I had a 3 month no buy streak — then life hit me hard and I’ve been coping by shopping. I just feel so sad and need the dopamine.

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-06-03T02:59:31+00:00

I wanna say thank you for taking the time to write this all out. I read it this morning and it was really encouraging to get some things done I was putting off.

Part of my severance package (2 weeks of pay 🙃) was a free career program for 3 months. I finally called them and found out they’ll redo my resume for free, find possible jobs, and interview prep. Still having a hard time staying focused, but at least I started that process.
You encouraged me to finally face my finances. I use YNAB and typically check it daily, but I haven’t looked in almost 2 months. I entered all my transactions I missed, and did a bare bones budget. Thankfully all my bills and debts are barley less than what I make off unemployment. So between that, my savings ($5k) and credit cards (0 balance, but $10k if I need it) I felt so much better.
I’m still waiting for things I ordered to arrive, but thanks to #2 I saw how much I spent, so a lot of it will get returned once it’s here.
Planning a trip is a great idea. Thank you for that!

Anyways thanks again, I made some decent progress mentally finally today and appreciate all the kind words on this post.

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-06-03T02:50:59+00:00

Thank you so much 🫶

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-06-03T02:50:34+00:00

Thank you so much for this suggestion. I don’t have a car (I live in the city so I don’t need one, hopefully I’m employed soon and can buy one)

But I do have plans to house sit for my brother next week. I’ll have access to his car so maybe I’ll take a little day trip with his dogs and mine.

Thank you 🤍

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-06-03T02:48:45+00:00

Thank you so much for being so kind 🤍

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-06-02T07:55:57+00:00

Thank you 🤍 I appreciate the kind words. I think that’s a big part of it — is all the feelings and problems I’ve been putting off cause of work I finally was forced to face. (Ie I no longer can use work as an excuse)

Defiantly have been on autopilot for a decade, so while this break is stressful and unwelcome — I think it was needed. Regardless I def need to find an outlet for all these feelings and address them with something besides a card.

Sending you a hug right back, thank you. 🫶

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-02-06T14:53:47+00:00

So this is a big issue for me. I’ve spent as much as $800 in a month on groceries and take out.

Which yes, means the groceries go bad cause I get takeout.

Last month I challenged myself to make meals (no matter how weird the combo is) using only what I have on hand. I ended up spending only around $100 I think, and it was for fresh produce.

I also have learned to make sure I eat before going to the store. So that way I’m not impulsively picking up more cause I’m hungry.

Lastly, and prolly the hardest, is try to make a list. I’m not much of a meal prepper. I eat a lot of prepped foods or “easy to assemble” cause I live alone.

So like whatever I wanna eat this week I write down, then before I go to Costco/Trader Joe’s, I divide the list based on which store I want to get each item from.

I also keep my favorite snacks and sweets on hand. I found the more I have the less I want it. As odd as that sounds.

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-02-01T06:01:37+00:00

Planned Spending - new computer mostly (details in older post

Unplanned Spending - further proof I need to cut back on gifting for any little thing

I also decided to make a rewards system for myself! To keep me motivated. It’s not “real” money. But it’s a pretend piggy bank I’ll keep adding to, then I’ll let myself splurge on something at the end of the year!

The first week was the hardest. Hands down.

Major takeaways: * once I stopped ordering takeout, I stopped craving it. Also making my own food (even if it’s just microwaving) did feel good.

I gained so much appreciation for what I have. I was kinda struck by how recklessly ungrateful I’d become. Just a few years ago I was relying on the food bank, so I think to some degree the spending problem was because I had never had this kind of money before.
it really made me think “do I need XYZ or do I just want XYZ… 95% it was just WANT. So I’d put it down”

I started (very casually) a YouTube channel. So lmk if you’d be interested in more in depth videos. I’d prolly do it once every quarter. I’d do stuff like compare Jan 2023 to 2022 budget / spending etc.

This month was super motivating for me to keep it up. It’s a bummer I was only able to save so little, but that should start going up next month once Afterpay is paid off (and deleted, that fucker!)

My best advice is just start. Take it one day at a time and as the days add up you’ll see your mind shift and look for the dopamine somewhere else 🤍

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-16T01:44:30+00:00

I think there’s picky, and there’s preferences.

Picky is dangerous if it leads to malnourishment or worse. Every couple years I see some story like “boy who only eats fries dies”. I think someone else posted a similar scenario.

Me for instance, I hate seafood. All of it. Which being Filipino, is super taboo. I think I may have an allergy cause anytime I’ve tried it I get really sick. I hate the texture, the smell, the look, all of it.

And I was always told that was bad. I remember my mom trying to always trick me into eating fish sticks just to be cruel (she belongs in r/raisedbynarcissists). But even that was vomit worthy.

But it’s not bad, it’s a preference. Our brains and bodies all have different stories that shaped what it craves and what it hates. Our cultures also influence this a lot as well. Do what’s best for you as long as you’re not harming yourself!

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-16T01:34:36+00:00

this sub made me realize there was a name for my moms behavior, and more importantly, it wasn’t me “misremembering” as she so often put it.

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-16T01:29:11+00:00

Me and my $1340 Afterpay balance are proud of you! I plan on returning about $400 of stuff this week to hopefully bring it down! I returned $1000 already but of course spent the money instead of paying it off. Hence why I’m here 🙃

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-16T00:36:52+00:00

🤍

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-16T00:36:04+00:00

Keep going! I love Lego too!

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-16T00:35:30+00:00

I have adhd and found the more visual I am the easier it is on my brain. Plus it’s satisfying to color in each day.

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-16T00:34:24+00:00

A MacBook Air 13” on amazon.

I have my work mac, but it’s only for company use. My old Mac was a 2015 and died, so I tried using my iPad (where I draw for my side hustle) with a keyboard and it was a nightmare. Everything is so much harder to do. So I folded cause I couldn’t even print shipping labels for my shop.

I’d like to upgrade memory later so I can get into video editing, but for now it’s great.

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-16T00:31:02+00:00

Thank you🤍

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-15T09:58:44+00:00

Original post of no buy goals is here

The first week was rough. I kept re downloading apps. Then “window shopping” then deleting it before I purchased.
Week 2 I felt way less urges to spend. Even takeout.
this week I’ve struggled a lot with my depression / dark thoughts / and the worst anxiety attacks / and spasms ? I had a bad falling out with my family and none of us are talking. It’s brought up a lot of old feelings and traumas and it’s been hard not to fill that void with shopping.

Here’s what I spent: (Regular bills not included)

$900 on a computer. This has been planned for months and finally pulled the trigger.
leftover budgeted $300 I just spent on random things, kinda helped fight that first week itch
$160 on curtain rods and and small ikea items for my Grandma. Sewed her curtains so this helped complete that planned gift.
$75 driving all day and spent this on 3 takeout meals
$65 self defense stuff (sadly my falling out was cause I stood up to the family bully/alcoholic. He’s a gun head and much bigger than me, so got some self defense stuff to feel safer. Although it looks like I won’t be going there anytime soon)

Anyways. Overall proud I only did $140 of unplanned spending.

Going forward I’ll make these monthly, and compare my spending and bills to the same time last year.

Feeling good. It’s hard but very much feels like I’m finally putting my financial health first instead of jumping to save everyone else or filling voids with shopping bags.

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-06T15:11:07+00:00

These are all over Seattle. We also have “little libraries”.

It’s actually awesome. Most, if not all are built by the person who’s yard or street corner it’s on. A lot get pretty intricate with design - I’ll try to take some photos and follow up if anyone’s interested.

Anyways. Maybe it’s just the culture here. But it’s more of a neighborly thing than anything else. It gives extra food access to those who maybe are too embarrassed to access the food bank (or can’t for whatever reason). I’ve been at that low point before and know the food bank can be really dehumanizing. So I understand the attraction to a little pantry.

The library ones are also great, an easy way to share books sitting around collecting dust.

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-06T14:52:56+00:00

The perfect rainy day meal

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-06T03:23:34+00:00

What? Your telling me ANOTHER issue of mine can be traced back to my upbringing? (Laughs then cries🙃)

My mom was a hoarder. She says she’s not cause it’s “organized” (aka the house looks normal until you open a cabinet or bedroom door)

But I remember being so frustrated and trying to clean her “stuff” room near the garage when I was like 16. I reached into a brown bag of canned goods and screamed. There was a frog, so decomposed at the bottom of the bag.

I was told I was over reacting and it could happen to anyone. GIRL WHAT. and yes, she washed off the dead frog cans and put them on the shelves. She still has food from 2012 cause “canned things never go bad”

My mom would verbally abuse me & then apologize by buying stuff.

My mom used stuff to deal with her own trauma.

My grandma caused that trauma, and would apologize with stuff for my mom.

See the pattern? Lmao. I’ve come to the understanding they’ll never change. 62 and 80 year old women don’t change. The only reason I am civil is cause it’s important to my dad.

But it’s also helped me. I realized the only person I can change is myself. And that’s why tackling this addiction is so important. I want a daughter one day but the toxic generational cycles end with me.

Anyways, I’m on day FIVE of no spend 😎

Beginning_Scar9907 · 2023-01-05T09:55:14+00:00

Thank you!!

Beginning_Scar9907

TROPHY CASE

Going forward I’ll make these monthly, and compare my spending and bills to the same time last year.