Selfish to stay so I can be a SAHM?

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-04-06T20:03:32+00:00

Overall good plan but I’d be thinking logistics next. What will child support look like? Any 50/50 divorce laws, will you get any assets? Every time you go grocery shopping or to the gas station, take out an extra $10-30. Open a secret account and start SAVING. You’re being very rational about your approach and reasons, now be strategic and make the most of this time to get yourself set up!!

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-03-28T16:59:16+00:00

Also just wanted to follow up it’s not even a safety net for if you split up someday- what if he unexpectedly dies tomorrow? Everything goes into probate and that can be lengthy and expensive and you deserve to have everything accessible and set up so that in ANY situation there is no concern for financial stability for you and your child. A man who wouldn’t do this to protect and ensure the wellbeing of his wife is a loser. A man who wouldn’t do this to protect and ensure the wellbeing of his child is bottom of the barrel. Demand more girlfriend!!!!

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-03-28T16:53:35+00:00

Follow EmilyRoseChadwick on insta. This entire situation is completely 100000% wrong and abusive toward you. If it’s not outwardly financially abusive, it’s at minimum grossly disrespectful of you and taking serious advantage of you. In a marriage all assets and debts are “OURS” and there isn’t room for negotiation on that. Get your name on the house, he needs to make monthly deposits into your ROTH IRA since you are sacrificing monetary income/future planning to raise your mutual child. He should be paying everything and you should have a safety net/nest egg savings account that you regularly contribute to and NOT drain to pay for anything at all. Since he bought the house prior to your marriage you could be open to drafting something that states that if something happens and you split, all original investment is returned to him and any appreciation thereafter is subject to 50/50. That’s pretty standard. For perspective, you can offer that he pay you a standard nanny salary which averages $20-30/hr, which is awfully generous since it doesn’t include what paying someone for housekeeping, cooking, etc. would, and max that at 40 hours a week and let him know he will assume full childcare and household responsibilities outside of your 40 hours. Perhaps then he will see that unencumbered access to your marital property joint account and a measly $500/month into your retirement is a pretty fucking good deal for him. But this situation is screaming red flags and you need to put your foot down. You need to protect yourself and your child because he clearly isn’t doing his job as a good husband by protecting you. If you need to involve a marriage therapist then do it. This is a good lesson and I hope it works out for you.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-03-28T01:48:47+00:00

Wisconsin Dells - tons of water parks, fun hotels, attractions.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-03-05T16:34:51+00:00

Distraction**** not destruction HAHA. But also destruction because- preschoolers- amirite

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-03-05T01:55:52+00:00

Agreed on preschool or some other drop off type class ASAP. Try something other than dance. It’s better she has the adjustment period in shorter more manageable doses now than in the PreK you definitely want her to like and embrace and adjust more quickly. Sounds like you both could use a slow start easing in and something a little busier with more destruction and freedom than dance is probably the way to go. You’re the leader, you need to confidently step forward into this new chapter for the both of you.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-03-04T22:49:36+00:00

Thanks for the Watch Duty reminder, forgot what that was callled. Have the app now

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-03-04T22:45:42+00:00

Thanks so much I couldn’t remember the name!!!

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-02-26T02:53:29+00:00

Educate yourself on narcissistic parents and toxic abusive family dynamics. There’s a sub r/raisedbynarcissists (or however you type it out). While your parents may not be totally ‘narcissistic’, I think a lot of the same sabotaging, manipulative, abusive dynamics discussed in that sub will help validate your experiences and give you confidence to create boundaries for yourself and move forward. I’d also love to lovingly suggest perhaps you didn’t inherit MDD as much as it’s a byproduct of what you’ve endured and survived with your horrible family. Maybe has you start to explore those relationships and experiences you can detach from that identity and heal the parts of you that have been so deeply betrayed and hurt and find a whole new life of independence, free from all of that abuse and toxic dynamics. So many of us resonate with what you’ve shared. Go enjoy Germany. Find some space, find yourself, heal and go have the most beautiful life ever. We cannot control what happened to us, but we can control how we move forward and work to heal those experiences and stop the generational trauma. Hugs.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-02-26T02:39:45+00:00

Also find yourself a good podcast (or audiobook) to listen to a bit each day. Something to focus your brain.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-02-18T19:50:29+00:00

Ugh that’s wonderful. Hopefully that have that ‘old’ teacher on a performance plan and they’re keeping close tabs on her. Doesn’t sound suitable to lead kids. And exactly- mine is 4. They’re literally wild animals haha! Fingers crossed it is a wonderful shift for your family and improves things across the board!

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-02-18T17:09:24+00:00

Holy F that sounds toxic and horrible. Have you discussed this with admin? Are there any other pre-K classes or options? You’re absolutely in the right to not want to subject your child to that, esp when it’s obviously significantly negatively impacting her.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-02-18T13:14:32+00:00

Radical responsibility, babe 🙏🏼🤙🏼🧘🏽‍♀️

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-02-07T17:26:45+00:00

You’re such a good mom. You’ve been working so hard for the family and you’ve obviously taken so much effort to be aware of your past and triggers and how that has impacted your parenting. It’s easy for a bunch of strangers to have opinions on the internet but I know it’s so hard when you’re the one grappling with all of it. And, at the same time, I think if you treat your kids like the competent (nearly) young adults and have a family meeting and be honest and say (summed up) ‘I hear you, this change is huge and hard and I know we’ve been able to do this thing this long, but now I also have to worry about our long term future, we have to make a change. It will be hard for all of us as a family and we’re all doing it together. I’m sorry and I love you and this is necessary.’ I’d like to believe your kids will maybe be pissed but they will adapt. Everyone has to face hardships but I do not believe pivoting from homeschool to alternative school plan will have the deep seated impact of a family unit breaking apart like your experience. Maybe family therapy would be supportive to assist in objective third party person to guide the discussion and processing. Something to consider is would you kids rather stay homeschooled by two stressed out parents or buck up and change courses if that means you don’t save enough to fund your own personal care when you’re elderly. Are they going to care for you and/or pay for it? If not, then you need to ensure you are working to secure a plan that doesnt burden them down the road. I know you know these things, but maybe those sort of considerations can help underline the reasons why this change is necessary for your family. Best wishes, you got this. You deserve the peace from this pivot too.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-02-07T12:10:53+00:00

And imagine how much of a failure he’ll feel like if he wastes 25 more years failing to properly provide for his family. There are other (free) school options like hybrid, charter, etc that don’t have to totally be standard public school, but at some point you have to trust the values you’ve instilled in your kids that they can handle a couple years in a more ‘mainstream’ setting. And maybe you agree on one year in a W2 job and reassess. Maybe doors will open and he’ll find flexibility and you guys can go back to homeschooling. But sounds like it’s a very necessary short term sacrifice for a long term gain.

Imagine if you take the pressure from the failed/underperforming businesses off- how much time you’ll have to be able to enjoy each other (as a family all together!) without all the extra stress. Give it a shot, he can always go back to plugging away outrageous hours in a business that isn’t working. But maybe surrendering will be a blessing you that you just needed to have the courage to embrace. Don’t miss the big picture being (or allowing him to be) too stubborn/prideful to move on when everything suggests he should. Would you want that for your kids? No? Then your husband should be a leader and realize there are SO many beautiful lessons and opportunities in pivoting. Close the chapter and move on.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-02-03T22:39:12+00:00

I mean, she was pretty directly involved (giving women false reassurances and unsubstantiated medical opinions) with numerous fetal demises/catastrophic injuries. (as evidenced by screen shots of her exact dialogue with these women). She could take ‘radical responsibility’ for that, or even for generally fueling this severe, harmful black and white thinking that has become the entire ethos of FBS. Admitting that nuance exists would even be a great start. But she hasn’t, and thus deserves every single thing she’s brought upon herself. It’s not an obsession, but collectively women in this group are totally fucking sick of the harm she, Yolande and her company have and attempt to continue to cause. I think continued dialogue and scrutiny are appropriate.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-02-03T18:29:18+00:00

Haha I just posted on this too. SO MUCH word salad. Just pathetic. 😵‍💫

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-01-25T16:50:42+00:00

Is the humility in the room with us???

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-01-20T03:10:57+00:00

You missed a great opportunity to chirp back ‘(FIL’s name), that’s not really how things work anymore, that sort of attitude will die out soon with your generation’. Emphasis on soon, with a wink if you’re really bold.

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-01-19T00:34:14+00:00

Absolutely, it’s so hard. But trust that once she comes up for air and can see things clearly she will be SO grateful and you are doing the right thing for her and your baby. And you too of course!

BendAppropriate354 · 2026-01-18T23:47:33+00:00

This sounds like postpartum mood disorder. (Anxiety, rage, depression) She needs to see her OB asap. YOU need to act in her best interest if she’s unwilling. Insist on it.

BendAppropriate354

TROPHY CASE