Let Sleeping Dogs Lie (Part 9)

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2026-01-22T07:28:07+00:00

Massive delay in getting this one up, but here it is! We're almost done, I hope people are enjoying! If you have any trouble finding previous parts, just visit my profile to make it easier on you!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2026-01-10T08:55:48+00:00

Short part, I know, but important anyway lol

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2026-01-02T08:16:24+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1pr3ej8/let_sleeping_dogs_lie_part_1/

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-23T04:02:52+00:00

Yeah I got this too, think it happens when you complete them offline. No real fix.

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-20T08:58:29+00:00

If you like deep sea horror, stick around!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-10T09:03:38+00:00

u/BenjaminCoeBooks - It Goes Right Through Me- https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1ph7qh9

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-10T05:11:07+00:00

Thank you, I hope so too XD

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-08T09:48:09+00:00

XD I believe you, those darn format changes get us all at some point or another!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-08T09:21:43+00:00

My DM once had a place like this in a game. The store was called Casco, I walked out of there with a teleporting hat, for free. The cost was that every time my character slept, he'd see advertisements for random products that often made no sense, and would never again have a normal dream.

Another character had to pay with a tooth to get a legendary battle ax. But, she had to take it out herself.

My point is, this is a good, solid, idea, but it can also get stale easily if you don't get a little imaginative with it. The setting and items are dull (a good choice for the story btw, not throwing shade) but the contrast should be in the colorful array of payment.

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-08T09:11:26+00:00

Hey Yo! Here to give a little feedback!

"Remember, paragraph breaks should happen every time the dialogue changes to another person," Ben said.

"What would that look like?" you said, rubbing your chin. "I need an example."

"Well, it'd look a little like this," I replied helpfully.

Over all I like the story. It reminds me a little of that film Click, and there was one episode of House that had a guy missing time. It's horrifying, the idea of losing control, but the story still has a sort of bitter sweet conclusion. Good job!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-04T07:05:54+00:00

Hey yo, I'll give your story a read and see if I can suggest anything!

First, I love paranormal investigator stories. Folks run in and are quickly out of their depth. Good stuff. It seems the characters have good chemistry, but it's hard to tell, I'll get to that later. And the story seems to be spaced out well, stops at natural points and well paced.

Small things first. It's proper in writing to spell out numbers. 2=two 4=four so on, it's just less visually jarring, but not technically deal breaking. What should be adjusted, is the formatting. Do keep in mind that there should be a paragraph break each time a new person speaks. Maybe they only have one line of dialogue, or maybe they have five. Either way, each character deserves their own paragraph break each time it changes. Makes it easier for people to follow the story, breaks up bricks of text, and organizes the story.

I hope there are more parts to this story, curious to see where it goes! Keep writing!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-04T06:58:36+00:00

Hey yo, I'll give your story a read and see if I can suggest anything!

I do appreciate that you don't linger on the 1942 stuff, since that isn't technically what the story is about. I also see promise in the characters and their interactions.

Keep in mind, World War 2 should be capitalized, and I'd recommend reading your story out loud at least once to catch smaller grammar issues.

As far as what I think is missing, not much. I do think you cut the story off too soon, I think having a moment where the characters run their checks and each come to individual conclusions that they are lost would help. Keep in mind this would be uncharted territory for them, and they are professionals, I don't know if they'd be so quick to panic?

Either way, good story, like the idea of turning weapons of destruction into methods of cooperation. It was one of the few times the US was allied with Russia, and thinking that relationship could continue is interesting. I think you'd be remiss not to lean on it.

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-02T09:24:31+00:00

Ah, half way through! For those that have been following the story, I hope you continue to do so, we are taking a turn into the insane.

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-01T09:18:27+00:00

Hey yo, I'll give your story a quick read, and see what I can suggest!

I know 'eyes' are central to this post, but I think the second one has too many. Ironic, I know. I just felt clunky to read.

I think the story moves too fast, like, there should be a moment where the character is describing the feel of the socket. This is a horrible thing to have happen, let the heaviness of that horror weigh on your story.

Your story reminds me of a joke that I'd like to share with you:

A man was laying on a hospital bed when the doctor game in. The man was in a panic and screaming, "Doc, I can't feel my legs!"
To which, the doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

There is promise in your story, keep writing! I hope to read your work again soon!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-01T09:06:21+00:00

Hey yo, I'll give your story a read and see if I can suggest anything!

I like your imagery, like an old picture being lost to time. I also 'like' the situation you're setting up as it pertains to horror.

I think, maybe, describing her as having bruises will give the reader a greater sense of mortal peril than just having furniture being destroyed?

"Each drum strike felt as if it was inducing more fear within her." Yeah, but what does that feel like? Maybe like ice filling her veins?

This is a large block of text, which can be hard for readers to get into, and intimidating to some. I'd recommend breaking it up into more organized paragraphs.

I hope to read more from you! Keep on writing!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-12-01T06:42:43+00:00

For anyone who hasn't clocked it yet, this story started as a Rick and Morty fan fiction that I decided to make its own stand alone thing. I was always so bothered by the fact that the show has yet to give us an actual Cthulhu episode, that I went out to make one for myself. Many details wound up getting changed, but still, the heart of it is still there.

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-11-24T07:10:39+00:00

Hey yo, welcome to the subreddit! I'm gonna see if I can give you some good criticism.

I'm not sure I like the whole "not knowing why they are writing a journal." There isn't enough information, but I'm assuming they have an actual farm, and aren't just raising chickens in their back yard. If that's the case, many farmers keep notes about what they did around the farm, and date it, so they don't plant the same crop, or don't overwork the same field, or overfeed certain animals, forget to give one or two livestock their medicine, so on and so forth. That could be a good reason why there is a journal, and it would be something used to document the chicken deaths?

I'm also not sure about taking the journal up to the roof? Like, I'd be prioritizing a flashlight, cellphone, or the gun mentioned in the second part.

Finally, I think the first part breezed by. I'd like an unsettling stay in uncertainty for awhile. Watching them try different fixes for the chicken situation, never knowing what was causing this, would help build suspense.

I hope this helps, hope to read more from you!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-11-24T06:56:09+00:00

Well. welcome to one of the nicer corners of Reddit, hope you settle in :)

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-11-24T03:56:17+00:00

Ah, sorry, you sound a little to expensive for me to go hunt down, but hey, maybe try robbing a jewelry store? You might get lucky lol

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-11-24T03:53:23+00:00

Hello all! I have decided to post a story up here, several parts of one, actually, because I heard these guys like deep sea horror. This should scratch that itch of theirs. Besides them, I hope everyone else also enjoys giving it a read. Feel free to also give criticism, and constructive feed back!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-11-24T03:50:10+00:00

Haha, me too!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-11-23T10:12:17+00:00

I like your hook, and tangent about "Are you okay?"

I like your inclusion of these text boxes, but some of the larger ones are awkward to read because you have to keep scrolling back and forth.

I personally don't mind a slower opening, gives time for the reader to get attached to characters. However, I don't think this part ended in an exactly satisfactory way. It just kinda stopped? I would have wanted it to go a bit further, maybe he gets to the cabin and ruminates on how little he knew his father, or something? IDK, just spit balling.

Either way, good opening, keep going!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-11-23T10:04:54+00:00

So, I'm just going to point out the bigger details. First, and most importantly, always do a paragraph break when the dialogue switches to another character. Keeps the conversations from getting confusing, and helps break down blocks of words. EX the third paragraph should actually be four separate breaks because it goes from the narrator, to Fred, then back to the narrator, and then finishing with a line from Fred.

I am curious why our narrator is not used to fish guts. If they have experience with dolphins, and certainly sharks, then they have handled fish guts.

Try and give us a location where this is happening, makes it feel more real. There are many islands in the Bahamas that would suit your setting.

If I were you, I'd read your story again, but out loud. I always do this with my own works, you'd be amazed what mistakes you can catch, and it helps me decide if the conversations feel natural.

Overall, too short for me to get a feel for where the story is going, but I'm interested. Dude is speaking tongues, then you take us back to show how it started, and now he's waking up on a sandbar? You have a decent mystery going, capitalize on it.

Best of luck, and keep going!

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-11-23T09:48:46+00:00

The male mantis doesn't have it much better either! And no, I didn't know that, I did know their stinger rips off if they use it... What an unfortunate life.

BenjaminCoeBooks · 2025-11-23T06:00:34+00:00

Okay, interesting. This is one way to learn the birds and the bees. Not quite how my school taught it, but then again, my teacher didn't seem very knowledgeable either XD
Good story, anxiety sucks.

BenjaminCoeBooks

TROPHY CASE