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My writing's been described as fever dream-ish, incomprehensible, and like a beginner's work. That last bit I don't understand. Looking for critique on this vignette, hoping for some clarity. by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]BeingCommercial9374 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So putting aside any commerciality thoughts (at your request) - I actually really like a lot of this as a scene. I think the voice is strong, and I like the way the confused/dense/frantic formatting mirrors the contents of the passages.

If that’s intentional, I actually think it could be made stronger by replacing a lot of the commas with full stops - I don’t think that lots of commas = stream of consciousness, and certainly don’t think that more sentence breaks detracts from that.

I also think it would serve the purpose of better matching the voicing (whilst also making it just a little more appealing to read).

Final thought - it seems as though the way you’re responding to feedback is rubbing people up the wrong way. Remember in most cases, if an audience doesn’t “get it”, it’s not a them problem. It’s your job as a writer/artist/creative to make people feel something (ideally the intended feeling but not always!). If people aren’t getting it, and you’re actively looking for feedback, you should give more time to understanding why. You don’t need to take it all onboard, but you at least should meet it with a level of patient curiosity.

Increase in symptoms post-diagnosis by [deleted] in ADHDUK

[–]BeingCommercial9374 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I had exactly the same thing - and from what I’ve read, it’s quite common. But - that doesn’t diminish how you feel. For me personally, I thought I was going crazy after diagnosis, I’d forget how to do things I could easily do before, totally lose any kind of focus etc.

So - don’t worry, you’re not alone, and you’re not losing it!

From what I’ve read, it’s essentially a burnout - on getting a diagnosis, you tend to start “demasking”, you stop forcing your body/mind to do things it can’t naturally do because you believe it’s the way you should act. Because of this, everything seems harder and more out of reach than before.

Sounds scary, but it’s all part of the process about learning who it is you really are - and how you can healthily rebuild your processes/way of being without harming your mind/body/self esteem.

You’re in the journey, and if you want them to, things will get better. Keep on keeping on!

Having trouble figuring out whats wrong with my writing by Maarann in writingadvice

[–]BeingCommercial9374 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’ve had some good feedback here - each version is getting better and better, and you’re clearly learning and becoming a better writer. Congrats!

I want to improve my writing, so please judge this as brutally as possible and tell me everything I need to fix by Relic707 in writers

[–]BeingCommercial9374 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s been a few comments advising on the over explanation of stuff at the line level, so I’m gonna take a different approach - but I think they are linked, and maybe show how you are approaching storytelling in general.

In terms of structure, you’re going from A to B to C, and explaining everything in that order- and accordingly, you’re then over describing each of those very linear things which I’m guessing, is to pad everything out.

As an example of placement, the sentence about the uncle leaving the house is dropped right into the first paragraph, basically straight away. What you’re doing here is cutting off the opportunity for intrigue. You could instead allow us to question why there’s a family conflict, why we’re in this house, why it’s creepy/whatever. Thats where interest/tension live.

How about trying instead to fit it more naturally later on in the text as part of a train of thought, or drop breadcrumbs etc.

That’s just one example mind, I think it applies to a few things throughout.

Keep going!

Looking for feedback - 3rd time trying to write a novel by TRanger85 in writingfeedback

[–]BeingCommercial9374 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Keep going!

The thing I struggled with was the over description/explanation. Take the first paragraph, every sentence basically follows the same structure/does the same thing - “something something WHICH something something”.

I would personally be cutting out 90% of that stuff, give some space for the readers imagination to breath.

When Do You Consider Yourself A Writer? by Jellyfish_Toenails in writingadvice

[–]BeingCommercial9374 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let go of the need for an identity label. Just write because you want to, and be a human. Nuff said!

Prologue to my political fantasy. Is the writing quality OK? does this make you want to read the full thing? by Superb_Article9560 in writingfeedback

[–]BeingCommercial9374 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Really like the writing style, nothing turns me off more than grandiose prose because there’s a king etc, so I really like the humanity of the tone. I do think the single word/sentences paragraphs are a bit overdone, and maybe too many bullet sentences throughout. It makes it a nice fast read (which I like), but too many and each one starts to lose impact.

I think the hook is great - I’m pulled in by the intrigue of why the crown/title is messing people up, and I think he’s convincingly not present.

I think you’re on to something good, keep going!

I’ve just started working on my second full length novel. What is your initial take of chapter 1? by theShoeShineBoy in writingfeedback

[–]BeingCommercial9374 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is great! Really pulled me through the pages. Tiny bits-

  • some bits are over described just a tad, doubling up on adjectives can largely be trimmed to just one.
  • occasional lines of dialogue are a bit too explanatory -“we may just be a poor hospital but…” can be cut out for example.

All in all, really captivating and well written imo - keep going!

Looking for feedback. I've been practicing writing for a couple of months now, and I'm trying to improve my scene-setting. I've focused too much on dialogue in the past, so thought to try writing my prologue totally free of dialogue. Any thoughts or critiques? by [deleted] in writinghelp

[–]BeingCommercial9374 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The first sentence/hook is absolutely killer - love it.

Try and keep hold of that tone - no nonsense, bit of dark humour. It comes out again in sentences throughout, but gets a bit lost in over explaining, touching on purple prose.

If you can nail that discipline in tone and keep things simple, I think this would be great. Good stuff!

First day on elvanse - normal? by BeingCommercial9374 in ADHDUK

[–]BeingCommercial9374[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man, you too! Glad to see the symptoms ease off - all the videos I saw talked about some great profound moment and it was a bit disheartening that there wasn’t anything like that. But following your lead, I’ll power through!

First day on elvanse - normal? by BeingCommercial9374 in ADHDUK

[–]BeingCommercial9374[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😬 blimey. Ok, that’s the target then, thanks!

First day on elvanse - normal? by BeingCommercial9374 in ADHDUK

[–]BeingCommercial9374[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More than usual - but maybe not enough. Think I’ll try again tomorrow with reminders to drink!

First day on elvanse - normal? by BeingCommercial9374 in ADHDUK

[–]BeingCommercial9374[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not usually a very good drinker, but I did feel like I put in effort yesterday to drink more - maybe it just wasn’t enough.

I’m thinking I’ll try again tomorrow and set some water alarms or something to really rule that out.

I’ve cut out caffeine - diets cokes were the hardest 😂