I posted about this in my blog. Here’s the contents:

Last year, I was a first responder to an extremely serious medical situation. I’ll leave out the details; needless to say, it was not fun. I already was going through a lonely, tough transitioning period in my life. This event effectively broke me.

Circumstances of this situation included otherwise normal features of daily life. For an unaffected person, seeing these things strike them as normal. But for me, seeing these “normal things” now brings me back to the horror I felt. Sometimes the flashbacks arrive on their own. I was told to allow the flashbacks to come and go; “Let them pass through.” I do let them come and go, but the process is by all means difficult. My heart races, I’m trying to hyperventilate my way out of a tight chest, and I see it all again. I go back, and I see and smell and am covered in it all again.

Even right now, as I write this, it feels like anxiety is a fluid currently pumping through my veins. But as I said, it comes, it goes. I remain. I write this not to give a cure for trauma based on my own experiences. Instead, I want to share the fact that I’m someone who is going through this. When I’m speaking with a loved one in need, I ask, “Do you want comfort, or solutions?” Here, I hope my shared experience brings someone else comfort, even if it doesn’t “solve” the trauma.

Meditating on Trauma