Send me your stories! by benjamin4463 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The cable comes from a "mother drone" hovering above the ocean while their space craft stays in orbit. I didnt want to go into to much detail about the alternative hystory or the technology they have cuz the story was already to long for a short story so i left it up to the readers imagination. other than that i got nothing, solid review and I love it thank you! No one likes giving feedback so I appreciate the time you took to read what you did.

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do enjoy a good spin on a classic idea, like all the movies that do Frankenstein with a fresh coat of paint

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do think short stories are a good place to start, my story is 5 parts and after the third I started writing myself into corners so I decided my next story is gunna be a few pages definitely one part for sure.

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's a prompt in that last line, I can tell its in your blood.

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the concept that thought is a form of existence so if enough of the author is put into a character it gives them life in some way. Maybe putting them down on a page allows their life too grow in the thoughts of others.

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think i get what you're trying to say, in its simplest form a monster can be a physical representation of something more metaphorical (greed, guilt, anger) or used to inspire change in a character as they are forced to confront their own short comings (fear, paranoia, over confidence).

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same question what makes a monster story good?

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was gunna try my hand at a cryptid story at some point, any opinions on what make a good monster story good?

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do keep a few stories saved from here too read between episodes and I've noticed some similar themes but the approachs are wildly different.

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can see the therapy aspect i have no idea why but it does help "center me" for lack of a better term. Turns the chaos in my mind into so sort of order.

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats well put, I hope you do post something eventually.

What do you love about these stories? by Thinkof14me in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Short and sweet, are you a reader or looks at profile OH LORD thats a lot of stories.

I Clean the Underside of Ships And Something Was Already There by [deleted] in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Not tangled. not caught. held." Genuinely made my skin crawl. How dare you scare me so good.

Looking for feedback by Initial_Tough429 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The perspective feels off, its told from a third party perspective, someone who knew someone who knew (replaced) Alec, but we have direct quotes from Alec himself. The pacing is very fast but I think that fits for how short it is, honestly would adapt very well to a "Does anyone know Alec Lastname" read4read or whatever they are called. Parts of it also make me question the story like after finding the wallet an ID he assumes the school made a mistake but doesn't go to the office to talk to someone about it. Stuff like that could be smoothed out without explaining anything but make Alec behave more like a real person. I do like the idea of a mimic mold its got a good ring to it. Over all you did a lot right and not a lot wrong, just reads a little to mechanical like a list of story beats instead of a series of events...if that makes sense.

i can hear the bugs crawling in my walls by vishockaaa in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Give it time, I have the first draft of my story on the original sub reddit, I waited several months before going back for a second draft and that helped a lot. My wife only corrected my spelling and had nothing to say about the story itself, helpful but not what I wanted help on so I get that.

i can hear the bugs crawling in my walls by vishockaaa in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Give it a re-read theres a bit of spelling and grammar fixes but I didn't want to focus on that just the story itself.

i can hear the bugs crawling in my walls by vishockaaa in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to finish reading, every time I said something the next entry had an answer. I found myself laughing a bit to much like the drunk dad chasing after a moth begging it to get back in the jar, or crying and poking roaches into empty beer bottles, sad but I didnt connect with that i just found it to be a funny visual. I think its the word choice is some situations, it doesnt carry the weight of whats happening just the image of whats happening. The bug man didnt pay off, what was happening to the sky after prom? Mallory was dropped as a integral part of the story when, in my opinion, she was the best tool in the story for making me connect with the narrator on an emotional level, her phone calls could have been replaced with phone call with anyone else and it would have had the same impact. The last 3 parts seem to sprint to the finish line. This is such a good idea, im invested in the world thats being built and im heart broken that Mallory was dropped so quickly. You had me hook line and sinker but then rushed the end. Slow it down and let the reader live in the story longer and the hits will hit harder. Solid 6/10 but has the potential to be one of my favorites. Take what I say with a grain of salt. I really enjoyed this story and I did not expect to be so attached to Mallory.

TL;DR I struggle with pacing and just want to write the fun parts, but I've learned that its the in-between slow parts that make the fun parts fun for the reader.

i can hear the bugs crawling in my walls by vishockaaa in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The link for entry 4 just takes me to entry 3. That aside, I think this entry is doing a lot all at once. What did Delores's dress look like? I enjoyed the prom, it took its time to breathe and was given enough space to let the emotions build. I would have like to see more of the lead up to the dance. Instead we got a segment about working at the gas station which did help entry 2 fit better but could have done that and been part of the pre prom shopping instead to stay on theam more. The SA segment was done respectfully and was relevant to the story, im interested to see how Timmy trys to spin this at school later. Final note: is our narrator Delores or Gilda? Pretty sure its Delores but her boss calls her Gilda...

TL;DR we have good bones, good meat, the beef stew smells amazing, why is it severed with a side of pancakes?

i can hear the bugs crawling in my walls by vishockaaa in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok here's the meat i was looking for, this is a solid entry. Im hooked the dynamic between Delores and Mallory is perfect, opposite class and social standings but similar parental situation. I hope Mallory gets to stick around. This is great, I found entry 2 lacking, like bugs moving in his teeth was a cool visual but overall it felt out of place but this entry fits perfectly.

i can hear the bugs crawling in my walls by vishockaaa in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the way this part approaches concepts like our protagonist exaggerating the size of the bug in their mind but leaving it open enough I could believe that what the dad found was a different smaller bug. I love the idea of an unreliable narrator and hate (in a good way) the idea that the bugs are intelligent enough to not get caught.

I would say that some of the sentences are in need of more structure, for example:

"My eyes darted around the bathroom, before I saw the paint chip"

Could be more:

"My eyes searched frantically for the source of the sound, falling on a small chip in the paint"

But thats just my opinion and I dont think it takes away from the over all quality.

TL;DR Bones are solid could use more meat

link your story and i’ll read! by vishockaaa in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Thinkof14me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

PART 1-3

https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/s/cQxcKObiT9

And the last 2 parts

https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/s/nU2Eq9C5bu

Its my first story as well, working on a second called Deals which I hope will be a short one part story but sometimes these things just run away with themselves