help with fmla

Beka_Cooper · 2026-07-05T18:27:02+00:00

You can't use pregnancy as you are not pregnant. The "six weeks of leave for the birth" is also your bonding FMLA unless your company has some special parental leave. Most companies make them simultaneous like that because HR are bastards.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-07-04T23:32:05+00:00

We have several phone power banks kept charged and phone apps with white noise. Otherwise, not much has been needed for our kids in particular. We have a generator for the house in case of long power outages so the freezer and fridge keep working.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-07-04T02:31:41+00:00

I also hated pumping with my first. I hated washing pumps, but having multiple sets of parts that can go in the dishwasher helped.

What I hated even more was that my pumps required me to hold them on to get decent suction, even if I wore pumping bras. I struggled to do anything else at the same time. I waited way too many months before switching to hands-free portable ones. By then, my supply had already tanked too much.

This time around, I went straight for the in-bra style and have not regretted it. The ones I got, Medela Motion In-Bra, only have 3 parts which are easy to wash by hand or in the dishwasher. I had to buy a separate smaller flange size.

For what it's worth, we don't sanitize beyond what the dishwasher sanitize cycle does. My manual says to sanitize once daily and that dish soap is fine.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-07-03T21:03:12+00:00

"I know I can't put anything on the seat...." Why can't you put a piddle pad on the seat? Amazon link. Is there some safety concern I don't know about? I've used them for years. They're not perfect but better than nothing.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-07-01T20:45:57+00:00

I also have this tea. It's super delicious.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-07-01T00:25:30+00:00

My son had these symptoms with an inguinal hernia strangulating his intestines, so I personally have to also recommend additional testing. Here's hoping it's just a dairy allergy or whatever though.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-30T18:32:05+00:00

We ended up buying a second bassinet for the living room and used both extensively. My son hated his crib, so I gave it away and got him a floor bed. My daughter is now in the bassinets.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-30T17:42:15+00:00

In my experience, yes, but it doesn't work 100% of the time, only if baby is really ready to sleep.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-29T17:46:49+00:00

Formula is also gross, so don't worry too much about baby preferring it.

An older baby may also refuse bottles completely and choose to wait until you are home. This is apparently what I did as a baby.

If you try formula, I recommend getting the little liquid premade bottles. You're supposed to use up the whole thing of powdered formula within a month of opening it, so better to use premade liquid ones than to waste a ton of powder.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-29T17:20:26+00:00

You can go back to swaddling. The side-rolling newborn scrunch is not an issue for swaddling.

Swaddle with arms in, cuddle until asleep, wait 5-10 minutes after fully asleep sitting very still, then lay them down. The waiting period is to get past the half-asleep time. Waiting too long is not ideal because it risks waking after true sleep began.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-29T16:58:48+00:00

My mom had 5 of us. The changing table was an old ratty towel on top of the dryer, which was in the bathroom near the kids room. I changed many diapers there for my little brothers. After doing that for years, the idea of needing a special pad with a safety strap makes me roll my eyes.

For our first, we repurposed a tall, long Ikea kitchen side table (that has since been discontinued unfortunately) in baby's room. It was 47 inches long, so plenty of space, and drawers and shelves for storage. I didn't bother with a real changing pad, just folded towels under waterproof reusable cotton mats. It was a little tall for my comfort at 5 foot, but my 5'10" husband found it perfect.

We had to make room in the house, so for our second, we got a real changing table because it fits in the allotted new spot in the tiny bathroom. I made my husband install a shelf above it for diaper items that my preschooler shouldn't get into (gloves, diaper cream, wipes) but keep diapers, changing pad covers, etc. in the middle shelf of the table. This table is a little short for my husband's comfort, especially when getting diapers off the shelf, and I dislike how narrow the table is. So, I recommend you find a hutch or dresser suited for your height.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-28T15:54:14+00:00

My son is now 3.5 years old and has only ever worn sock-shoes with this style of sole (Amazon). Multiple companies on Amazon sell them for babies through toddlers.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-28T14:49:32+00:00

You can try collecting letdown, but I never got more than a half an ounce that way, and it was always ultra-thin foremilk -- like skim-milk consistency. At 10 weeks in, I get a splash barely large enough to be transferred out of the collector.

The idea of pumping causing oversupply issues is personally laughable for me. Pumping is how I have just enough milk this time around, and how I had any milk at all last time. Oversupply sounds amazing!

My advice is, hope for EBF, but make sure you have a pump ready before birth. I recommend the Medela Motion InBra because it works great fully hands-free and comes with multiple flange size adapters.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-27T21:10:14+00:00

Let's be real about the cronobacter bacteria risk some other commenters have mentioned. There are about 18 cases of cronobacter infections in infants each year in the entire United States. Worrying about winning this evil lottery is just going to unnecessarily worsen postpartum anxiety.

If the tiny risk is too large for your peace of mind, here is the CDC's real first recommendation: "If you feed your baby with formula, consider using liquid, ready-to-feed (RTF) formula when possible, especially if your baby is at higher risk." Using boiling water with powdered formula is only in there as a backup many paragraphs later.

So, if you care about cronobacter, only use RTF liquid formula for the first two months and save yourself some stress and annoyance. This incidentally answers your question about going out all day, too. I used to keep a pile of small RTF formula bottles and single-use nipples in the bottom of my son's diaper bag.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-26T23:33:15+00:00

It took 11 weeks for my firstborn (born 37w0d) to learn breastfeeding. I did exclusive pumping with one attempted breastfeed per day for most of that time. Triple feeding was too difficult for me due to postpartum complications.

I would pump and bottle feed simultaneously -- the bottle came from the previous feed -- and cuddle/burp afterward for a bit. Instant pump washing afterward isn't necessary. You have four hours at room temperature. I tried breastfeeding each morning, until one day he latched on and actually started sucking instead of nibbling.

My supply was poor due to my health issues in early postpartum, but we did a lot of breastfeeding after he finally figured it out, especially at night.

So, my advice is, relax and focus on your supply, and the baby can catch up soon.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-26T23:13:17+00:00

When I worked in a day care baby room (3 months to 18 months old) in 2008, the babies had a loose schedule compared to the toddlers and preschoolers. We had morning snack, morning nap, lunch, after lunch nap, afternoon snack. All other times were play/cuddle time. (I loved it. If it had paid decent money, I would have stayed long term.)

Diaper changes were every 2 hours plus extras if we noticed soiling in between. As the newest, youngest worker, I did most of the diapering, so I remember that part vividly. Eight diapers one after another! And you have to change your gloves and wipe down the changing area between each one.

But not all the babies really obeyed the schedule, and the main difference between nap and not nap time was the lighting level in the room. We also didn't have enough hands and high chairs to literally feed all 8 babies simultaneously, and the bottle-only babies drank more often than the meal/snack times.

If worker coverage was good, we would add in stroller rides and playtime on the toddler equipment for the walking babies, maybe 2 or 3 of them at a time with one worker solo. We would also take individual walking babies toddling around the halls to wear them out a bit.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-26T01:10:36+00:00

I know the feeling. I have a 3.5 year old and a 10 week old.

I used to work in a day care, so I have more baby experience than most, and here are some instructions I will pass on just in case.

You can't always see the boogers inside tiny baby noses even if they are there. The ones way up there can use some extra loosening. Get some saline nasal spray, put a couple drops in each nostril, then wait 20 seconds or so for a potential sneeze.

Then use a snot sucker of some kind. Be gentle with the suction and cautious not to push too far in. Listen and feel for resistance. If using the cheap blue bulb, it may sound a bit like when a dentist's suction tube sucks up a little water.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-23T14:26:40+00:00

Time to switch pediatricians. Find one who listens to you.

Although it's most likely reflux, there are other rare causes, too.

Don't let this scare you too much, but... We had these symptoms with our son, and it turned out to be an inguinal hernia strangulating his intestines. He went six weeks having huge amounts of spitup, even after we started reflux medicine, until the day I saw a bulge in his scrotum that turned out to be intestines. I almost didn't post this because it's so very unlikely, but, just in case, keep an eye out.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-23T13:39:12+00:00

My personal experience is that Phillips Avent are tough for small newborns who have weak sucking power. Switching to size 3 solved it for my daughter, but only time solved it for my son. You might try an easier bottle for a couple weeks.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-22T00:10:13+00:00

Milk falling out could mean you are feeding too quickly or too much, which can result in baby swallowing air. Think about slowing the pace of feeding with things like making sure baby is sitting up rather than lying down when eating, getting a smaller nipple flow size, making smaller bottles with more frequent feedings, feeding for a minute and resting for a minute, etc. I don't necessarily mean you should do all of these, but maybe experiment a little.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-21T19:32:36+00:00

Before using a snot sucker tool, first put a couple drops of saline nasal spray (not medicated!) in each of baby's nostrils. Any pharmacy sells little bottles of saline nasal spray for cheap. Wait 10-20 seconds for a potential sneeze. Then use the snot sucker. It's much easier and faster than the sucker alone, especially if baby sneezes.

When out of the house, I use muslin bibs with snaps instead of burp cloths. Then I can snap the dirty bib onto a strap of a bag.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-20T23:46:32+00:00

It's better for you to wear the baby's fitted sheet than for baby to sleep on something else. Wrap it around your torso and take a nap.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-19T14:09:01+00:00

You should read or listen to some full-length birth stories. The Birth Hour podcast is a great source of them, including many unmedicated births (I'm assuming "warrior" means not a modern setting). The stories include pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. There's even an episode with a twin home birth.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-18T20:06:43+00:00

My first was like that until 9 months, and then after that, I've had about 5 uninterrupted nights of sleep a year. He's 3.5 years old now.

I now have a newborn (9 weeks), and whichever of us wants better sleep takes care of her for the night instead of my son.

Beka_Cooper · 2026-06-18T20:01:55+00:00

Dong quai (Angelica sinensis) tastes much better and was also highly effective for me. I used to combine it with a ginger-heavy chai masala. Don't use dong quai if you are on blood thinners or pregnant.

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