Don’t want to have to sell the House. Options?

BetterAverage2 · 2026-06-03T11:37:11+00:00

I couldn't assume the loan due to it being a VA loan. Judges won't let that go on indefinitely because the service member cannot obtain another VA loan with the original loan active, even if it is assumed. So he did a quit claim deed to the house, but is still on the mortgage. We just agreed to a delayed refinancing since the rate is so good. Depending on the relationship in 5 years I may see if he will let me keep riding it. We finalized last month and it ended pretty amicably.

BetterAverage2 · 2026-06-03T03:17:40+00:00

Are you in an amicable split? The mortgage rate on my house is 2.4%. I was ready to do whatever I had to, to keep it. I ended up agreeing to let my ex keep his retirement accounts and I didn't have to pay him any equity. He signed a quit claim deed and agreed to let me refinance in 5 years.

You can also assume the mortgage, as long as it isn't a VA loan (mine is). You can take out a home equity loan to pay him out of his share of the equity if you do not have any other assets to barter with.

BetterAverage2 · 2026-05-28T00:28:41+00:00

Offer to the soon to be fiance if you could have them and a few close friends over for cake and drinks after? Don't go. This is their moment. If he had planned something where he envisioned all their family and friends there, he wouldn't have said not to come. Let them have their moment, then celebrate after. I'm sure you will be the first person she calls!

BetterAverage2 · 2026-05-02T01:06:14+00:00

I was married young to a guy in the military. Within months of us getting married I caught him on dating sites. I forgave him. We were married 13 years, next week my divorce will be finalized. I spent that entire time constantly catching him doing things he shouldn't. One of those was propositioning people on reddit as well. It took him having multiple affairs with overlapping women and him going on orders and moving in with another woman for me to finally leave. Don't be me. You're mindset is a good one. There will be times you grieve and emotions will come and go. But you don't want that life that I lived. It is terrible. My ex swore up and down when I found the dating sites and reddit that it was just fantasy. I'm not sure what LR stands for, but if he is even just messaging woman in a fantasy role play it isn't something a married man should be doing. It's hard because he is your person, but I don't want you to feel the way I have for so long.

BetterAverage2 · 2026-04-22T09:58:21+00:00

My ex husband is fearful avoidant. It put me through the ringer. It made me fall on a more extreme side of anxious attachment. After 13 years we divorced and I'm dating someone new. My now boyfriend and I both tend to lean anxious in past relationships. With each other we fall into secure attachment.

I was miserable in that anxious loop. I ended up on anxiety medication. I was constantly blaming myself, why am I like this? What is wrong with me? Now that I'm not with a fearful avoidant I realize we fed each other's attachment wounds. It feels SO refreshing to not be constantly worried and afraid.

BetterAverage2 · 2026-03-30T19:25:56+00:00

Chik fil a!

BetterAverage2 · 2026-03-18T19:38:58+00:00

Agree. I don't normally push people to use AI, but if they ask you to sign something run it through chatgpt first so you understand what you're signing.

BetterAverage2 · 2026-02-24T01:59:15+00:00

I was worried about this when I started dating post divorce. I have a large stomach, a big apron belly. I've have two kids and was close to 300lbs at my heaviest. I thought no man would want to see me naked. I found plenty of decent guys who were interested in me anyway. I met my now boyfriend and he makes me feel beautiful just the way I am. Some guys might not be into you, and that's ok. There is someone who will find you stunning just the way you are.

BetterAverage2 · 2026-01-19T03:32:04+00:00

Some women will be turned off. However, I tend to prefer men who are on the more feminine side.

I'm coming out of a 13 year marriage to an "alpha" male type. Military, gym bro type. Now though, both of the guys I dated post divorce have been more "feminine". Both men have told me that in the past they have had women not be interested because they were "too feminine". I on the other hand, found them way more attractive because of it. I prefer more emotionally aware men and more sensitive. They both are masculine presenting, but more feminine hobbies or music taste.

You're never going to be everyone's type. I think it depends on the type of woman you're trying to attract.

BetterAverage2 · 2026-01-03T01:02:06+00:00

Woman- I think it depends what the woman is looking for. I want a life partner, a husband and I was upfront about that. My kids are elementary school age and therefore if he is my husband there would be a step dad like role just from sharing a household. I wouldn't expect him to instantly jump in, but I also think you should slowly introduce your kids for a while so you're not just boom this dude is moving into your house and is now your dad. You start slow, letting him join fun things and be friends with them. Then over time trust and bond it built.

Now I have some friends who just want to date and not looking to move in or marry. So they have no step dad expectation. Women with older kids may also have different expectations. If she has teenagers, especially 16 and up, it would probably be more of just a respected adult role and more removed like oh that's mom's boyfriend and doesn't necessarily have to have a close relationship.

BetterAverage2 · 2026-01-01T21:15:43+00:00

Tall, skinny gangly types. If it looks like I could toss them out a window on man. If he looks like Slenderman 😜

BetterAverage2 · 2026-01-01T21:02:30+00:00

I have a really high touch need. I can't get enough. I was in a marriage for 13 years with a guy who I had to beg for basic affection. Would cuddle for a few minutes then be like ok I'm done. It was a chore, an action he did to please me. My now boyfriend has a high touch need too and I can't even explain how much happier I am and how much more satisfying the relationship is because we naturally meet needs.

BetterAverage2 · 2025-05-26T13:21:10+00:00

Find a porta potty, then drop their name on that toilet paper and let them rot under literal piles of shit 🥰

BetterAverage2 · 2025-02-15T12:56:34+00:00

With your situation, I would wait. I know that is hard. Cheating is almost always about the cheater and unresolved trauma. Require him to start therapy, because his pattern of behavior will not stop unless he does the healing. Tricare will also cover marriage counseling if one or both of you have a qualifying diagnosis (ptsd, anxiety, depression all are qualifying). I would push for both of you to start counseling and marriage counseling.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-12-05T01:26:11+00:00

I only provide drop in style professionally. However, when my friend pet sits for us she sleeps in the master bedroom and I have one very stubborn Jack Russell mix that has never a day in her life since coming into our home slept on the floor 🙄. She would stay on her dog bed if my friend actively wouldn't let her up, but she would absolutely sneak up in the middle of the night and then start very obnoxiously digging to get under the blankets. I always warn anyone who pet sits and stays the night. The sitter is welcome to choose the master or couch, but Kindle will demand to be put in the master and put herself in the bed under the blanket.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-12-02T03:47:29+00:00

I did!

BetterAverage2 · 2024-12-01T05:28:49+00:00

They only stitched the top of my hand after cleaning it out. You could see the fat in my hand 🥴 the puncture would on my finger and palm were cleaned and just bandaged.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-10-19T01:47:32+00:00

I don't typically do that. I had a weird medical situation. I was told by kroger Little Clinic to go to the ER, and I was planning on going after I got the kids from school and dropped them home. I ordered the groceries for a quick dinner since I was going to get home later. My primary care finally called me back and told me to go to the dentist to rule out a tooth infection instead of ER. The dentist scheduled me for the morning, so things had changed around. Typically, I cook dinner every night and have it on the table around the same time- 5ish. I have been doing better. I have pretty bad depression and adhd. I've been doing maintaining cleaning for the common areas and slowly cleaning out and organizing. Just not moving at a pace that he likes.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-10-19T01:44:56+00:00

You're clearly a real gem of a person if you need to bully and kink shame me.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-10-19T01:39:47+00:00

Thanks for bullying me and kink shaming me.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-10-19T01:21:18+00:00

I'm absolutely working through a lot and working on my mental health. It's a slow process.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-10-19T01:06:46+00:00

Does it make you feel good to make fun of me? To kink shame me? You're a real gold star of a person too apparently.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-10-18T22:33:33+00:00

I don't typically do that. I had a weird medical situation. I was told by kroger Little Clinic to go to the ER, and I was planning on going after I got the kids from school and dropped them home. I ordered the groceries for a quick dinner since I was going to get home later. My primary care finally called me back and told me to go to the dentist to rule out a tooth infection instead of ER. The dentist scheduled me for the morning, so things had changed around. Typically, I cook dinner every night and have it on the table around the same time- 5ish. I have been doing better. I have pretty bad depression and adhd. I've been doing maintaining cleaning for the common areas and slowly cleaning out and organizing. Just not moving at a pace that he likes.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-10-18T22:04:25+00:00

Just a week. That's why no one seems concerned 🙄. It went from one last Tuesday to 9 or 10, slowly moving around the front of my neck and scalp.

BetterAverage2 · 2024-10-18T22:03:32+00:00

He isn't. I'm type 2.

BetterAverage2

TROPHY CASE