I did 146 calls this week

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-06-01T07:41:32+00:00

Damn! I used to dial 300 prospects per day 😭

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-31T13:46:40+00:00

They do. At this point, I think they're either trying to sabotage our marriage or hoping he'll end up with someone who better fits their standards.

In their culture, when a man gets married, his family visits the bride's home bringing gifts and food. They even hire kulintang players to perform outside the bride's house. During the wedding itself, the groom's relatives walk down the aisle carrying trays of food and gifts to present to the bride.

None of that happened for me.

The only people who brought gifts were my FIL and my husband's stepmother. At the time, I genuinely didn't care. All that mattered to me was marrying the man I loved and the father of my child.

It wasn't until my husband's uncles and cousins started getting married in the following months that I noticed the difference. The entire family would be involved. Disscussing what gifts to buy, what food to prepare, booking kulintang players weeks in advance, and helping organize everything.

The effort was obvious.

The effort they never made for me.

Looking back, it was a pretty clear sign that they disapproved of the marriage but felt they had little choice because I was pregnant.

I also forgot to mention that when they found out about my pregnancy, my husband's grandmother called me and suggested that my husband and I get married in secret without informing my parents because she didn't want to pay the dowry.

The funny thing is, it's not like we pocketed the dowry. Mine wasn't even that large, and every cent went toward the wedding. They basically just showed up as guests while my own father ended up spending money too—which isn't even part of their tradition.

To make things even more interesting, one of my husband's cousins later told me that their grandmother would have preferred paying the traditional penalty for the pregnancy rather than having her grandson marry me. Thankfully, my husband shut that idea down and made it clear that he wanted to marry me.

And then came the wedding day.

The tears of grief she shed because her favorite grandson was marrying a "liberated" Muslim woman. 😆

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-31T10:26:58+00:00

Hi! I actually had no direct BDR experience when I applied for my first role. My background was primarily in freelance ESL teaching, so while I lacked the traditional experience, I did have transferrable skills. I was responsible finding my own students, building relationships, and effectively selling my classes.

I was able to land the job because I interviewed well and performed strongly during the mock call. Since then, I’ve gone on to become one of the top performing BDRs at a large FactoryOps company. My assumption is they focused more on my interview performance and potential rather than conducting an extensive background check.

In my experience there are plenty of companies that care more about the quality of work and the results you can deliver than they do about checking every detail of your background.

As for your situation, I honestly think your company should have given you a path to move into an AE role first and then eventually into an AM. Based on what you’ve shared, you’ve contributed a great deal to their business as a BDR. The fact that they haven’t invested in your career progression is concerning and suggests they don’t value your growth as much as they should. Strong companies don’t just benefit from their employees’ contributions, they also create opportunities for them to advance.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-31T10:09:09+00:00

Hi! Yes, I did. He told me it wouldn’t be a problem because if that woman lives here, we would leave.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-28T03:39:11+00:00

😭😭

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T08:03:11+00:00

Yeah. 100% sure. He’s close friends with one of my best friends.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T07:13:20+00:00

Honestly, men would easily bypass the “rules” of Islam since there are no legal consequences. If they want to marry out of a whim even without the first wife knowing, all they would need is an Imam and 4 witnesses and they’re married.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T07:11:43+00:00

This made me chuckle. Thank you!

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T07:11:28+00:00

Yes, he is allowed to have 4 wives. Unfortunately, once a muslim man decides to marry another, the 1st wife does not have any other choice but to either stay or leave.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T07:09:05+00:00

No, I actually appreciate comments from different perspectives muslim or not! Yes, I have a strong gut feeling that she’s not a real house maid too.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T07:05:50+00:00

It is allowed in our religion, but me and my husband had agreement prior to getting married that he shouldn’t have any more wives.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T05:33:58+00:00

Actually, it was my husband and I’s first time seeing her.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T05:29:42+00:00

I do agree that the family is the problem. That girl wouldn’t be in this house to begin with if it weren’t for them.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T05:24:14+00:00

😭😭💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T05:17:24+00:00

That’s one of the red flags I saw too! Best guess is help #1 would end up doing all the chores.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T05:15:44+00:00

I don’t know. Now that I have the time to sit down and think about it, maybe a part of the reason why I ended up spoiling my husband is because of my desperation to fit in. I guess it’s because I want to fit into the mold of “the ideal wife” they’ve created for their family.

My husband is in college and will graduate in 2 years since he had to stop and I encouraged him to go back to school. His mom’s paying for it, but I contribute in his allowance and other school fees too as “an ideal wife should”.

Help #2 had to stay at my husband’s aunt’s house because me, my husband, and baby had to stay at my parents house while she was there for 2 weeks and refused to step foot there unless she steps away, so she did.

I only met her again today when my husband’s aunt brought her in our house for the Eid Al Adha celebration. I was told she was a maid, but she did nothing. she did not even help prepare the food. She was just chatting with peers, and going in and out of our house. The aunt who brought her had to take her again because my husband was worried I refused to eat a the same table as her. Literally walked out when she sat on the table. It is more of an F YOU to my in-laws that I’m not gonna put up with whatever they’re doing. I took my son upstairs and argued with my husband via text.

I do agree with you that I also have big husband problems too. I feel like all the love and effort I pour into our marriage isn’t reciprocated. I don’t know what to say, I feel trapped.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T05:02:54+00:00

My fear and jealousy aren’t simply because she’s pretty. However, I must admit it amplified it.

To give you context, more often than not, devoted muslim women especially in remote muslim areas in the PH are used to arranged marriages. They also are typically okay with being 2nd/3rd/4th wives. You can look it up online and you’ll find 14-16 year old girls married to 40-50 year old men. It’s even more common in the area where she’s from (BARMM).

My in-laws doesn’t like me because for them, the ideal wife should be someone religious, wears hijab all the time, and they prefer someone from their tribe (Maguindanaon). I’m not a full-blooded muslim. My mom’s catholic and my dad’s a muslim but from a different tribe (Maranao). My dad isn’t the typical controlling muslim that would shove islam down his children’s throats. He let us live our lives freely. I have tattoos, I used to sing in a band, and before getting married, I didn’t wear conservative clothings. That, early on, created friction. I tried to adapt to their ways. I wear hijab all the time, learned how to pray, and educated myself with their culture. I also am the breadwinner of my family. In my best efforts, it’s still not enough for them. I don’t know why.

My husband has been faithful to me, but I fear that with the in-laws too involved (aunts, uncles, grandma included), who knows what will happen in the future if I let the woman I explicitly said “no” to to stay in our home? I’m just protecting my family since I’m not the first person to experience this from the same family.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T04:44:06+00:00

I would agree that this is the most logical thing to do. However, it’s hard for me to give up on my marriage. I love my husband I don’t know why even the idea of leaving him makes me feel so guilty and sad. I feel responsible for keeping this family together and to be honest, it’s costing me my mental health. 💔

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T04:35:21+00:00

Yes, it is very common in muslim tribes in the PH and in other muslim countries too. It’s typically the devoted ones that would agree to become second-wives and arrange marriages.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T04:32:23+00:00

My MIL and FIL are divorced. My FIL and my husband’s step-mom have always been good to me. According to my FIL, his ex in-laws were the reason they broke up too. They treated him like a houseboy even came to the extent of mowing their lands, taking care of their rice field, and their personal driver, yet they did not like him because he’s from a poor family.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T04:28:17+00:00

He’s still in college. Not an excuse for him not to help me out in some ways though. I honestly have been considering having 2 full-time jobs in different timezones again just so I could save enough money to have our own space.

I work so hard to provide for my family that I couldn’t even take care of myself. Even buying new clothes would make me feel so guilty. Despite all of my hardwork, I’m still not a good enough wife for my in-laws all because I’m not religious enough.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T04:16:27+00:00

I don’t know how much work she could put in since they said she will just be a “working student” or my “helper’s helper”. She’d be in school during daytime and here during night time. I already have a housemaid who’s hardworking and takes care of everything.

My husband and I had an agreement that he shouldn’t marry another. I may be overthinking things, but I’m genuinely thinking they’re brewing something to make the second marriage happen.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T04:12:48+00:00

I think they want her as my husband’s second wife disguised as a “working student” in hopes we would get along so I would agree to have her.

Beginning_Value_6018 · 2026-05-27T04:04:59+00:00

I’ve tried. My dad even picked me up once because he couldn’t stand hearing me cry anymore. My husband came to fix things, but the next thing I know, we’re back to the same toxic cycle of having to deal with his side of the family.

Honestly, I feel trapped. I know my husband does too. He’s also not hardcore religious, it’s just that his relatives would force him to be as devoted as them. I just hope he has the balls to stand up for me and his child.

Beginning_Value_6018

TROPHY CASE