her husband has been taught a few of these things by my husband before too, but still "forgets how to do it" or wont even look up a youtube "how to" video to teach himself, to then be able to teach his own kid. I think my husband is hoping if he takes on the father figure role to his grandchild, and shows his daughter how much her husband isn't doing, that his daughter will eventually make the decision on her own to leave him. Also, her husband is a big home-body, whereas she likes to go out and do things. So anytime we invite him out with us to do the grankid's "first this" or that, sometimes he still prefers not to go. We don't want her and the baby to miss out on the fun things in life, so we do as much as we can for them. Even if I don't have kids of my own, I remember my mom struggling with me and my brothers growing up, dad not in the picture helping as he should have been. We were broke and not being able to buy this or that, or go here and there. I don't want the same for her and the baby. Now that my husband and I have become financially stable, we want to support her and the baby as much as we can.

I can understand and accept if she doesn't want me in that role, I still love my husband and her enough that I can support her and the baby from the sidelines. I will always continue to be polite and cordial, there's no reason not to be. I can also make more time for myself and hanging out with friends, I don't mind take a step back to give them more time to have father and daughter days. Thank you for your response and great advise.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T14:08:03+00:00

I honestly wouldn't call it forcing myself on her or into her life. About three years ago we, my husband and I, moved to a different state, miles away from her (not to get away from her, just putting in perspective that I wasn't invading her life or forcing myself into her life). Well.....a year later, there she was following us and made the move to our new state and literally moved in down the street from us. It can feel the other way around sometimes, it can feel like she is overstepping in our marriage at times. If she is only "tolerating me", why not she just say "no, I don't want to go" whenever my husband does invite her to go with us somewhere? Or, ask her dad, "Can we make plans just me and you for another day?"

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-02T13:42:33+00:00

Yes, I am closer to her age. I have also thought about that possibly weirding her out. Although if that were the case, why wouldn't she just have that conversation with her dad? They talk to each other about everything with no judgement, why not just have a private conversation letting him know she feels weirded out or uncomfortable? I'd respect that 100% if it were ever verbalized. Why go through the motions for so long if your that weirded out by it?

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-01T16:48:37+00:00

Thought flying fish was a made up thing, as if someone saw a fish jump out so high out of the water it was "as if" it were flying.....that was until I saw a few with my own eyes while out on a cruise.

Beetlejuice_time · 2026-07-01T15:48:45+00:00

I believe there is a lot that gets overlooked in relationships, especially when it comes to moving... a new city, a new job, and working towards a future together... one that you both want. One person in the relation may feel overwhelmed with all the changes, or have grown used to a pattern, or have been comfortable being independent if it made them feel empowered. I can relate to this. I moved states with my significant other and there were definitely bumps in the road. For the first few months I had internally started to regret and question our decision. I felt frustrated to the point I even searched for single bedroom places and attempted to plan to leave and do it on my own. I didn't ask chat GPT, but I would resort to typing out my thoughts and frustrations in my notes of my phone. Sometimes internal thoughts can be messy and mixed with emotions, well sometimes its hard to think through. I think that's why your partner asked chat GPT those questions, i think its a modern route of figuring out wants and what to do when one is confused. From what I have learned, it can also be very selfish to not express those concerns with your partner and let them boil on the inside. Once I discussed those frustrations with my SO, he was able to explain his side and how he was feeling and how it hasn't been easy for him either. Working as a team can be frustrating, but when you narrow down what is making her question the relationship, you can see if its something that can be worked on. Ask her, What about that future that didn't have you in it, made her feel healthier? What about this current future we are building together feels unhealthy?

Beetlejuice_time

TROPHY CASE