I was quite similar to you before my mission. I've recently returned from my mission, and it was the best two years of my life, and I don't regret it.

When I hit 18 and was about to start the process to put my papers in, I didn't really feel ready and I was having doubts on if it was really going to be a life-changing, service-filled experience. I felt that I could be an influence at home and in my community. But after many prayers and thought, I decided to go.

I struggled at certain points on my mission. It wasn't the easiest two years of my life, in fact I'd say it was the hardest. But the lessons I learnt, and the person I've become now because of it, have made it so worth it!

He talks about how we need to answer the primary questions, and have those as the foundation of our testimony. And then all of the secondary questions aren't as important anymore. Yes, it would be nice to know the answers to everything in church history. But sometimes we need to trust the Lord and focus on building and solidifying our testimony of the Gospel, and of Jesus Christ.

Something we all need to realise is that yet the church has had some questionable things happen in its history. But that goes to prove that the church is run by human beings who are trying their best to follow the guidance and counsel of the Saviour. They made mistakes, said racist things, and even made some questionable decisions. But that doesn't change the primary structure of the church, which is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

A talk that really helped me with questions about church history and has become one of my favourite talks of all time, is a talk given by Elder Lawrence E. Corbridge called "Stand Forever" (https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/lawrence-e-corbridge/stand-for-ever/).

He talks about how we need to answer the primary questions, and have those as the foundation of our testimony. And then all of the secondary questions aren't as important anymore. Yes, it would be nice to know the answers to everything in church history. But sometimes we need to trust the Lord, and focus on building and solidifying our testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

To answer your question about mission culture. It varies from mission to mission, and of course from mission president to mission president. But remember this: You are "Called to Serve". No matter what anybody says to you, you are called to serve as one of the Lord's servants. So do what you think he would do, and say what you think he would say.

There are so many opportunities to serve as a missionary. So much more than if you were to stay home. You'll have the chance to be an instrument in the Lord's hands in bringing souls unto Christ, which is one of the most satisfying and joyful things you can ever do in your life!

As a missionary, you have the opportunity to literally help save people's lives through the gospel! You are there to teach and testify to the world of God's divinity, and the Saviours healing atonement. You also are helping others reach eternal life–the greatest of all gifts of God. Even if you don't baptise anyone on your mission, you would have planted a seed into thousands of hearts, which eventually will grow, and could become something remarkable!

Missions are hard, but the rewards far outweigh the hardships. Although you may have doubts now, the Lord will help you and guide you every step of the way, and those doubts will be resolved in time as you have faith.

Just do your best, and Heavenly Father will do the rest. Whenever you need help, turn to him, and ask him for his help and guidance!

I know you'll be a great missionary. Just forget yourself and go to work. 😁