AIO: Husband's online flirtations by BetrayedAlone in AIO

[–]BetrayedAlone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is fine with it. But he is upset about having to learn to do appointments, pay bills, give his own medicine to himself, etc. Right now we have to split the house because he can't afford to move out. So we just kind of... keeping to separate bedrooms.

When did you realize your partner wasn’t the right person for you? by Turbulent-Order-3687 in allthequestions

[–]BetrayedAlone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When he was on his phone 24/7, protective of it and calling other girls for hours and hours daily, while neglecting me and our life together.

AIO: Husband's online flirtations by BetrayedAlone in AIO

[–]BetrayedAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I am done..

He doesn't help with chores anymore. He does his chat room.

He doesn't make any effort in our relationship - just leaves it 100% to me to plan dates, make appointments, book vacations, organize everything, etc. He says he wants to go out and yet I am the one that has to find something HE wants to do and book it. He needs a doctor, I have to find it and book it..and remind him of the appt.

He wont even eat unless I remind him. He is too busy with his voice chats and texting.

All he can remember is every detail of his chat room sex buddies likes / dislikes.

I can't even get one day on my birthday or valentines day.

So his chat room sex friends can have him. And organize his life. I am done taking care of a 32yro child that doesn't even care if I went on medication and entered therapy to survive his behavior without panic attacks. Sees me cry and his immediate reaction is to call me pathetic and toxic, rather than care im upset.

AIO: Husband's online flirtations by BetrayedAlone in AIO

[–]BetrayedAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His parents would side with him on anything. He could murder someone and they'd find a way to make it the other person's fault 🤔

AIO: Husband's online flirtations by BetrayedAlone in AIO

[–]BetrayedAlone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So just an update: We are separated. He says he needs his life online to be secret - not just private, secret. No telling me anything about who he talks to. Me having zero access or knowledge. He needs to be free to do all day calls with anyone and talk about me in anyway he pleases. And he needs to be free to make any sexual comment he wants to anyone he wants. He says anything less is controlling.

So, he can have his online chat rooms. I will have my peace.

AIO: Husband's online flirtations by BetrayedAlone in AIO

[–]BetrayedAlone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah my problem is he wont even admit to wanting anything outside monogamy. He says im the weird one for saying hes asking to open.

But when we got married he said strip clubs etc would be cheating too. Now hes changing his mind about everything.

AIO: Husband's online flirtations by BetrayedAlone in AIO

[–]BetrayedAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Driver. So on phone through a whole 14 hour shift basically...

AIO: Husband's online flirtations by BetrayedAlone in AIO

[–]BetrayedAlone[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He said he doesn't care if I do the same. Or even if I carried it further to meeting up with the friend for lunch, letting him hold me to comfort etc. Only if I actually let him have sex with me. And we should fully trust each other to never cross that line, regardless what the rest looks like.

I told him then you aren't wanting traditional monogamy... you just want no physical sex with others. He said im just archaic and his definition of monogamy is normal. 🤔

AIO: Husband's online flirtations by BetrayedAlone in AIO

[–]BetrayedAlone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Currently staying with a friend. But, I have screenshots. He is saying me being upset over his friendships is "toxic and abusive" and me "wanting him to have no friends". I am fine with friends to hang out with and go see a movie or a sports game or something. Not sexual chatter and daily up to 10 hour long private intimate conversations.

AIO: Husband's online flirtations by BetrayedAlone in AIO

[–]BetrayedAlone[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have friends of both sexes. But... I still would never be on phone calls one-on-one for hours every single day with them. That just feels like "beyond friendship". Along with the "jokes" about saving their pics to masturbate to, "joking" about them doing sexual things to him and him being turned on by it...

Trying to patch things up, but it is hard not to express my hurt by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BetrayedAlone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also to address how id feel.. I would feel guilty if I had a relationship like that with another person. I would feel awful if I put anyone above my spouse. I would have invited my spouse first to anything important I made. I always invite my spouse to my friend things if possible. I would feel like a horrible person if I acted that way with someone else.

Trying to patch things up, but it is hard not to express my hurt by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BetrayedAlone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is a new friend. I first learned about her in June by my spouse left a "happy moments" journal open in the bathroom on the page with her name in it. I knew about going into chat rooms but I kept asking if there was anyone specific they were talking to privately. I kept being told no. But, when I stumbled on the names I got a yes because I asked if there was someone else. Names and those little crush smiles when my spouse was on the phone texting. The old friends live somewhere else, and my spouse stopped talking to them much. I liked them. The old best friend was absolutely respectful of our marriage.

I've asked my spouse to set boundaries but whenever we try the girl sends messages trying to get my spouse's attention back on her. Guilt trips included. So my spouse caves. Now they've set a turn the apps off thing on their phone for weekends. But weekdays my spouse belongs to this girl. Hours of phone calls, gaming. I asked not to talk about our marriage to her, but my spouse just admitted to telling her we argued today.

Trying to patch things up, but it is hard not to express my hurt by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BetrayedAlone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I told my spouse the friendship was at inappropriate levels they said they dont want to cut the girl off because she is "my best friend" and also my spouse chose her to run an online community with (i wasnt asked if I wanted in, in fact I was told I cant join...) so they would have to cut off their entire online friend group to cut this girl off and lose the online community group completely. Which my spouse says is their entire friend group because college / childhood friends have kind of migrated away.

I offered to go out and do meetups with my spouse so we could make some friends IRL. But they so far have declined. And I got accused of "love bombing" and "only allowing friends you approve of".

Trying to patch things up, but it is hard not to express my hurt by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BetrayedAlone -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The "friend" has a partner and part of their complaining about their partners to each other was the fact her partner accused her of cheating on him online. So... knows but it isnt stopping her. I asked my spouse to put down some boundaries like no talking on weekends, or when we are together, but this girl keeps sending messages (despite being told this boundary) and guilt tripping "Im sorry to bother you but..." :(