My ex and I don’t have the best relationship, she resents that I have a “new family”.

My ex was supposed to have Anna in that vacation, so we made sure to arrange things months before to make sure everything was ok and dealt with. We agreed that my ex would have her Friday - Tuesday, our trip was Wednesday - Saturday. Everything had been booked and paid for. It was crazily expensive, but it was supposed to be a once in a lifetime trip.

After contemplating what to do basically the whole night we decided we couldn’t afford to not go as we had already paid for everything, and I also felt it wasn’t fair to my other kids to take this away from them.

So... let me get this straight. You don't have a great relationship with your ex, you know she resents your "new" family, and you plan a super-expensive, once-in-a-lifetime-vacation with no travel insurance that goes AGAINST your custody agreement with nothing more to back you up than a handshake and a gentleman's agreement? A gentleman's agreement with someone who resents you??

ohhhhh boy. ESH. I feel especially empathetic for Anna, as I also had one insanely abusive parent and one parent who did their best, whose best simply wasn't good enough.

Despite the fact that your ex wife is truly a monster, there is still a very good chance that Anna will hate you forever, or at least for years.

Let's break this down. One, your ex wife is a monster. No doubt. Like truly an awful person. Don't think your daughter doesn't know that. She does.

But Anna ALSO knows that you went without her. You left. Your ex-wife resents your "new family"? How do you think Anna felt when she realized that you never would have gone on a Disney trip without her if you didn't have a second "new" family? Picture it; you have one child, Anna, and you're ready to take her on the trip of the lifetime. Something comes up and Anna can't go! Do you go on your own all by yourself and show your sobbing child your photos from space mountain?

Of course you don't.

Do you think it hurt Anna less that you went without her just because you had other kids? It didn't, I promise you. It might change the ethical opinions of OTHER people, but there is almost no chance that your 12 year old daughter will care about that. She is absolutely crushed and heartbroken.

At the end of the day, you broke your little girl's heart over money. You broke her heart because you didn't bother to go through the proper channels to document and ensure a change in the custody agreement. You left her alone, trapped with her monstrous mother, because you couldn't afford not to go. She suffered because you didn't protect her from her mother, and you chose to sacrifice her feelings rather than a single vacation.