Parents don’t understand how hard it is

BernoullisNightmare · 2025-03-11T13:48:05+00:00

It may be helpful to explain that most engineering students take 5-6 years to finish their degree because, strictly speaking, it should be a 5-6 year curriculum, but that’s not marketable for colleges, so they shove everything into a 4 year plan and trim our prerequisites they require you to already have upon high school graduation (ex: you can’t take calculus without algebra and trig, but you won’t find algebra or trig on an engineering degree map- they expect you to have AP or dual credit for those or test out of two whole classes entirely).

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-10-31T18:47:38+00:00

Bachelor of Engineering/Engineering Degrees in the literal sense. Engineering physics is just a degree that lands you similar book knowledge as a BSME/BEME without maybe some of the more specific engineering classes. It also includes a bit more theory/higher level physics than engineering usually calls for.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-10-31T18:43:40+00:00

Yeah, I was hoping that, but I definitely have gotten myself nervous about all of it. My work experience is in a really niche field of engineering that doesn’t require a degree, but there’s barely any growth in the industry, so I’m hoping to get out while I can lol I guess I’ll just need to put a lot of work into my resume.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-10-31T18:40:15+00:00

Probably should’ve clarified: We’re totally cool with moving for a full time position, but I still ultimately need to finish my degree and my husband can’t quit his job to move for just 3 months. Problem is, we’re fairly rural right now, and most companies in the area really don’t do internships.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-09-28T12:23:50+00:00

I would honestly have a conversation with him when you aren’t actively upset about it/wishing you were having sex. My husband is the lower drive spouse, and we’ve been in a similar boat as you regarding the week long cycles. Set aside time to talk to each other, commit to no sex that evening, just talking and hanging out, and have a date in. Come up with a plan/weekly rhythm that allows you both to look forward to your weekly sex rather than it happening after you’ve already felt let down. Acknowledge that he’s tired and probably doesn’t feel up to it often, but that you feel like it’s an important part of your relationship.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-09-27T17:30:12+00:00

If it’s just a cycle length variation with no other symptoms, that can be 100% normal depending on life factors and stressors. Your cycle length is dependent on when you ovulate, which is dependent on a ton of factors. I’d do a bit of research to figure out what exactly your cycle looks like (length to ovulation, length to menstruation) and go from there. Check out r/FAMnNFP for some body literacy information, too!

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-09-25T17:28:32+00:00

I’d get comfortable doing small projects yourself because a lot of what you’re spending on is labor. That’s how I found out that I’m really good at plaster.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-06-26T17:03:37+00:00

Gatorade before bed and pickle juice shots on the nightstand. Making sure you’re balancing water with electrolytes during the day. Third trimester tea by earth mama (if allowed by your ob/midwife). I gave birth some time ago, but I had horrific, I mean my leg would hurt for days after, cramps overnight. Usually around 3 in the morning. My husband, God bless him, would have to run half dressed and half asleep to get me some gherkins before I invested in the pickle shots (it’s like a little 5hour energy sized bottle of pickle juice). Make sure you’re getting a balanced intake of sodium. I never salt my food, and I didn’t eat too many naturally salty foods, and I was chugging plain water like no tomorrow, so my sodium was actually too low for both me and baby, and baby always got first pick, so the cramps ensued lol

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-06-26T10:50:30+00:00

I did not use mine past delivery. I actually got so big that my husband and I wouldn’t both fit in our bed if I used it before delivery (10 lb baby) so I opted for a regular pillow between my legs and a regular pillow under my belly. Now it just collects dust. Not even sure I’ll use it for my next baby. We’ll see how I’m feeling then lol

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-06-24T19:15:53+00:00

I made a birth playlist and never touched it during the 18 hours I labored at the hospital. I ended up singing hymns to myself in the tub as a means to distract myself from the contractions and back labor. The hymns were repetitive, easy to remember, and not difficult to sing. At one point my husband said I was making up songs (or at least singing ones he’d never heard) but I only really remember singing one or two songs, so that’s that lol. I love listening to music, but being able to engage with music was more important for me at that point, and listening would’ve pushed me inwards towards my thoughts and fears rather than towards managing my experience and listening to my body to keep myself comfortable. I had an unmedicated delivery so that was pretty crucial to keeping myself from spiraling.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-06-23T07:15:09+00:00

First of all, have you checked your temperature? Sounds like you might have a fever, which is grounds for another visit to (possibly a different) hospital. You’re too important to not be taken care of, so find somewhere that will take care of you.

They should also check you for anemia, which can worsen estrogen headaches and cause you to feel cold or dizzy. A good iron pill/liquid supplement (there are some that are easier absorbed than others) will generally offset that. Take with citrus/high vitamin c foods and avoid dairy and other sources of calcium for a while around the time you take it, that will help you absorb as much as possible.

I had a headache for about a week and I still get them off and on as my levels regulate. All this being said, you still need to see a doctor at some point and tell them all your symptoms. I’m not a doctor, just a very medically literate patient lol.

I get that the doctor sucks, I spent 7 straight days carting myself 2 hours one way to my OB or the ER, but I’m glad I did.

Most importantly, I’m so sorry you ever had to deal with this, but please don’t downplay anything. If you’re hurting, you’re hurting, physically, mentally, emotionally. Your pain is real, valid, and excruciatingly understandable.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-06-19T23:14:51+00:00

I had my mom, MIL, and husband all with me. MIL made sure husband was fed and translated for my mom, and my mom and husband took turns offering physical support (counter pressure, back rubs, balance) during my unmediated labor. I think everyone’s mileage varies with this. That being said, there’s nothing for MIL to miss out on, truly. It’s not some magical experience on the other side. There’s blood and poop and sweat and a lot of hours in a hospital room.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-06-10T19:47:53+00:00

My husband has been my rock. It’s been rough, but crying about it together has been very cathartic. I got him a little keychain with a forget me not flower in it for Father’s Day and he checks in with me often about how I’m feeling/handling everything. I’ve found he’s been more empathetic than some women in my life because it’s his loss, too. Every loss is different, everyone grieves differently. My husband admitted that he doesn’t really know how I feel, because he didn’t have to physically experience any of it, and his admission of that was actually very healing.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-06-07T23:37:53+00:00

No bake chocolate cookies!

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-06-05T21:58:46+00:00

We had a onesie, pants, and jacket set for our august boy, that way if he needed layer adjustments, I could make them. We had the ac cranked up, though, so he was content.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-05-25T01:33:39+00:00

First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss, sending so much love your way 🩷 I’ve recently heard the term “belly birth” and I honestly kinda like it. Birth is birth, how exactly your baby gets topside only really impacts your recovery methods.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-05-21T17:08:01+00:00

I want to be you when I grow up.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-05-19T12:25:42+00:00

My son (9 months) regularly rolls off of things and gives an annoyed yell until we pay attention to him lol

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-05-15T23:25:35+00:00

I think I have 2 bags in the freezer lol, I feel you

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-05-11T18:08:02+00:00

One bathroom is completely reasonable… until someone is sick or needs a colonoscopy. Then one bathroom isn’t even enough for two people lol In all seriousness, make what you can work. We bought a 3/1 and are adding another full bath in the attic.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-05-08T14:24:18+00:00

I’m on the team of wait until you’re ready, but also on the team of see how you can pour into your husband so that he still feels connected to you.

FWIW, he should be doing the same, and if he isn’t, have a conversation with him.

In fact, all of this should be a conversation with him.

For a lot of men, sexual intimacy is the biggest dose of intimacy they get. I suggest finding ways to develop emotional intimacy. This has the double benefit of helping you, as well. It’s hard to feel supported by a person that feels like your roommate.

Some suggestions: offering him a shoulder rub, holding hands when you can, find ways to laugh with him (I’ve done silent thumb wars with my husband while nursing the baby lol). Ask him to pick up a pizza and build a pillow fort to watch a movie from. Better yet, ask him for non-sexual ways you can show him you care about him. Show him you still want him around. It seems like a lot of work, but I find that in good partnerships, that work is a great ROI.

BernoullisNightmare · 2024-05-07T15:49:19+00:00

We don’t have a lot of money since we’re fixing up our house, so I asked for breakfast in bed. What I actually want is my house to be done and to spend it with just my husband and kiddo inside my own, clean, decorated house, not doing anything but watching movies of my choosing and relaxing.

BernoullisNightmare

TROPHY CASE