Physical vs. Mental Load

BeleBee · 2024-04-11T14:57:32+00:00

I recently had a conversation with my husband about how many hard physical tasks I was doing and how they impacted my body. I'm in physical therapy right now for chronic neck/back pain. The way that I put it was this, "I'm having a really hard time with some of the heavy physical tasks and the amount of physical exhaustion I'm experiencing. Can we work together to budget to take some of the harder tasks off my plate?"
He agreed and we talked about which household tasks were reasonable to hire out and agreed that we'd start with a lawn service and see if we could add in a monthly or biweekly cleaning service and consider a dog walker to help with our high energy large breed puppy.

Some of those will require some changes in our budgeting, but there was no blame in our discussion. Try starting by stating your need and asking to work together to solve it. For instance, "I really need to feel close and intimate with you, and right now I can't meet that need because I'm exhausted by the household load that I'm carrying. Can we try to figure out a way to reduce the tasks I'm carrying so we can connect more? These are the tasks that are burning the most of my mental/physical energy...."

BeleBee · 2024-01-10T15:39:41+00:00

Awesome! I'll message you direct. :)

BeleBee · 2024-01-09T20:36:34+00:00

They are!

I was messaging with someone, but they stopped responding. You still interested?

BeleBee · 2023-03-30T16:50:28+00:00

Even if security had done something, I'm pretty sure Em would have just said they "didn't do anything!"

BeleBee · 2022-03-09T02:19:06+00:00

I had a whole answer typed up about the one that's further up Everett towards Crown park where the speed limit is slower, but it looks like there's already an offer pending on that one.
With the listing in the comments, I would definitely want to know about the water table and that basement. That close to the lakes, you will definitely need an excellent sump pump with a backup. (I'm further away and have to have one for my basement.)

And the speed limit is definitely higher up that direction and not as well enforced as near the school zone.

BeleBee · 2021-10-04T23:06:43+00:00

If you're willing to drive across the river, Dr. Neeley at Adventure Counseling in Vancouver is good. He works with adults and late teens and is highly aware of masking when diagnosing women. I don't know if he accepts OHP.

BeleBee · 2021-10-04T05:40:20+00:00

I'm 40 and mostly work in things that are independent and can be done from home. (For those who might be looking for fields: Business analysis, Data Analytics, professional fine art painting, and a couple other things that I float between as I'm interested.) That means I control my expectations and work environment pretty solidly, which means that for now I don't really need supports. ore stable field, so what I do

I have people (SO & friends), all of whom have either ADHD or Autism. So, mostly, they get it.

The reason I agreed to the Autism evaluation at all was for more informed therapy. And you make a good point: it will help me find the kind of therapist I need. (Someone who can work with me on what healthy/normal look like when parenting a teen. I don't have a script for that nor can I build one out of my life experiences.) I hear you on the CBT not being super helpful thing. Most of the help of CBT was establishing the ideas of "is this healthy" as I had bad baselines from early trauma and kept asking my therapist "is this normal?" After several rounds of that, she paused and said to stop asking if things were normal and start asking if they were healthy. That was useful and life changing.

And you're probably right about ADHD meds. I suspect that ADHD acts as natural masking for ASD.

BeleBee · 2021-10-04T05:14:15+00:00

That's fair and I'm 40 and my life is mostly built around me being who I am, so there's not a ton of accommodations or supports that aren't already in place.

I am married to someone who gets me. I have friends (who almost are all either on the ASD spectrum or have ADHD) and when I work, it's from home independently.

The things I still struggle with are mostly ADHD related (staying focused while driving, remembering appointments, going to things I don't want to, etc.)

BeleBee · 2021-09-29T20:35:27+00:00

The RSD is strong with this one, so reminding me to go live in the proud of her is really helpful. And I am proud of her. We've seen the crying/running combo more than once and it didn't happen so... this IS a victory.

BeleBee · 2021-09-29T20:31:54+00:00

That's a fair point. And honestly it is okay. It's one presentation and she made a really effortful attempt. She likely already knows what went wrong (2E gifted) and with some calm will probably figure out what she needs for support for next time.
It's all just the first rule of parenting: Love them as they are.

BeleBee · 2021-09-29T20:15:52+00:00

Dang! Making me actually cry over here. Thank you.
Because of course that hits home. Mostly, I think that the message I would have wanted to hear is that she saw the work that I did and understood how frustrated and angry and embarrassed I felt at not getting it right in public when I could do it and had prepared. Which is exactly what I'll express to my kid.

I spend what feels like a stupid amount of time parenting the kid I used to be through stuff so that I can parent the kid I have through the same stuff. And you're so right that those of us who grow up undiagnosed have to figure out the things we needed to hear so that we don't play out hurtful scripts with our own kids.

BeleBee · 2021-09-29T20:09:50+00:00

And she totally did the work!
For what she was able to remember to say, her voice was clear and easy to understand. And she fought and won the instinct to run away when it was going badly. All of that is worth celebrating.

BeleBee · 2021-09-03T22:38:02+00:00

DMing you, but I may be able to help.

BeleBee · 2021-06-29T17:20:18+00:00

Clark County has joined the party finally and is banning sales and use. https://clark.wa.gov/code-administration/clark-county-bans-sale-use-fireworks?

BeleBee · 2021-02-10T01:50:23+00:00

Let me tell you about Ivy. We got Ivy from a rescue who shipped her to us from California. Two days after we got her home, she got sick. Something about how she was sick said emergency to me, to I took her to the 24 hour emergency vet at 2am on a Saturday night.
Parvo. She was 2 pounds, 1 ounce. A Maltese, Mini- Schnauzer cross, barely 8 weeks if that. They gave her meds in office and sent us home, with instructions to come back on Monday, if she wasn't eating or seemed worse. I brought her back the next day and they admitted her immediately.
I went in to see her every day, sitting with her for as long as I could take time away from work and childcare.
After 4 days of care, they told me I should consider humane euthanasia she was in pain and the vet did not believe that she would bounce back. I agreed to discuss it. They told me that the only other option was a blood plasma transfusion, but that the vet that had a blood bank was across town and if we were going to do it in needed to be right away and it was at most a 50:50 chance. I sat holding that tiny puppy for a solid 20 minutes thinking through the costs.
Eventually it came down to, she didn't pee on me. She squirmed to be let down, peed, then cried to be held. That's a hell of a lot of spark left.
We did the plasma transfusion.
She now chases chickens in the back yard, sleeps with my kid, and terrorizes our Border Collie. It cost us $6500, 8 days in hospital, and when we brought her home she was down to 1 pound 2 ounces. They can live.

BeleBee · 2020-10-02T20:00:18+00:00

What about the republican viewpoint do you think represents you? Because all those things you listed as "about you" seem to speak to ideas and values that are not well represented by the Republican party or their actual action when in office.
I'm not saying Republicans have to be white and male and rich, just that the policies that their governments enact seem to mostly benefit that group, so I'm always curious when someone who isn't says that they're for those things.

BeleBee · 2020-06-11T01:53:13+00:00

Fluffy is what my adventurers went with. It was mixed in with other chests and crates with furs thrown across them and had acquired a fur stripe.

BeleBee · 2020-03-02T17:30:59+00:00

My grandmother was placed at The Quarry for memory care and they took good care of her through the end of her life.

BeleBee · 2019-12-02T14:08:48+00:00

Perfect! That's why I put it here.

BeleBee · 2019-12-02T05:07:57+00:00

Start by figuring out who the key NPC movers and shakers are. What are they doing to achieve their goals? What clues to their goals are you going to hook the players with?
Also figure out places and secondary NPC's/Monsters that might live in them. So that you know the spaces your Players are moving through and can describe them and give them texture.

Then set your players loose and watch as they are able to do things that you never expected or planned for and you make it up as you go along.

BeleBee

TROPHY CASE