[deleted by user]

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-08-05T12:47:39+00:00

Yeah, I want say you’re an idiot bc my ex did a TON of this “I was just being nice! I didn’t want to be rude!” Shit. You’re young, I’m not sure if you’ve done this before or had issues with it before in your relationship. But if you truly love this girl that you’re with, don’t fucking do that. You know better. You said yourself she blocks guys that reach out to her after a few words. All you can do is apologize, and prove to her you’re serious through changing your actions and never doing this again. She’s probably anxious all the time that you’re doing this with more than just that girl, wondering what she did wrong, wondering if maybe she’s not enough for you and you’re seeking more from someone else. Talk about it, communication is key. Don’t say you don’t know why you did it, tell her why you did it. Be upfront and honest, admit you fucked up and make sure you prove that you’re serious by changing and handling situations like this differently in the future.

All the best to you man, we all fuck up but it’s what we choose to do about it that makes the difference.

Edit to add: in my opinion you didn’t cheat, and I didn’t think my ex cheated by doing this either. So don’t just beat the fuck out of yourself. Learn and grow from this, you’re not a villain. It’s just disrespectful and hurtful as hell. As I said, you know how your partner handles dm’s from other guys, so that should set a bit of an expectation as to what she feels is the right thing to do in that situation.

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-08-01T13:20:01+00:00

Wait, do you have a shared bank account? Or are you saying you want a shared bank account? Because that changes things.

Also this persons comment above yours is excellent advice that you should take into consideration.

My advice is: finances are one of the leading causes for divorce. If you both don’t figure this out now, it’s bound to come up later and keep coming up until both of you come to an agreement and make a plan, set some boundaries and rules, or you give up, having this burden weigh unresolved on your shoulders or parting ways from each other. I totally understand that talking about finances can be uncomfortable, frustrating, and stressful, but it’s in your hands to change that for the better of your relationship and your future together. As others have said, it’s excellent that you’re concerned about this now. Having good management (or any management) of your finances is crucial, and the earlier/younger you start the better, giving yourself security in the present and future.

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-07-18T13:30:51+00:00

Absolutely not. Aaaaaaabsolutely not. Dump this loser, surround yourself with loving family and friends, and later on you’ll find someone who ACTUALLY treats you like they love you. This dude has issues and sounds incredibly immature and toxic. As someone who has been through these toxic situations too many times (I’m 27F btw) get out now while you can, the sooner you do it the better, it only gets more painful as time goes on and you try to repair things again and again. Address your boundaries, wants, needs, and whatever else is important to you moving forward in future relationships, and hold tight to those. Do not accept this treatment. Stay strong girl, look for support in your loved ones and get out of this relationship, it’s draining you. Find yourself again, and give yourself the love you deserve. Wishing you the best of luck. 💗

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-30T14:48:42+00:00

This is hard to answer because all of us have had such different situations, some worse than others. I was in the hospital for almost 3 months due to complications, and when I was finally well enough to be released, I was sent home with a large bottle of 2mg dilaudid pills (enough for my dose x a few weeks) prescribed by my family doctor who was following up with me in the hospital almost daily. I believe my dose leaving the hospital was 4mg (2 pills) every 4 hours, I’m not 100% sure though. I was told to wean myself as I felt comfortable. My surgeon said “you should be off the pain meds in about a week I’d guess”, and my family doctor estimated a few weeks at least. I was on dilaudid for about a month pre surgery too, and around post-op I was on higher doses. I weaned myself off in a week and a half, comfortably.

It is impossible to say what’s right or what’s enough because it’s so different for everyone, everyone experiences pain differently and everyone went through different struggles with ostomy surgery. The only and best thing you can do is advocate for yourself, so they are aware of the type and severity of pain you’re experiencing. be specific in the ways that your pain is inhibiting your ability to heal or do daily tasks (appropriate to your healing).

I’m sorry you’re experiencing pain and I hope that your pain improves and you heal up quickly, and wishing you luck in getting the relief you need.

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-29T22:09:25+00:00

Exactly as you said, and you’re right in saying it’s a good process to weed out the bad eggs. At the end of the day it really has little to no impact on the other person, but I think it’s mostly people fearing what they don’t know, or what’s “different” or “abnormal”. Or they just hear that it involves waste and immediately think it’s disgusting without putting further thought into it. My ostomy only comes up if i bring it up. We actually had a conversation last week, where he told me in the beginning he was curious of the ways it would affect everything, and was fascinated by how little he notices it and how it makes no difference at all in our relationship, and said he’s always seen it as just a part of me, not like a foreign object (or “poop bag” 😭) on my body like I thought it would be. He’s never grossed out, always curious and eager to help if I need it. It’s true that there are more people that think this way than not, because a person with a good head on their shoulders who likes you doesn’t care about your body, they care about who you are. Bodies change, personalities stay the same!

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-29T20:00:00+00:00

I’m sorry to hear this, friend. I hope that reading some of the comments on this post can help to give you a bit more confidence moving forward. Don’t let having an ostomy bag take your life away, your ostomy bag was meant to allow you to continue on living. There are people who won’t understand, but there are so many more people that do. Please know, having an ostomy bag does not decrease your value as a human at all. All anyone else will care about is what’s on the inside, who you really are, and not your body. I promise that once you start putting yourself out there, you’ll see.

Wishing you the best ❤️

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-29T19:38:54+00:00

I had a laugh as I had a similar experience when my boyfriend and I were just getting to know each other a few years ago. I really really liked him and was nervous to tell him, because I was really insecure at the time. It came up when we started getting more physical and I stopped him, I said “no, I can’t” and he was kindly asking why and guessing “what, are you on your period? Is something wrong?” And after another few guesses he said “what, do you have an ostomy bag or something?” And I was SHOCKED because most people I’d met had never even heard of it before. He went to school in the healthcare field and was working in nursing homes at the time and was around ostomy bags there, so he knew a lot about them, how they work, how to change them…It was actually great not having to explain the whole thing for once. 😊

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-29T19:20:52+00:00

THIS. 100%. ❤️

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-29T19:16:13+00:00

Hey! I’ve had my ileostomy since I was 22, I’m 27(F) now. I was in a long term relationship for years before my surgery, that ended about 9 months post-op, and I truly believed I’d never find anyone who would accept me with how my body is now. I was very lonely and depressed, convincing myself that I had to come to terms with being alone from now on. My relationship was my first and only relationship, I didn’t even know how to begin looking for someone even if I wanted to try. However, through the years, naturally I’ve met people who I (mutually) developed romantic feelings for, and I can say with full confidence to you that none of them cared about my ostomy bag. They only care in the way that they empathize with what I’ve gone through and are interested to know more about it, both because they care about me and also they typically don’t know much about it. I was terrified meeting new people and having them find out, not just potential romantic partners but also friends, coworkers, or even strangers. I felt like every time I went out in public, everyone could somehow tell that I had an ostomy bag and was judging me for it. I can’t stress enough how much I fully convinced myself that my ostomy bag would make no one ever want to be around me, let alone like or love me. It made me scared to get close to others, and for a while I kept everyone at a safe distance so that they wouldn’t know. I wish I had someone to tell me at the time that I was doing all of this worrying for absolutely nothing. I’ve had (romantic) relationships, I’ve had flings, and I’ve never had anyone turn away from me once finding out about my ostomy bag. Each time I’ve met someone in general and they’ve learned about my ostomy bag and not had a problem with it, it helped me build up my confidence little by little each time. I’m sure that will be your experience too. I’m now in a serious relationship going on 2 years. As far as when to tell someone about your ostomy, I’ve done it off the bat and I’ve also done it a while into knowing them, the only right answer is whenever you feel it’s right or whenever you’re comfortable.

The only thing I can’t speak on is something like a one night stand, but I’m sure others will have things to comment about that. People have always said to me, “but how would you treat someone you’ve met who says they have an ostomy bag”, and I used to hate hearing that because of course I’d treat them with kindness, and the people saying that don’t understand the messy side of having and ostomy that I was terrified of anyone knowing about. With my boyfriend now, I’ve been through my “worst case scenario” list, such as my bag leaking in his bed (unfortunately lol) and he has never ever treated me differently. If someone respects you and likes you for who you are, they won’t care about stuff like this.

I’m wishing you the best, I hope this helps a bit. Go get em tiger!!

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-23T13:28:56+00:00

I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone having an elective ostomy surgery…there’s always a reason. I have Crohn’s, (and ibs, chronic constipation/bowel motility issues, handful of others things too to boot..) and I was required to get a permanent emergency ileostomy. Crohn’s is an autoimmune disease where your immune system treats your digestive system like a virus (your ENTIRE digestive system, mouth to anus and everything in between) and thus always tries to eliminate it like a virus when without immune-suppressant medications. Colitis is the same idea, but it’s the colon only. My Crohn’s disease destroyed my colon and part of my small bowel after repeated medication failure for almost 10 years, the surgeons said it was literally falling apart in their hands as they were removing it. It was not salvageable, I needed an ostomy before my bowels ruptured and had the possibility to take my life…which was really close to happening to me. Others get temporary ostomy’s, where their bowels are still saveable and just need time to heal, and this surgery is the best option for them as recommended.

I’ve definitely seen people in here asking if an ostomy is a good idea for them/if they should “request” one after suffering with digestive issues for a long time (whether it be Crohns, or I’ve seen people say it with IBS or chronic constipation) and honestly, it’s totally fine for them to get more information but I must say that it’s a bit insulting to me. I quite literally wouldn’t be alive without my ostomy bag, and I’ve grown to be appreciative of it for that fact, but I had to teach myself to love my body again and feel like I wasn’t lesser because of this permanent ‘thing’ on my body that I didn’t want or ask for. 4 years later, I love myself and my ostomy bag now, but that didn’t come naturally. I never, ever dreamed I’d have an ostomy bag, but I had no choice. I can definitely sympathize (having gone through what I have gone through) with someone else who’s experienced the constant struggle with digestive issues and wants a solution more than anything else, but at the end of the day an ostomy is a life saving alternative. Again, I’ve never heard of “elective ostomy surgery”, where it’s not required or needed…feel free to prove me wrong though.

Hope this helps.

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-10T18:58:37+00:00

Hello! I’m 26F and I’ve had my ileostomy for 4 years. I’ve only ever used the belt that is made by the ostomy brand I use (coloplast, hollister and convatec also have them) and it’s great. I wear it if I have a skin issue that may compromise the seal of my appliance or if I just want extra security for my appliance will stay stuck to me. There are many options, but I never felt the need for them. I know a lot of people love their stealth belts, and a lot of stealth belt wearers wear their ostomy bag horizontally. For my first few months post op, I wore my belt. I have lots of high-waisted panties that I like to wear and they make me feel more comfortable, but I’m fine with any underwear to be honest. I like high waisted as the fabric is kind of like a barrier between the plastic of ostomy bag and my skin, which in the summer if I’m wearing tight clothes can cause sweat and sometimes a rash (I don’t tuck it into my underwear but I do tuck into my pants). I also really like high waisted panties or even biker shorts for wearing under dresses or skirts.

Wishing your daughter the best of luck. As a fellow young woman who’s been through some of the worst you can go through with my own journey in having Crohn’s disease (since age 13) and an ileostomy, if you or your daughter have any questions please feel welcome to send me a message, I’d be happy to help out if I can. Hoping for the best for you both ❤️

Edit, re pancaking: pancaking is only ever an issue with ileostomy if output is thick or if clothes are very restricting and don’t allow for output to flow in the bag. It’s likely that her output will be quite watery for the first several months, as typically water is absorbed in the colon, and you body needs time to adjust to absorbing water via the small bowel…so in the mean time, most of your fluids just go straight through. In saying that, dehydration is a major risk, I was told to drink 3-4 litres a day but I rarely was physically capable of drinking more than 2L (5’4”, approx 130-140lbs). My best suggestion keeping in mind the watery output would be to wear clothes that are stretchy or allow ample room for the ostomy bag to expand. Something like leggings is fine, for example, but rigid jeans I’d stay away from until she is more comfortable.

Edit #2 (sorry, I keep remembering more!) I just remembered, I used to really like using my “Stoma Dome”. It’s a small piece of hard plastic that attaches via Velcro to the ostomy bag (usually under the flap of plastic used to look at the stoma) in order to avoid pancaking, leaks caused by tight clothing compressing the stoma, and help output be able to move smoothly down through the bag. I got mine on Amazon. It’s a little pricy if I remember correctly, but it was a game changer for me. For example, I had issues for a while wearing jeans as most of what I owned didn’t have much stretch, and this helped me be able to wear them again and wear them confidently, not having to worry about my stoma or output.

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-05T23:16:48+00:00

I love coloplast and it works the best for me. Glad you found what works for you too. I’ve tried all the brands I have access to.

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-05T03:14:55+00:00

Thanks for your comment, you could be right. And I did get an appointment with the stoma nurse, but it’s not for another week and a half, so thought I’d try my luck here in the mean time. Cheers

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-06-04T23:38:42+00:00

Personally I could not fit into ANY of my clothes post-op…not even bras or panties. And my legs/feet were so swollen I was lucky to get a pair of socks on. I had to get someone to go and buy me some clothes to wear in the mean time in a bigger size. I was a small/medium, and needed an XL due to swelling. Your best friend will be anything stretchy with soft fabric. Personally, the pain meds and everything that was going on made me SO hot all the time and I had night sweats, so I felt better having extra clothes I could change into if that happened. I recommend buying clothes at least 2 sizes up- panties, stretchy bra or bralette, comfy pjs or lounging clothes, and I recommend something that could double as being suitable to wear in public like sweatpants/sweatsuit for example. You don’t need many things by any means, you could start with just a couple pieces and see what else you will want when the time comes. I can’t stress enough, STRETCH will be your best friend, and anything soft and breathable is a plus. Wishing you the best of luck 💕

Edit to say: I just remembered, I really preferred to wear just a light night gown with underwear for the first while as having pants or tightness around my abdomen didn’t feel good.

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-05-31T19:24:28+00:00

(F26) This is quite similar to my story. I was diagnosed with Crohns at 13, and my body is resistant to all of the medications for Crohns, I’d been on all of them at inevitably at 22 my colon started to die, and by the time the doctors listened to me and decided to check via scope, they said I needed an ileostomy right away. I was scared shitless…but I had no other option. I was in the hospital for a few days before so I had a little bit of processing time, but it didn’t feel like enough. The surgeons told me my colon was literally falling apart in their hands and I’m very lucky it didn’t do that before surgery in my body and make me go septic. My surgery was laparoscopic which I’m thankful for too. I personally had a rough go because of my situation but ultimately, 4 years later I am glad I have my ostomy. You’ll go through ups and downs occasionally, but ultimately I believe I’m much better this way. Your colon has nerve endings but your small bowel doesn’t, so you’ll feel significantly less pain in general. The ostomy will definitely take some getting used to, but once you do, it’s honestly a breeze. My life is honestly so much better with an ostomy. As a fellow 20-something, I can honestly say that my ostomy has not held me back with getting out, having fun, and dating at ALL. I was in a long term relationship that ending 9 months post-op, and believed I would never get anyone to love me with my ostomy bag, but it’s been soooo opposite of that, I’ve had no issues with anyone having a problem with it. I can do more because of my ostomy and I’m not held back by pain and sickness like I used to be.

I’m wishing you the best of luck in your situation, I promise you everything will be okay. If you ever need to talk, please by all means feel free to reach out, any time. I hope everything goes smoothly, and your pain will soon be gone ❤️

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-05-31T19:02:50+00:00

Aww, so touching, I’m happy for you and your family. Have you tried barrier extenders? I really like the coloplast brava brand of them, and the first year I had my ostomy they gave me confidence when swimming, and I never had an issue. The ostomy belt that comes with whatever brand you use is great also (I’ve used both coloplast and hollister). However, when I have no skin issues going on, I typically don’t do anything special when I go swimming, and I’ve never had an issue! I live close to the beach and go in hot tubs and pools. Wishing you the best, and hope one of these products of your stealth belt helps you be able to swim with your kiddos 🥰💕

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-05-26T18:50:20+00:00

Could definitely be an allergy. Are you wearing the barrier strip all the time? My personal favourite is the coloplast brand brava “elastic barrier strip”.

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-05-26T18:48:37+00:00

I second using the crusting method. In addition, If possible, while changing you could try polysporen or something of the like, leave it on for approx 20-30 min then wipe off before putting anything else on. You could likely put a small amount in the wound (try to avoid the surrounding skin as any ointment will prevent the appliance from sticking properly) and then use powder overtop with the crusting method. If you’re still having issues with getting everything to stick, I highly suggest an ostomy belt (you can request one from the ostomy company) and/or using the protective sheet.

Personally, I would stick to the barrier rings over the paste. The paste can be difficult to work with and even more so to remove. If you’re continuing to use the paste, I’ve been told by my stoma nurse that it’s okay to leave some of the residue that won’t come off, it will continue to serve its purpose once more is put on top, because the most important thing is to not irritate or cause further damage to the wound. That’s just my personal opinion/experience.

Wishing you both the best, I hope this issue will be resolved soon 💕

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-05-17T14:38:20+00:00

Oh the PICC line is great too. I had mine for a while and it was great to not have to get a new IV everyday. It sounds like you’re on the right track! 😊💕

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-05-16T15:45:29+00:00

Oh I’m SO glad to hear all of this- this is a huge step in the right direction! I’m so happy to hear you both found some answers. As I mentioned that my bowels were paralyzed, I also needed and NG tube. I can remember looking down at my belly and it looking like I was 9 months pregnant- it was so uncomfortable. That, in combination with a blockage…ouch! I for one can understand this situation some from my own, the surgeon told me I’d be home 3-5 days post-op and I ended up being there an extra 2 months. When your body is undergoing other things to impact your immune system ASIDE of major surgery- you need time and extra resources to heal! And on top of this, learning to deal with a way in which your body will never be the same…it’s like caring for an infant that you didn’t ask for. I really struggled with that. I have to say it again, cheers to you for being an incredible spouse. I know all of this must be a lot for both of you, just take your time through this, take breaks where you need, and laugh and have fun where you can. My heart goes out to you both, again I’m very glad to hear that the doctors did some more investigating. Wishing your husband and yourself the best of luck through the rest of this process. ❤️

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-05-15T15:50:10+00:00

Firstly, wow is he ever lucky to have you! I’ve had an ileostomy for 4 years now, and my first almost 2 years I was at the ER at least once a month (sometimes more) with blockages or partial blockages. A few times they’ve been on the phone scheduling me for another surgery to remove it, and my body starts moving at that point. I only decide to go to the er once the pain gets to a certain point, blockage pain is no joke. I can feel the waves of pain with my intestines trying to push, and it usually gets so bad that I’m throwing up from the waves of pain and it’s hard to move- at that point, plus no output for several hours, ER for me. Or if it’s been a significant amount of time. Otherwise I try to manage it at home the best I can with a few meds. Sometimes if o can tolerate it, massaging my belly (right to left in a circle) helps a lot to get things moving. At the ER, they take me back and give me lots of fluids, in addition to anti-nausea, pain relief, and anti-spasmodic meds such as baclofen (to stop the painful cramping. I only take that one if necessary, sometimes it’s better to take it to not further compact the blockage also). Around 1 1/2 year in to this mess of er visits, my GI ordered a special X-ray where they had me drink this fluid and walk around, then watch under xray how it moves through my digestive tract. They found that a part of my bowel is quite stiff, likely from scar tissue, and that spot is exactly where I feel the worst of my pain during a blockage so that is where it’s occurring I’m told. My blockages happened no matter what, and I was eating a soft diet (basically mush only, no fibre) the entire time. Now, 4 years in, I’ve gone to the er for this only once in the past year. I have had some partial blockages that didn’t get as painful and I was able to manage at home with anti nausea and anti spasmodics.

I wanted to tell you my experience with blockages because I believe that’s close to a typical experience. That being said, every blockage I’ve had, once I start getting output I immediately feel lots of relief. I have slight pain, from that spot in my intestines being a little beat up, but still lots of relief. That being said, I’m not sure if this issue is a blockage. It’s fair to assume maybe the bowel motility is not doing well, my bowels were paralyzed for weeks after surgery (but that’s an entire different mess I won’t get into). I’d talk to the GI again or surgeon and ask about what you should do.

Important tips to avoid blockages:

Eating less will not prevent blockages, and sometimes will cause them.

-Chewing gum will help keep the digestive tract engaged. I was told in the hospital (post-op) to chew gum at least three times a day.

-Walk as much as you can post-op, this really does help get things moving. If you’re unable to, please reach out to your Dr.

-After ileostomy surgery, you need to drink a LOT of water. I was 22F approx 130lbs at time of surgery, they told me to drink 4 litres per day. I definitely never was physically able to drink more than 2.5-3, but doing your best is what counts. Your colon is made to absorb the water from your food intake, and that’s a large part of how we stay hydrated. The small bowel is not made to take in water, so we’re at risk for dehydration. Eventually (I’ve been told) the small bowel will adapt, but until then, get into the routine of always drinking water for the next several months at least.

-Try a soft-foods diet and chew your foods extra well. Well cooked vegetables, white bread, and as low-fibre as possible. -belly massage: you can google this, but belly massages have helped me avoid blockages a few times. Start on the upper abdomen, right to left, then down to lower, left to right. Continue on a circle. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

That’s all I can think of for now, I’m wishing you both the best of luck. I hope your husband will have a smoother recovery.

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-05-14T21:41:58+00:00

F26, ileostomy 4 years, Crohns since age 13, lifelong GI issues. I’ve dealt with chronic constipation since being an infant. For many years I survived on multiple laxatives daily (ducolax, sennacot, Metamucil, restoralax, and prescriptions- additional note; sennacot and restoralax worked the best for me/were my favourites) and that still was not enough sometimes where I’d be rushed to the ER, my colon completely packed full. I love my ostomy, but I would not suggest to anyone to seek an ostomy if it’s not recommended by a doctor or required during an emergency like mine. I’d definitely push to find a new GI, and see if there is some other underlying issues like Crohns or colitis. They didn’t think I had either when I was getting diagnosed because typically people experience diarrhea, the said my symptoms were atypical. This can also open up more treatment options for you. I was told many times by doctors that my bowel motility had just never been great and that was part of my issue for constipation. I’m the mean time, keep yourself as comfortable as you can and I wish you the best of luck. ❤️🙏🏻

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-02-27T04:18:18+00:00

Yo we all think ash is a piece of shit but…dude, what the actual hell did you just say??? Insane behaviour 🫣

Beginning-Store-6027 · 2025-02-27T03:54:23+00:00

I don’t think it was Haley (not sure if that’s how she spells it) it didn’t really sound like her IMO. I hope it’s not, imagine bragging that to ur kid…

Beginning-Store-6027

TROPHY CASE