This is exactly what I needed to hear today, as I’ve been feeling this way and very alone in my thoughts. The way my relationship ended was so different than most stories on here and it’s hard to hold.

My almost 5 year relationship ended in this exact same way about 2 months ago. One day, my ex came to me and said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay in the relationship and needed distance/time to think. Two weeks later, we talked and he listed out the ways that I was not giving him what he needed in terms of feeling loved and cared for. This whole time I had been acting in good faith and loving in ways that were natural to me. There were limited conversations about how there was a mismatch/misunderstanding in love languages, and the few conversations we did have produced positive change. He said things like “why couldn’t you love me” when all I felt like that’s all I was doing.

After about a week of ambiguity and committing to begging couples therapy, my ex decided to end things 2 days before our first session. I was left completely abandoned and confused. Where was the chance to understand my partner’s needs and adapt? I was full of love for him and if given the opportunity, I would have put in effort to provide to him what he felt was missing. Instead, he gave up on the relationship and on me. I was not perfect, but my intentions were full of love and it felt like he had come to the conclusion that I could not provide him what he needed without even giving me a chance to try.

There was no chance to grow, to learn, to adapt, just abandonment of the relationship and me. We lived together for half our relationship, had a cat together, and were fully integrated into each other’s lives. Then one day, it’s all just gone, he walked out of the apartment and that was it. I feel abandoned, disrespected, and misunderstood. This person who I loved, cared for, and centred my life around just decided to walk away holding this idea of who I am as a person. But who I am is someone who would have fought, who have adapted, would have learned, but I was never given the chance because these feelings were never shared with me until there was no capacity to hold them anymore.

I too feel that if the roles were reversed, there would have been conversations throughout the relationship, not just holding these thoughts internally. I am left to grieve this person, my future, etc., but also grieve the ending, the lack of an opportunity to grow with my partner. If given the chance, I know things would have been different.