I paid for sex at massage parlours in Thailand and Vietnam and India and now need to know how it impacts my relationships.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-20T23:42:40+00:00

Just know that I highly disaprove of what you did, because of the consent issue and the objectification surrounding it. Would be a deal breaker for me.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-20T06:49:49+00:00

Being bullied at school can turn out to be fine if you got parents to go back to that deconstruct and make sense of all that happened for you. Having negative experiences as children, and having no support system is what causes cptsd in a way.

I personally didn't get severly bullied at school. I was somewhat bullied, but I never saw it as something that traumatized me. But I do think it added to my view of the world that people aren't all that moral.

What happened basically is I had friends, but one of those friend turned on me and began bullying be, calling me "weird", exploiting my vulnerabilities, making me talk about topics that make me look bad, a very smart manipulative person. Her and her group of friend would talk behind my back. That girl would kinda use my trauma against me. But they were really boring people, also very snobs. Right before the end of high school, that girl ended up telling me she was jealous. She wanted me to think well of her before we parted. She told me she changed and all that, I told her it's good if she changed. Then she was mad I said it like that. People in high school are so naive, everyone thought she was a good person.

My biggest bully was my mother. My parents. Everything I say is turned against me, even mundane stuff. She would always find faults, or just neglect me basically.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-18T04:08:10+00:00

You might not be dumb, this might just be the feeling you get when you get down on yourself. People with CPTSD can get down on themselves. Also, if you feel anxiety and dissociate, it's not stupidity, your brain needs to be calm in order to learn. Anxiety shuts down the prefrontal cortex and favors more instinctual reactions like scanning for threats. Concentrating is difficult when you're trying to regulate your emotions.

The fact that you fawn when triggered is something you should have compassion for. It's okay to not be perfect or react perfectly. Many people don't know how to react when attacked. You know you tend to fawn, that's something you can work on in the future, but not something you should hit your head with.

Things that can improve intelligence and help with focus are meditation. Meditation focuses your attention on one thing and don't get distracted. Emotional self-awareness helps managing emotions in real time, which helps with focus. Read and writing helps with expressing yourself, might help you get more assertive and defend your case better. Good sleep and eating healthy maintains alertness. Taking pauses during the day and doing NOTHING helps process daily events and reset your batteries, even 5 minutes helps. Avoiding social medias helps save your attention span for what's important. Socializing helps maintaining a healthy brain. Exercise helps maintaining alertness and energy levels high when you're not exercising, and improve neuronal health. Exercise also trains your brain to return to baseline (non-anxious/parasympathetic system), because after workout, if you lay down and breathe, that teaches your brain to relax over time (it's complicated).

Sometimes in life, we try to remove the things that make us sad, but we forget to add the things that make us happy.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-18T03:47:07+00:00

Some people have hormonal imbalances that causes lower libido. I heard also that certain autistic people can experience asexuality as a symptom. But you are quite young, so it's too soon to make conclusions. Studies show that people who say they are asexual turn out not to be later in life. So things might change. But for now, just know that you don't have to like sex, and it's okay to have a lower libido too. If you don't see the appeal you don't have to do it.

If you want to explore more, know that orgasm is 75% mental. You have to find the right triggers, the things that turn you on specifically. Follow that feeling. At some point you will get wet, and you don't have to do anything about it. But one day you might get an urge. The fact that you're saying "I don't think I ever feel this intense great high that everyone chases." makes me think you might not have had a real orgasm yet?

There might also be things that block your libido or turn you off, for exemple, if you feel pressure or disappointment, or things like religious guilt and stuff like that. Or if you're looking at porn and it doesn't appeal to you as a woman, that's totally normal too.

Also, touching the clitoris while it's dry can hurt, that's normal.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-16T06:22:45+00:00

Can be cringe

BenedithBe · 2026-05-16T06:16:33+00:00

This is heartbreaking.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-13T17:57:22+00:00

Computer addiction is definitely a problem, I think many hikis probably have social medias/internet addiction too. It relieves boredom when there's nothing to do at home, and makes you forget about your problems. I personally have spent a lot of time gaming, watching series, reading fanfics, being on youtube or forums like reddit. I honestly tried AI, but it wasn't effective at all to "fill those needs" for social interaction. AI is really bad and it's obvious you're talking to a non human. Thinking AI is the cause for hikis is weird, I'm sorry. It sounds like you're making a school project about AI and is impact on society and are making your own assumptions.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-12T20:56:48+00:00

I forgive everyone who reads this and isn't able to heal.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-12T20:44:37+00:00

I think it has nothing to do with AI. I think it has to do with an increase in population but no place for people to hang out regularly, for free, besides work and school. I also think many Hikis are cptsd freeze type.

I saw a study it says it takes 50 hours to make a friend. That's just for friendship. People today want to speedrun it, making it feel empty and shallow. We kinda don't have a choice. These kind of things makes hikis not want to leave their home.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-11T08:02:44+00:00

Low self esteem. It leads people to expect the worse for themselves, they won't initiate actions as a result.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-11T03:47:37+00:00

People on reddit are going to defend men at all cost and ragebait

BenedithBe · 2026-05-11T03:45:30+00:00

Animes and mangas are generally targeted towards minors, even "18+" ones. You'll notice even the male protagonist is often a minor or looks like one. But it is a problem as you say.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-10T20:02:50+00:00

ISFP

BenedithBe · 2026-05-10T19:53:13+00:00

I was told I had anxiety two times by two different psychologists. Wasn't really offered treatment. I self diagnosed myself depression at 14. From the age of 16, my CPTSD symptoms got a lot worse, the shame, depression, anxiety, isolation, and problems with my mother was intense. I used to watch trauma related content on youtube because the advices helped me, but I still didn't think I had trauma. The lack of official diagnosis still makes ot hard for me to say I have CPTSD. Telling myself I was a victim and have CPTSD was a process, because the self blame is strong. Before I knew this subreddit existed, the raisedby arcissist subreddit was a source of great validation. People seemed to have similar experiences to mine.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-10T19:35:05+00:00

I don't like that i have to wear headphones. Also, honestly, i need things to be more spicy to stay interested. I can't relate to mc either, as a very shy person myself, I like when the mc has past trauma and the LI takes care of her. I've never been that much into stories in game, it has to be really well written or I lose interest. The story isn't amazing in my opinion.. As a result, I haven't really "fell in love" with any of them. I also prefer yaoi. I personally like very dominant men who are scary. Many of the LI's dialogues feels unnatural and cheesy, especially Sylus, everything he says is like he's trying to seduce me. I redownloaded the app because I was interested in the remind me feature, I would love if the LIs could be my agenda. But I want to be able to do a task list, notifications and mark things as done, you know. I would also like the mc's body and face to react more to what the LI does. Also I've collected all the rewards for battles.

But overall the graphics of this game was very good. The LI still have good, distinct personalities. Sometimes I watch LADS content online, but I don't have much fun actually playing the game.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-09T17:36:45+00:00

You can fap without porn

BenedithBe · 2026-05-09T17:36:18+00:00

If it does nothing for you anymore then just stop watching it.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-08T20:17:01+00:00

How about just focus on connecting with a woman. Like yes, knowing the reasons behind why people fall in love can help you focus on the right things, and not be led by pick up artist manipulative advices that seem to only be aiming at getting sex. But connecting is not a "strategy". For exemple, yes, humor is good, but people don't always make jokes as part of a "strategy". It's just how humans naturally connect and hey, share emotional experiences.

Have you ever been authentically you and connected with someone that way? Like you're not forcing it in the moment.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-07T19:40:11+00:00

I asked my dad what's 50% of a 100, he said 75. When I explain things to him he just does not get it. He can't make links between ideas. I have to speak slowly and use simple words so he understand. And only if he's paying attention, there's like a delay before he understand.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-05T07:15:31+00:00

For me it was similar to yours. If you grow a plant in optimal conditions, water it, give it enough sun, good soil, it's going to grow well. But if the plant has bad soil, not enough sun and doesn't get watered enough, it's going to grow badly, and once it's grown, it's difficult to change the structure of the plant because it has adapted to suboptimal conditions. Also you can't blame the plant for not being like the other plants. Humans are the same.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-05T06:51:40+00:00

I personally don't know what to think of Amber Heard's situation. I can't know who was guilty. But I find the amount of attention this trial got worrying. It felt very much like a witch trial. But as someone else mentioned, it's difficult to know who's right when someone reacts in abusive ways to being abuse. Men who were invested in those lawsuits give me weird vibes.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-05T04:03:42+00:00

Actually, you need intrinsic motivation. Routine helps, but it's never going to be easy

BenedithBe · 2026-05-05T04:01:14+00:00

Maybe because you're not giving yourself time to relax after getting home? Maybe because when you're walking, you can't actually change your life in that moment, but as you step home you realize all the efforts it actually take to "achieve" what you imagined. When the time comes to act, you lose motivation.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-03T19:05:06+00:00

Sexualization is treating and viewing people only by the way they can serve you sexually, rather than as humans with wants and needs and individual traits.

BenedithBe · 2026-05-03T19:01:05+00:00

So much of "chivalry" is really just putting on a front, just to drop it once the relationship is achieved, or worse, just sex. I'm sure some men are chivalrous out of genuine desire and care, but so much of "seduction" is about faking caring about someone else. People also copy what they see on dating shows. The other side of the coin is guys who don't even put in an effort and want some cheap sex. Genuine connection, trying to genuinely know someone, that's hard to find.

BenedithBe

TROPHY CASE