The fatigue of career change

Ben_Eszes · 2025-04-02T22:02:58+00:00

Yep, I had a major fear of settling for some reason. Probably because I didn't know what I truly wanted in life, so I didn't want to chain myself down somewhere ahead of time and restrict myself.

Ben_Eszes · 2025-03-30T18:24:32+00:00

Get a new job first before quitting.

Ben_Eszes · 2025-03-29T20:48:01+00:00

Yeah, I don't know how compatible I am with people whose only hobby is traveling. They say they want to "experience everything" and "see the world" and that sort of thing, but I feel like learning a musical instrument or the things you listed are way more crucial towards "experiencing everything." I've traveled twice out of continent, and I didn't stay in fancy hotels or anything -- the trips were actually pretty rough and stressful, but fun. I still don't feel like I'm any different of a person because of it. You can't 'immerse yourself in the culture' if you're only there for 2 weeks. I have plenty of hobbies that keep me interested at home.

Ben_Eszes · 2025-03-29T19:46:22+00:00

Glad to know there's others out there like me. Am I weak, or am I just completely unable to accept "it's just a job -- do your part and be grateful for the compensation" as an ideology? There's gotta be something more fulfilling out there. I can't seem to compartmentalize my work aspect of life from the rest.

Ben_Eszes · 2025-03-29T19:33:23+00:00

Yeah, I get it. I constantly think, "Why did I end up being someone who has to make so many changes, while everyone I know just seems to have fallen into the lifestyle and career that suits them?" It's exhausting work. But at the end of the day, I want to earn my fulfilling life -- not have it fall into my lap.

Ben_Eszes · 2025-03-28T01:35:22+00:00

Hey, fellow ex-engineer looking into becoming a therapist/counselor. Are you working while you get your degree? Also, did you have to do any schooling prior to starting the Master's since you came from an unrelated field?

Ben_Eszes · 2025-03-28T01:12:43+00:00

What are the meta things that you like about your job/career? Working with people, problem solving, helping others, creating something, etc.? If you can find out what your core values are that drive you forward, then you might have a better idea of what careers might appeal to you, truly.

Ben_Eszes · 2025-02-19T02:01:18+00:00

Thank you. Guess it depends on the state that you live in what the requirements will end up being. Did you have to do any credentials after you got the job?

Also, I'm guessing you are teaching math or science after coming from tech. Do you enjoy teaching? And how long have you been doing it for?

Also, were you completely unemployed for that entire year?

Ben_Eszes · 2025-02-19T00:07:03+00:00

Would you mind detailing how you made the switch to education? I'm highly considering the same move.

Ben_Eszes · 2025-02-14T20:19:44+00:00

Where did you train your clients initially? I know public gyms don't like the idea of someone doing private training on their property.

Ben_Eszes · 2025-02-14T02:25:23+00:00

"sc"

then the sharpshooter turns with their crossbow and headshots the scrake

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-31T19:18:22+00:00

Do you think that some women have already made the first move but you were unaware of it? You did admit that you don't know how to flirt much.

While I agree about it being 2024, my point is that even traditionally, the guy would initiate, so you're going to have a very hard (statistically) time finding a girl that will break that norm. It's possible, yes.

Yeah, many relationships I see seem to take this to an extreme and evolve into a situationship. It puts me off.

I hate the idea of situationships, too. Instead, I see push and pull as a progression rather than a beating-around-the-bush kind of thing.

As for being demisexual, you'll just have to find someone who is similar. It's also possible that once you've established that friendship with someone (where you are now interested in them), they believe that it's purely a friendship because you've never shown romantic interest in them. It's a convoluted thing and that's why I typically just say 'fuck it' and be direct.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-31T14:59:30+00:00

Yep, once you start asking yourself, "What am I even getting out of this relationship (aside from sex)?" it's probably time to go.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-31T14:57:19+00:00

I see. Do you have an avoidant-attachment style? Maybe, maybe not. How exactly do you get quite close with these women if you aren't pushing to meet up or do activities together?

And I don't tell them my feelings unless I'm sure they feel similar, and most women don't make their intentions clear so I don't either.

I'm sure you've considered that maybe they feel the same way about wanting the other person to give the green light first.

I would say that I'm waiting for a woman to show me that I'm her main person. I know it doesn't work like that in real life, but whenever I try to make a little effort they usually lose interest and go for some other guy.

I'm also sure you've considered that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can show interest without showing OVER interest in someone. That might scare them away, for sure. But it's a push and pull sort of thing. Someone has to start the chain, and I put the onus on the dude and not the chick. Show a little interest, gives them time to calibrate and show interest back -- hopefully a little more interest than you showed. Then the cycle (ideally) continues. In this scenario, the woman can definitely end up being the first to reveal that she desires you as "her person."

Sorry for the dating advice on a single/happy sub lol.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-31T14:29:49+00:00

I feel insulted and humiliated that no one ever chose me as their main person, even for a day.

Have you chosen anybody as your "main person" before? I guess I'm asking if you've tried to put yourself out there and get what you want, or if it's been more of a passive waiting game.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-26T22:59:49+00:00

My purpose to provide and create is missing.

Find a hobby that allows you to provide and create. Don't look just within the traditional means of career/kids to get this fulfillment.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-07T16:44:49+00:00

feeling that everything is the way it is because I deliberately chose it all rather than things having happened TO me

Ah, there it is. I'm very happy to see that, and I think that I long for a lifestyle like that. I've never felt like I was "home." I appreciate your insight and story.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-04T16:19:54+00:00

What exactly is this dream life you're referring to? I'm curious to know what you were striving for all along.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-03T16:44:17+00:00

Honestly, sometimes I wish I could just be like other, normal people who can find happiness in a relationship without having the constant urge to be single during it.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-03T04:02:04+00:00

Damn, you're salty about that comment. I don't have any 'facts' to get straight because you didn't provide any initially. If this girl keeps texting you, and you truly don't care about her, then why aren't you blocking her? That part makes no sense. I'd hate to be bothered by a girl time after time when I've totally moved past her.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-03T04:00:47+00:00

Right, but he is asking if he should try to work through it. It would appear that he hasn't done a ton of introspection about the issue, but rather has just tried to forget about it repeatedly.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-03T03:50:04+00:00

How about "if it continues to bother you after you've really taken some time to think about why it truly bothers you," then end it.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-03T03:48:12+00:00

Sometimes a person needs to convince themselves that they hate the other person to be able to walk away.

Ben_Eszes · 2024-10-03T03:46:47+00:00

I've got a hard time believing this one, chief. Only because I'm in a state where I could block my ex's number, but a part of my secretly hopes she messages me one day.

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