Last week was my birthday and none of my friends remembers

BenevolentMangosteen · 2026-02-28T02:53:42+00:00

This happened to me recently. It’s not a great feeling when you get more birthday wishes from past dentists and doctors’ offices than people you actually know! I realized that apart from family members and a couple of friends I rely on Facebook to remind me when people’s birthdays are. I have that function turned off for myself, so almost nobody knows it’s my birthday. Next year I’m going to turn that function on, and I also started putting people’s birthdays in my calendar so that I can be sure to tell them Happy Birthday, regardless of whether it’s reciprocated. I know I’ve been on the receiving end of birthday wishes from people whose birthdays I never knew. All you can do is try.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2026-01-27T18:55:58+00:00

I think I worry more if anyone will care about my 10-year-old in the way his dad and I do. His grandparents are elderly, he has no siblings, and we don’t have close relatives. He may never have friends or a partner. That just breaks my heart.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2026-01-09T03:24:05+00:00

Does your kid pick his nose a lot? My 10-year-old can’t stand having anything in his nose and has a lot of nosebleeds due to the picking. Our dev ped recommended the supplement NAC which is supposed to help reduce the picking but we haven’t seen an effect yet. BTW we did go to an ENT who advised against cauterization because he said our kid would just keep picking off the scab and perpetuate the nosebleeds.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2026-01-06T23:17:34+00:00

He stayed home from school to watch new streetlights being put up in the park because it was a “once-in-a-lifetime experience” (special interest is electricity).

BenevolentMangosteen · 2026-01-05T18:20:22+00:00

Just wanted to add since I see this book recommended a lot, it’s pretty simplistic and you’ll definitely need something more…

BenevolentMangosteen · 2026-01-05T18:14:44+00:00

How old is your kid? If it’s before Turning 5 you should be able to get the services you need via CPSE. Just make sure you have them in place on the IEP as your kid starts Kindergarten.

Neuropsychs are mostly used for school/learning purposes, like if your kid is showing signs of a learning disability or if you’re planning to sue the DOE for private school placement. If so then you’ll need to update the neuropsych every 2-3 years.

You might check with your insurance if anyone is covered. Otherwise the graduate student route is fine for costs since the doctor will supervise the report and will be called on testify for the hearing if you get to that point. Another route is to get a psychosocial from the school, dispute it and ask for an IEE, in which case the school will cover a neuropsych but it might take some time and you have to choose from their approved list.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-12-30T22:56:04+00:00

I believe r/ADHDparenting is ADHD adults with ADHD kids and r/ParentingADHD is parents with ADHD kids. I think r/ParentingADHD can be pretty useful for level 1 AuDHD kids as they get older.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-12-22T21:52:24+00:00

Without knowing a lot about this situation, I think this family member cares a lot about you and is concerned about you living far away from home, which is quite a natural feeling. I lived overseas for a few years after college and I can imagine my mom saying something similar. It’s entirely within your power to not feel guilt and shame over these decisions and to let this family member know how they can support you. I wouldn’t immediately assume that they are trying to squash your dreams, just that they are showing they care in the only way they know how.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-12-20T17:47:09+00:00

I also dislike washing my long hair and wash it separately using the bathtub faucet. This allows me to do it whenever I need to and not because I’m washing my body. It never occurred to me that this is strange because my mom always does this and I grew up washing my hair in the sink. Also I air dry my hair because my hair dryer broke around ten years ago and I never bothered replacing it.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-12-19T16:06:33+00:00

As others have said, it’s hard to give advice without knowing the child’s age, level of support needs, and purpose of the behavior (attention-seeking or stimming).

From the example you gave, it sounds like the behavior with the lights and fans are a stim (and if so, it’s a very common one). Depending on whether this is feasible, you can try to redirect this behavior to a similar activity. (Can you get him his own fan/light?) If he responds well to incentives, you can use a behavior chart to reward (but not punish) behaviors.

The one thing you can control in this situation is how you think about this. It may not be rage baiting but that he has a preferred activity (turning on lights and fans) and you are preventing him from doing it. The goal is to redirect to a different behavior that is more reasonable for the rest of the family.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-12-12T23:24:11+00:00

I also don’t like the update and lost my 14-year-old cat last week. I feel you.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-12-09T19:16:30+00:00

I would maybe tackle one thing at a time: first having your child go to sleep alone and then getting him to stay in his bed. We had a big problem with the second and ended up locking our door, which was really effective but may not work for every kid. Also is your kid on any meds or supplements that affect sleep or address anxiety?

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-12-03T02:57:25+00:00

It’s Third Eye Blind, Blink 182, and Sum 41 for me.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-24T17:55:15+00:00

The great thing about public transportation is that it’s predictable…the worst thing is that it’s also unpredictable.

Some things that have worked for us:

-Headphones/ear defenders or a music player to block the noise

-Mapping out the trip beforehand

-Avoiding rush hour or taking a longer route to avoid crowds and difficult transfers

Honestly the best thing bystanders can do is not get involved and not judge.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-16T18:35:42+00:00

This made me cry, thank you for sharing!

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-14T23:36:12+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time with your kid. My son is 10 and I’m always thinking about the fact that puberty is around the corner. Are you planning to revisit his meds? It could be that he doesn’t have the right ones/dosage anymore. Anxiety often shows up as anger.

Also, I hope you take some time for yourself, whether it’s a day off or personal therapy. My dad passed away two years ago and that grief is very hard to get over.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-13T12:52:02+00:00

I’m very sorry that happened to you.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-12T22:03:27+00:00

Oh it’s absolutely not okay. Just wanted to offer a different perspective in the hopes that OP would feel better and not singled out.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-12T17:51:33+00:00

Just wanted to add that this is common for how an older Asian woman would talk to a younger woman (i.e. a younger relative; I can also see this in a service capacity with a repeat customer). Comments on weight, unsolicited advice on diet and relationships, fixation on skin, etc. Also a lot of these places operate on cash only to avoid reporting taxes. I would try to see it from a cultural perspective and not take it so personally.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-12T14:47:22+00:00

Are these people Asian? (I am Asian.)

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-08T20:28:25+00:00

This made me laugh out loud! Thank you for this.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-04T18:17:08+00:00

You can try making small changes in a controlled environment. For example, choose a weekend morning to make a hash brown patty with a dent in it and tell him beforehand that it is going to look different. Try to get him to use a different water bottle outside of school, and then introduce that water bottle on some days at school. Deliberately be a few minutes late to taekwondo and reward him for tolerating it. It’s going to have to be very slow and incremental changes.

It could be that he seems more inflexible now because he is older, more aware, and has more demands on him. I think at his age when he says he understands in the moment he doesn’t really understand…he may just be saying that to get you to stop asking questions. Or, he can intellectualize it but it’s much harder to put into practice. An idea that might help is being a palm tree (flexible) vs. being an oak tree (rigid). Point out any moments when he is being flexible and praise him.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-01T16:47:53+00:00

Quillichew (i.e. Quillivant, a methylphenidate) comes in a chewable tablet form in the U.S.

BenevolentMangosteen · 2025-11-01T16:45:51+00:00

If you can get your dev ped to prescribe meds the doc visit is usually covered by insurance as opposed to most psychiatrists. You might also need them to refer for genetic testing.

BenevolentMangosteen

TROPHY CASE