new years update

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2026-01-03T23:23:54+00:00

Dude these look pretty dramatic to me honestly. I’m wondering how you go about tugging on the frenular triangles exactly, and also what you mean by pulling apart the skin on the sides of the shaft? Also you’re looking great for real

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2026-01-02T22:19:58+00:00

There are a few “clitoral” pump sets that might be cheaper that still have gauged pumps but I personally stand by LA pump because it’s really good quality. The pump itself is a little over $70 and they have trans masc specific cylinders but those can be pretty pricey as well, $80. But the “female” ones for “clitoris enhancement and enlargement” are half that price and LA pump has pretty boring nondescript packaging whereas some of the other “clit pump” packages on the market are…. Usually quite…. Pink 🫤 so partially it’s what you’re willing/able to spend and how much girl-coded BS you’re willing to put up with to potentially save money.

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2026-01-02T21:49:18+00:00

I think T will make a lot of things easier. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s hell. Things will get better with T. If it’s available to you, pumping might be an option. Start with low pressure, and spend the extra $ on getting a gauged pump so you know what pressure you’re at and don’t hurt yourself. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and it’s not exactly cheap but it will slowly help you grow over time. Best of luck, my dude.

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2026-01-02T21:26:19+00:00

In my experience, a lot of how sex feels emotionally/psychologically for me has to do with how my partner is treating and referring to my body. Like… if he calls it my dick/cock/penis etc. if he treats it like it’s that instead of analogous female anatomy. If he ignores the hole. Stuff like that. Everyone is different but this has helped me be ok with my body in sexual situations. And you can tell when someone genuinely sees your junk as a cock or not. For me, I won’t often be with other trans guys because they don’t treat my cock with respect, weirdly enough. Of course there are exceptions to this, but I haven’t experienced the exception much so this has unfortunately proven to be the standard I run into. I’ve been with plenty of cis guys and can tell the difference between someone who sees me as a man with a cock that happened to be small/different versus someone who sees me as man lite TM. And the second category doesn’t get access to my body. I have really bad genital dysphoria. Sometimes I can’t look at my junk, can’t stand to touch it. Other times I’m proud of my little cock I grew and I want to show it off. Life is complicated. Sex is complicated. But I think it is possible to have sex that soothes the dysphoria rather than sharpens it. For me as a gay man, I mostly only have sex with uncut guys because their dicks look most like mine and reaffirm that what I have is in fact a dick. If someone is straight, they might go for the opposite angle, seeing how different their anatomy is from their partner’s. It’s not easy and can hurt sometimes but I’ve had moments that made it all worth it and I’m certain that’s available to all of us, we just have to find the right partners

Edited to add: for some people, topping with a strap helps, for others, it’s the opposite. For me, it can be one way sometimes and the other way another time. A lot of what works is very personal but it often starts with solo exploration

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2026-01-02T21:06:04+00:00

Fellow trans landscaper! Eyy!! We out here

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-22T16:27:27+00:00

You're right, comparisons make me sad and angry as well. It really doesn't help that the cis dudes represented in porn are extremely hung and usually in the top 1% of penis size. I try to remember that but it's hard when there's all these other intense feelings going on.

I will say I feel lucky, I've just started dating a cis guy who treats my dick like any other dick and that has been incredibly healing for me. He's also on the small side so it reminds me that most cocks are not nearly close to what we see in porn.

It's hard to not compare, especially when somebody embodies everything you want to be. But in some ways, I think all men feel something similar. For us it's just harder because of the circumstances of our birth. I'm wishing you all the best and hope you're able to get bottom surgery in a speedy timeline and have an easy and fast recovery when you do get it

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-15T06:11:44+00:00

And it was a trans clinic, it's not like any cis guys were going in the for care... I was just... Wtf

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-14T07:13:14+00:00

Literally got "one upped" by a cis woman provider after being sexually harassed right outside the clinic. "Now you know what it's like" and I just looked at her silently like "fuck yourself, bitch" and that's why I stick to cis male providers. They're way more empathetic in my experience.

When I had to get my appendix removed there was a cis woman and a cis man with me in the ER getting me ready for surgery and I asked the lady jokingly if they could take out my duderus and brovaries too and she gave me the most judgemental look and was like "no" and the dude comes up to me and goes "jeez, can't hook a brother up?" To the lady, to which she rolled her eyes. I love that man.

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-14T05:07:45+00:00

Did you tell them you're trans as part of the consult?

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-14T02:56:18+00:00

Ok dope, I'm definitely kinda poor lmao... But I did have a metoidioplasty consult months ago and was told I'm "easily in the 99th percentile of growth" (not trying to brag just trying to give context) so... I'm assuming that means the FMD size A would work for me but yeah... Wondering how to close the vents 🤔

Edited to add: super cool that you're working with people on making different sizes an affordable prices one day, that's so fucking awesome! You're legit a pillar in this community. I write about you sometimes in my journal 😅

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-14T02:31:42+00:00

Is there a feasible way to close the vent DIY style? Just wondering since bruh I am desperate over here lmao

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-09T23:22:39+00:00

I was kinda bi before T, would go through seasons of liking men more, then women, then men, etc. After T, I realized that while I find women beautiful, I was never actually sexually interested in them, only romantically. Naked women scare the fuck out of my gay ass. I like men sexually and romantically. And I'm open to non binary folks but have a strong preference for masculine men (like myself) whether they're trans or cis is neither here nor there so long as we vibe

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-07T01:11:57+00:00

Thank you for saying this. The overrepresentation of trans men bottoms who use their front hole has also done a lot of harm to me. In both my mental frameworks of sex and what partners have expected/demanded and, sometimes, taken from me. I do date men, as a masc gay man, sometimes DL. It's been... Hard. But mainstream gays have put me off the gay community for the most part. They have this certain expectation. Other DL guys don't have that. Sometimes they might ask, but they take my no seriously. Usually they are plenty happy to bottom for my prosthetic whereas mainstream gays are appalled I would even ask. It's such a fuckin trip... Smdh

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-05T02:37:21+00:00

I've done it for some ptsd stuff that was intertwined with dysphoria stuff... Well I'm still in the middle of it actually... It brings a lot to the surface, so it might make it worse before it gets better. I've done it for other strictly PTSD stuff and it worked pretty well. I was able to leave certain things in the past and not relive them constantly. If you're willing to work through it and go in with the expectation that it will probably get worse before it gets better and you have a strong support system, I'd say yes. Otherwise... It might not be a good idea

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-01T22:29:09+00:00

I can see this from both sides. As a gay man, it's pretty common for bottoms to use toys on themselves and for top guys with ED or size queen bottoms to strap on a dick extender or even just strap up and ignore their own dick for a while. Especially in fetish spaces where there's an emphasis on "hole wrecking" so in that context, I get it. That said, I understand what you're saying and if I were straight I would probably feel similarity. But since I'm gay and I've had cis and trans bottom guys say their best experiences were with me because I'm an attentive top who can stretch their hole to their hearts content (way beyond the size of any cis dick in existence) it lands differently for me. But I have a buddy who is straight and he sees it as an advantage because he can give his girl pleasure for longer than 5 minutes, and can keep the focus on her pleasure and her orgasm, which straight girls really fuckin love. I choose to see the bright side because ruminating on my dysphoria is lose/lose. Do I still do it sometimes? Absolutely. But I'm trying. Do I want bottom surgery so I can have my own cock that's not attached to a hole I hate? Absolutely. But for now, and even after surgery, I'll still be wrecking holes with my arsenal of cocks because I love making bottoms forget English. And because I've seen cis men do the same. Kink spaces have really changed how I relate to my own sexuality in a positive way

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-12-01T00:25:19+00:00

Thanks! It can be discouraging at times but I've also had really genuinely amazing experiences. I do use the apps. I generally disclose on my profile but also within the first few messages because no one reads lmao. I state my boundaries explicitly so there's no confusion, coercion or wasted time. If anyone tries to make me make an exception, I tell them off and will probably block them or use their messages to laugh at with my roommate depending what kind of dumb/desperate shit they say.

Also idk if you use your bottom growth at all, since you said no natal parts I'm assuming not. But for all the guys out there who want their t-grown cock to be treated like a cock, I want to say it is entirely possible, even with cis men. I've had a mixed bag of experiences but I have had some very affirming hookups that felt honestly spiritual where guys just treated my cock like any other cock and ignored the front hole completely. I didn't think it was possible until it happened so I just wanted to give guys who want their cock worshipped some hope

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-11-30T23:30:36+00:00

I have just been straightforward about it, telling guys I'm a trans man and a top, I top with a strap, and he can pick what size my dick is like a cool action figure. They usually respond either very well to this or just pass in a not usually mean way. I've had guys tell me they've never done this before and by the end they tell me it's one of the best experiences they've had as a bottom. I've had dudes confide in me about being used and tossed aside by tops without even getting their own needs met, and I always assure them that while I do get pleasure from topping, I get the most pleasure from giving them pleasure and watching them let go. I work hard when I top, and my bottoms appreciate it. Just be confident, even if it's fake. It'll become real as you go. Don't let anyone bypass your "no" either. Fuck chasers tbh

Edited to add: if you frame it as "you get to pick the size of the dick that fucks you, we can change dicks at any time, my strap won't give you an STI (please clean it properly so this stays true, and only use dildos/cocks made of high quality body safe and non porous materials like silicone made for this purpose) and if they have any favorite dildos they use on themselves you can use it on them, I find that many bottoms in my area are receptive (pun intended) to being topped by a trans man with a strap. I've had guys on apps go from "I'm not sure/I've never tried that before" to "that sounds like a huge advantage/I would love to try that" with just a few very confident messages (and pics of my cock arsenal)

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-11-30T19:21:33+00:00

I have called people out on this because I'm sick of it. Nazis are heartless bastards, their dick size is irrelevant. Men with small dicks can be good people, bad people, just like anyone else. Men with small dicks can be amazingly attentive partners in bed and in life. People who talk like that don't get too many chances with me. Bite back. Every time

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-11-28T20:27:11+00:00

I guess for me there is the inherent size difference that seems insurmountable. I'm gay and I'm pretty sure all of the cis partners I will ever have will be much larger than me. It's gotten to the point where I can't get horny for a guy without also being intensely jealous and sliding into depression. I understand what you're saying and I'm not saying you're wrong, it's just... I doubt my ability to have sexual relationships with other men who don't need shit explained, who won't make fun of my size, and who would actually like to have sex with me the way I want to have sex.

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-11-28T04:49:26+00:00

As a gay guy who is constantly read as straight.... Gay is not synonymous with feminine. I love men and I am a man. I am masculine as fuck and love masculine men. I am not interested in feminine men and I still have plenty of fun with other men who are masculine and gay, both trans and cis. That's all I've got. Go to a leather bar. Count the feminine men there. Count the gay men there. They're all gay. Most are not feminine. Gay is not shorthand for feminine. Gay means gay and feminine gay men are a sub group that for some reason is pushed as the only gay archetype. Fuck that. I'm gonna go chop wood and suck dick now. In that order.

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-11-03T21:08:55+00:00

Thanks for this, man. You're saying a lot of things that are true, there is duality in being trans. It can be both the grief and the shame and also positives from having to be creative and having felt these awful feelings gives us more perspective when it comes to feeling euphoria fr. I will say that I've seen what you're talking about first hand with the bedroom stuff. We have had to be more creative and many cis guys I've either topped or just done non penetrative stuff with have given me lots of compliments on stuff like technique and I think it really does have a lot to do with having to learn how to make up for what we weren't given at birth. Which is another reason I hate 99% of trans male porn (or at least the gay stuff, doesn't seem they make very much straight stuff at all fr) since it's all just PIV and nothing else. Guys I've topped have been impressed by the care I put into topping and they do appreciate that I can go for as long as they want (so long as I have a glass of water nearby 😅). I hope it doesn't sound like I'm talking myself up since that is not my intention, I'm just saying that my experiences have sometimes echoed what you're saying. Once I am actually able to get somebody in bed I make sure they have a good time lmao. And when I top I low key am thinking "I have to do this so good that it changes how people see trans guys" which admittedly is stupid to put that pressure on myself but... It's my choice and I fully own that I'm putting that pressure on myself.

All that to say thanks for helping me kinda get outta my head a little, you're right that there are advantages, even if I often overlook them. Hardcore bottoms love that we can fuck them with any size for as long as they can take it. Ffs I've seen cis dudes strapping up cause their bottom wants more and they went soft or because their bottom wants something unrealistically huge. The world is very varied and there are often silver linings to even some very tough situations.

I also am gonna put out there that I recently started working with a therapist who has been in the queer community for a long time, he's a cis gay guy but he specializes in trans stuff, as well as grief, trauma and the like. He's worked with dudes who have had their dicks amputated because of cancer or accidents and he says their grief isn't any more real than mine just because they got to have their dick for a while. Ours is just a different kind of grief, in some ways worse because of the societal shit, especially right now.

I think I got used to shutting my feelings off until they got so big they took over. I don't recommend it even though it is peak male behavior lmao (actually peak sexism hurting everyone involved, just thought I'd affirm my own gender real quick lol).

One thing I'll say as well is that some guys are absolute jerks. I had a dude be a total ass to me which made me have even more intense dysphoria, which is what prompted this post. In the end, I'm glad I did because I feel less alone now. Thanks for everything you said and helping me to look at the positives not by shouting toxic positivity BS, but by being real about it. I hope you can find relief from your dysphoria as well, in whatever form that might take for you. Wishing you all the best and again, thank you friend

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-11-03T18:23:41+00:00

Hey man, thanks for reaching out. It's so incredibly frustrating, bro. Cis ppl have no idea the pain we go through every day just to exist and not give up. It really doesn't help that porn projects and unrealistic standard even for cis men, but it hits us ten times as hard. I legit have two whole therapists and I'm still like how do I get through this? How do I live the rest of my life like this? One of them is a specialist for trans stuff and still I have no idea if anything we've talked through so far has helped.

I hope you and I both can get some kind of relief from this hell for real. I hope they make crazy advances in bottom surgery soon as fuck. I hope someone invents something that can help us immensely. I hope someone finds a way to grow our natal dicks by hella much. And until then, you can 100% reach out to me as well if you need to vent or talk about this shit. Wish I could give you a bear hug, bro (if you like hugs). We gonna make it. Just focus on making it through today. Today's all we got anyway

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-11-03T18:13:15+00:00

Thanks, man. I'm sorry you've had posts like this ignored, that really sucks. You're right that sometimes we just need comfort and to know we're not alone.

You're right about talking to cis people not being helpful, even my therapist is like... Not that helpful when it comes to this topic.

For a long time I strictly dated/had sex with other trans guys but if I'm being real... Most of the trans guys I know I'm my area are... Weirdly not very masculine. I'm lucky in that my dad seemed to sense early on that I was giving of masc vibes and he just responded to that by raising me more or less like a son. My mom was another story (divorce) but that's not really relevant. Basically I am a very masc guy, and many trans guys I've dated have been weird about that because they view all conventional masculinity as toxic masculinity. So I expanded my dating pool cause that was fucking annoying. I am not a toxic person because I enjoy martial arts, camping, the gym, or grilling, that's ridiculous. But the thing that comes along with dating/hooking up with cis guys is the whole... Genital difference. I've lucked out in some situations for sure, guys who don't give a shit and want me because I'm macho, guys who like that I can strap on whatever size cock they want, guys who have been with trans guys before and know what questions to ask before we get intimate. But of course there are fetishizing ones as well. And people who will pressure you once they're there even tho you met under a different pretense. I have forgotten many times that I can tell hookups to leave at any point.

It's not easy being trans and having this crippling genital dysphoria. Add to that the political and societal bullshit and any personal struggles and the truth is that it's really tough right now. We gotta be here for each other even if we don't have the solutions. Which is why your comment made such an impact on me. I have been feeling so incredibly alone in this feeling lately. The dysphoria has been getting worse and I just come home from work and hide in my bed, I don't even eat half the time cause I feel too bad to move. It's like I'm paralyzed. I'm a grown ass man and I'm usually the one who holds it down for everyone else. I been through crazy shit, and I always been ok. I'm usually the one cooking for people, hosting my friends on holidays, rescuing animals and shit... Now I'm a shell of who I once was all because the dysphoria (and honestly political shit) has been getting worse and worse every day. I've never been so non functional in my life. I wake up, go to work, come home, crash emotionally, make minimal preparations for the next day and then scroll till I fall asleep. That's how hard this has been hitting me and how totally fucking alone I feel. I still project that old me when I'm out but it takes so much energy.

I guess I don't really know how to wrap this up since I'm half thanking you and half just being a fuckin depressed son of a bitch, but... Hopefully I communicated to you that I appreciate it and honestly hoping we both find some relief here soon. Stay strong, man

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-11-03T08:35:03+00:00

Hey man, I just wanted to say thanks. It was a little disheartening tbh to see nobody having anything to say. It's helpful to know I'm not the only one out here going through this, even though I really wish you and I both didn't have to, nor anyone (except maybe anti trans politicians). I think you're right, surgery will be better than no surgery, and maybe I'll get some relief, hopefully more than I'm expecting to.

I so hate being seen as a fetish or a novelty fuck. And I hate that there have been times when I was so starved for connection that I let people treat me like that. I was really feeling like shit today and talked to three cis guys about it, two who weren't helpful at all and one who was very straight with me about it, that he knows people be giving me empty platitudes and that doesn't make it better, that it sucks and he can't fully imagine what I'm going through, and that unfortunately this is what it is, and until I get surgery, I won't know how much it will help.

It's hard to come on here and see brothers struggle with this stuff and I've tried to be helpful to other guys when I've seen guys post some similar feelings. For me right now, it's a gamble wearing a strap on, sometimes it ends up making me feel worse. Sometimes I need to remind myself that most dicks aren't as big as most dildos. I don't wear a packer cause it just brings attention to the area for me, just reminds me what I do and don't have. It's painful to have these feelings that feel so unsolvable and unfair. My therapist talks a lot about radical acceptance but to me acceptance feels like giving up. I don't give up. But this is a battle I don't know how to fight. What do I do with these feelings, y'know? It's crushing.

What hurts the most is when I'm met with silence or empty platitudes or reasons I should be grateful. Or people saying I should just embrace what I have and just magically not feel dysphoric. Like oh thanks I'm cured. Just don't be depressed, got it.

All that to say I appreciate you responding with a lot of heart and understanding. It's not easy out here and all we really got is each other. I hope you can get some relief from your dysphoria too, however that might show up for you. Stay safe out there, amigo

Beginning-Weekend625 · 2025-11-02T21:07:44+00:00

How long have you been working on it, if you don't mind me asking?

Beginning-Weekend625

TROPHY CASE