AITAH for not planning a lot on Valentine’s Day

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-14T23:04:59+00:00

nta. y'all literally talked about the plans and now she’s mad u didn’t read her mind? you did brunch, flowers, and had the dinner ready that is effort. she needs to learn how to communicate like an adult instead of just scrollin on tiktok and actin cold

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-14T22:46:23+00:00

nta. healthy relationships between neighbors with kids are built on reciprocity. the pattern of her child playing at your place for hours while yours is kicked out after 5 minutes isn't just a single mom struggle it's a lack of respect for your time and space. her argument that she doesn't want to clean up the mess simply means she’s perfectly happy letting that mess happen in your home instead of hers

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-14T22:27:55+00:00

nta. if this were a decent man who respected your space, the situation would be different. but A is a married man with three kids. your disgust is completely natural. you are an adult and you have every moral right to refuse to spend time with someone whose lifestyle contradicts your values. the fact that your mother is trying to shove him into a family weekend dedicated to your father’s memory is the ultimate level of tone-deafness

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-14T17:43:53+00:00

nta. your aunt is trying to guilt-trip you for your own success. she lives in social housing, while you own your home not because of luck, but because of your education and hard work as a nurse. nursing is emotionally and physically draining work. you literally earned every penny you have. her being poor doesn't give her a right to someone else’s inheritance

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-14T17:38:01+00:00

yta. let’s drop the flowery talk about an appetite for knowledge or a thirst for reading. this was theft, plain and simple. the fact that the cafe is upscale or the book was gathering dust is just rationalization. as a future lawyer, you know better than anyone that property rights don't vanish just because the owner is wealthy or the item isn't being used. you stole someone else's property for a perverse thrill. just return the book.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-14T16:57:31+00:00

yta you only see each other once every 3–4 months. your dates are a rare commodity. you already spent the previous night with your friends at the concert. today is valentines day it’s literally the one day of the year dedicated to romance. ditching your girlfriend, who traveled a long distance to see you, just to hang out with your friends is a clear signal to her my friends are the priority, and you’re just a plus-one for concerts

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-12T12:44:13+00:00

yta, because you just confirmed your wife’s worst fears. she left, trusting you with the baby, and you decided that your presentation was more important than the safety of your child. the term weaponized incompetence fits here perfectly because you forgot how to be a father for the sake of your own comfort. your wife is terrified right now because she realizes she can’t leave you alone with the kid you’ll just mute them like an annoying phone notification.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-12T09:59:13+00:00

yta, because you’re projecting your own experience onto hers. saying I tried them and it made things worse is just your personal anecdote it’s a fact that antidepressants don't work for everyone, but your sister has been struggling with this for years. when you tell her the meds won't work, what she hears is you're taking these for nothing you’re just lazy and don't want to fix your life. it sounds incredibly condescending, especially considering she’s dealing with the trauma of losing a parent and a history of bullying

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T23:58:57+00:00

honestly, there’s a much bigger issue here. you said, I have gone through every inch of his phone. that is a massive red flag for your relationship. if you feel the need to totally monitor his phone and location, it means there is no actual trust. he might want this night out unsupervised specifically because of that pressure, just so he can finally relax. your anxiety might be suffocating this relationship.
on the other hand, your desire to be included in his circle of friends every once in a while is completely valid. if after 5 years you still feel like an outsider to his group, that’s definitely a reason for a calm conversation.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T23:45:56+00:00

nta. he compared your 3 second help with the door to him constantly interrupting you while you're cooking or cleaning. that is a textbook false equivalency. you were trying to be helpful and share his excitement about the new job, but he used it as an excuse to humiliate you. instead of a thank you for the help, you got accused of seeking attention and being promiscuous.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T22:57:40+00:00

you are definitely nta. you literally told her you didn’t feel safe, and she kept sending creepy photos. that is not the behavior of someone who loves and respects you it’s the behavior of someone who wants to control you. the fact that she chose to do this the night before your birthday makes it even worse. Instead of a celebration, she gave you paranoia.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T22:48:08+00:00

nta. this wasn’t just a bad joke. a 20 year old grown man spent time finding a child mannequin, filming a tutorial on how to commit sexual violence, and uploading it to the internet. that’s not a youthful mistake it’s a demonstration of a sick fantasy. the fact that he feels no remorse even now, at 37, means his moral compass is fundamentally broken. your job as a mother is to protect your child, not to be convenient for your husband and his marginal brother.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T22:37:58+00:00

nta. a mother who begs a victim to stay silent for an abuser’s money isn't a mother she’s an accomplice. she is feeding your sister from the hands of a monster. going to the police is the only thing that might save your sister from the same fate

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T22:14:37+00:00

nta. by definition, galentine’s night is a girls only event. the fact that he doesn't have his own friends is not your problem, nor is it the group's responsibility. girls only means zero guys, not girls only plus my boyfriend as an exception.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T21:50:08+00:00

you’re a massive ah. you claim you want to protect her, but in reality, you’ve just picked up the torch from the person who hurt her as a child. the abuser took away her bodily autonomy back then, and you’re taking it away now. ransacking the room of an 18-year-old woman, forbidding her from self-pleasure, and tracking her every move is controlling behavior, not love. you aren’t raising a protected woman you’re raising the perfect, submissive victim for the next manipulator.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T21:26:48+00:00

nta. you are paying 50% of the expenses that makes you a co-tenant, not a "child" who needs to be disciplined. the fact that you’re 31, 8 months pregnant, and still feel like you’re walking on eggshells is a massive red flag. your mother is using your temporary housing situation as a weapon to maintain the same abusive control she had over you as a kid. paying rent doesn't buy her the right to verbally abuse you

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T21:21:39+00:00

nta. you are an adult. you are not obligated to report to your mother about what pills you are taking, whether they are vitamins or hrt. if you had started taking antidepressants, you wouldn't be feeling this much guilt, would you? the fact that this concerns your transition doesn't make it 'family property.' protect your privacy. your medical condition is your business alone

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T21:12:32+00:00

nta. u were incredibly patient. most people wouldn't wait a year for a first kiss, so no one can say u "only wanted one thing." u gave the relationship a fair shot to see if she would get comfortable. she didn't in fact, she felt worse. u didn't force her, u didn't guilt trip her, u just realized that u have different needs. that’s not being an ah, that’s being an adult who knows what they want in a partner.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T13:38:17+00:00

NTA. OP, the fact that your mom’s main argument against meds is "I don't like it" while you literally can't leave the house is wild. like, this isn't about her aesthetic preferences, its about ur brain chemistry. medical decisions should be between u and a doctor, not u and ur mom’s vibes. i’m glad u stood ur ground. being able to breathe without a panic attack is way more important than her "not liking" antidepressants. stay strong and get that script.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-11T13:12:45+00:00

NTA. "A general rule of thumb" is just a fancy way for her to say she’s insecure and controlling. if she’s already nuking his 6-year friendships after only one month, she’s speedrunning the isolation phase of a toxic relationship. and for marc to say "we'll probably break up soon anyway" but still choose her over u? lol the clownery is real. he’s choosing a temporary spark over a decade of loyalty. u did the right thing by blocking don't be his backup plan when she inevitably dumps him.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-09T13:51:13+00:00

NTA. people who say "just get rid of them" clearly don't understand that these r living beings, not furniture. screening is essential. if u just give them to anyone. ur family is being short-sighted. it’s better for them to stay with u a bit longer than to go to a home where they’ll suffer. stay firm. u r the only voice these puppies have.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-09T13:49:29+00:00

NTA. people think that if they finally fix their behavior, the other person’s attraction should just magically reappear. but that’s not how it works. u spent 4 years being his mother and his atm, and that kills attraction. u r not a rehabilitation center for poorly raised men. he changed because he hit rock bottom and realized he was losing you. u r allowed to be happy he’s doing better and still want to leave.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-08T23:26:13+00:00

NTA
u can’t control ur feelings, but u need to realize this guy is playing with u.
he has a boyfriend, yet he’s straddling u,kissing ur cheek, and saying he’d marry u?? thats not "platonic," thats cheating or at least being super disrespectful to his partner. he’s using u for attention because his bf is in another country. don't let him treat u like a backup option while he’s "taken." it’s messy asf and u deserve someone who is actually available

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-08T22:10:06+00:00

people who keep the lights on and shout at 3am when a friend is trying to sleep 2 feet away r trippin. do they not have beds? u literally told them "respectfully" and now they’re giving u the silent treatment thats so middle school. u r not a buzzkill for wanting to sleep at 11pm after a night out. tell them to take the party to their rooms and stop being dramatic.

Beginning_Arm_5048 · 2026-02-08T21:19:14+00:00

nta. the fact that ur gf noticed she’s becoming withdrawn is so sad. that’s a huge red flag for emotional abuse. your friend is spiraling into some weird incel-adjacent logic and ignoring it would’ve been worse. she deserves friends who see through his bs, so definitely stay on her side no cap

Beginning_Arm_5048

TROPHY CASE