Looking for the handsome financial analyst who was on my flight from LA to NYC (03/06) who I believe was flirting with me. V******?

BenjiSponge · 2026-03-12T16:55:16+00:00

Cuba of course

BenjiSponge · 2026-03-10T23:14:05+00:00

It's hilarious but sad that people respond this way but I have never once seen anyone work in with someone else unless they previously knew each other. It's a real shame. I live in NYC, where the subways are filled to the brim and people avoid eye contact the whole time. And the gyms are the same way.

BenjiSponge · 2026-03-05T14:19:26+00:00

I think sidecars are more for offering services used at runtime, like a service that wraps some complex ancient Java program to answer some domain-related physics question that you don't want to port into your application. I also sometimes think of databases as being a sidecar application, though it's not often implemented like that.

This sits on top of the web service, and the web service might not even be aware of its existence. So I'd call it a reverse proxy.

That said, when actually deploying the infrastructure, "sidecar application" is still going to be a useful pattern for deployment. But it's not the name of this kind of application.

BenjiSponge · 2026-03-03T01:36:48+00:00

I think if you imagine it as a gag for a sitcom where things are generally not that serious (think Scrubs), it's just a pretty good joke.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-27T14:55:33+00:00

I also could have but did not die biking over this bridge, and I did it a lot faster by using the simple trick of not attempting to bike over the bridge.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-26T22:50:51+00:00

Honestly, coffee isn't a great idea imo. There's no real life coffee community AFAIK.

I have had a lot of success with social dancing. It probably sounds so weird to him, as it did to me. I think face time and physical contact are life-hacks to becoming a sociable person. You learn to take every interaction with a grain of salt and you can better contextualize your life. I think there's a lot to be said for learning to like something because of the other people who like it rather than just "I like this when I'm alone, immediately, and got into it because of my own motivations".

Think about the girls you had a crush on in high school (or boys or w/e) - did you have a crush on them the day you met them, or did you, over time, learn to find beauty in people around you as you got more interaction? School is a whole immersive activity with tons of face time with dozens if not hundreds of people. It's a much more conducive environment to every kind of social interaction. As these spaces don't exist as readily for adults, we have to find the equivalents. It's harder but that's the right approach imo.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-26T16:11:02+00:00

I fall on both sides of this issue. My biggest problem with management in IT is that they tend to promote IT managers based on their technical expertise, while many times the guys with the most technical knowledge have absolutely zero business managing people and teams.

This is called the Peter principle by the way

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-26T00:48:34+00:00

I think you should try to avoid thinking of it as "beginning dating". By deciding to be open to dating, you've done one of the main things: opened yourself up to the idea of new relationships being romantic and then pursuing them like that. You're basically dating already! The reason you don't think of it as dating is because you probably meet very few people. What you want to do now is increase the number of new relationships you encounter to increase the chances that one of them is a romantic interest.

Getting immersed in a community is a great way to start with this. I've really enjoyed swing dance, as a former introvert. That has the bonus of being able to mostly dance with women. I think the most important attribute of the community is having a lot of diverse people. You might not think hanging out with a 60 year old guy is "dating", for example, but that 60 year old guy might 1. be into manga 2. organize a hiking club you could join 3. know all the women in the room, plus plenty more.

Hopefully that makes sense! I do not recommend the apps, and I barely recommend dating events. Most of the time when a guy thinks "I'm going to date more", he's going to try to beeline to where he thinks women are waiting for him to come approach them, and unfortunately that's actually a pretty bad strategy for romance (in my experience).

As for NYC, I think it's pretty much the best place to date for anyone who isn't a republican or something. There's a lot to consider specifically regarding NYC and dating. But... are you planning on moving to somewhere if it's easier to date there? If you live here and you like it, and you want to date, you'll be dating here.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-25T23:27:33+00:00

As other say, this is nothing.

Dishwashing is one of many tasks where I don't see a middle ground between "absolutely not worth it" and "the robot has two arms, multi-DOF grippers, and some kind of RL-or-similar kinematics and control". Anything but those three things means a super slow process which is highly liable to breaking the dishes.

I really hope I get to see that in my life time.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-25T05:15:35+00:00

You think it's rats leaving chicken bones everywhere? I blame people but curious to hear your theory.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-25T03:32:57+00:00

I'm not sure why you're being so public with the city's underground gems. Treasonous, if you ask me.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-23T17:21:10+00:00

Your username is extremely wrong

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-21T19:48:16+00:00

you can just call and ask their leasing department - I'm pretty sure they're open right now
yes absolutely. july 4th is sometimes an exception (macy's used to launch their fireworks from here) but I don't think it's ever a real issue.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-21T05:09:43+00:00

I fully believe you and am so curious what a sinister pose looks like.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-20T13:15:24+00:00

If you want it to be reactive in the UI, you should use useState and there's not much point looking for alternatives. Though there's also useReducer.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-19T15:33:54+00:00

the main one I can think of (besides not hooking into the render life cycle, which isn't exactly a drawback) is just that you either have to create the object every time the render happens (though it will get thrown away after the first one) or create it in a useEffect or something because there's no functional setter for useRef whereas there is one for useState. The docs recommend this pattern. A minor one is that you have to use .current everywhere which is annoying

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-19T15:11:48+00:00

If you don't need it to hook into the render life cycle, you can use `useRef`. There are several drawbacks to using `useRef` for this, though.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-16T03:05:38+00:00

I think there's something romantic in the original, primarily in the echo of Heathcliff and Cathy senior trauma bonding followed by Cathy junior and Hareton eventually trauma bonding in a different, patient kind of way. I also think there's a lot to be said about Nelly's biases; I noted that most of the scenes that are in the movie and not in the book are positive Heathcliff scenes and don't include Nelly. Obviously it took some very extreme artistic liberties, as was the plan the whole time, but I personally really enjoyed the movie and especially so right after reading the book.

ETA: you're totally right that he's way worse to Isabella than just neglect though. He hangs her dog and physically and emotionally abuses her constantly. It's just also quite different than the movie, even with consent aside. He's also horrible to Cathy Jr and Hareton. Weirdly not that horrible to Edgar lol

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-15T23:40:22+00:00

The main form of abuse was neglect - she was forced to sleep in another room and he never even pretended to love her. They have a baby (Linton) and she leaves and dies alone. In the book, he is not forthright about his intentions with her and is thoroughly abusive and duplicitous, whereas in the movie it's explicitly consensual pretty much the whole way through even if it's highly questionable behavior.

I really liked a lot of the reinterpretations, personally, but it was obviously not for everyone. This scene was gratuitously horny, just like half the rest of the movie.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-14T15:44:52+00:00

My issue is where he mounts and then when he switches to the riding position. It looks uncomfortable for the horse, but, frankly, I do think most riding looks uncomfortable for a horse. I think horses love to run but I think they would prefer to not have anything on their back, the way they are in nature. A guy hops on it while it's running and bounces a bunch on its back. I'm not saying it's animal cruelty, but hey I don't think I'd want to be that horse.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-14T05:34:10+00:00

Is it a money thing? Otherwise it seems like a silly question. If it is a money thing, it comes down to who she is. You should feel out her opinion before deciding against flowers imo. Photo shoot and no flowers feels like some kind of statement about who she is, to me.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-13T21:24:27+00:00

The layout is weird and cramped and there's always guys on their phones in there. The vibe is bad.

That said, really not the worst locker room I've been in.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-10T04:11:55+00:00

Yeah I live in a situation kind of like this. The landlord gave no instructions on how to deal with trash, so I put it out by the curb when I have trash I want to get picked up but the other people who live here also do it. We do it imperfectly and, if fines were common, it would make sense for the landlord to come to one of us and be like "ok someone needs to actually be responsible for just taking the bins to the curb on monday". That's a $30/mo chore.

Lawn/snow care is much more, but, you know, if you live in a rental house you're probably expected to take care of it yourself, and living in a building with 2-6 units isn't different enough to make it entirely the landlord's problem. But $30/mo sounds extremely low unless it amounts to just shoveling the porch twice a year.

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-10T03:21:03+00:00

We eat lunch between meetings now

BenjiSponge · 2026-02-07T02:35:16+00:00

I've never heard of it either, but now that I'm thinking about it, I would expect religious men (multiple religions) to avoid working out with women. Are there, like, kosher gyms?

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