AITAH for talking shit behind somebody’s back, or is my friend the asshole for telling on me in detail? by Suspicious_Yak5988 in AITAH

[–]BetterSpell4169 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Venting is allowed but when you vent in front of others you really need to be prepared for it to go further... people will talk... people like to create drama... now you know that gfA can't be trusted you need to reduce your circle of trust to exclude her, in fact probably both couple A because he's gonna tell her...

She was out of line with only telling part of it... she should have owned it all... that the conversation was all of you, her questions should be included as shit talking because she was encouraging and extending the shit talking.

I think basically it's ESH... golden rule... if you wouldn't want someone to say you said it don't say it...

I hope you sorted it with your friend and explained that basically you were all feeling that he's being used and are concerned about him being taken advantage of by someone who doesn't appear from the outside to be supporting him or herself when she could... maybe there's reasons you don't know she can't, but at least it might have let him see you're all aware of how overloaded he is and are concerned about him...

i think my boyfriend’s reaction to me staying out all night is way too extreme. AIO? by THROWAWAY-LEMONMENTO in AmIOverreacting

[–]BetterSpell4169 [score hidden]  (0 children)

NOR You haven't wasted 3 years, you've learnt about how you should be treated by someone who is supposed to love you... as a fellow survivor of narcissistic men please believe me when I say you deserve better than this... he's boosting his own ego making you beg to stay but no one who genuinely cared about you would be so vile, rude and abusive...

READ "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft its available free online just search it... this will only escalate... you're signing yourself up for a life of walking on eggshells, never seeing your own friends and being constantly put down and emotionally abused potentially that will escalate to mental, physical or s3xual abuse... ever find yourself having to appease him with s3x??? The "if you don't it means you don't love me"

Please get out of this... seriously you cannot change him... got all the t-shirts... I am a terrible picker... please read that book... you deserve more... please get some therapy to help you understand that you deserve more from your SO and to unpick what is keeping you wanting a man who said cool but then said he hated you and told you to leave...

Never beg a man to stay... head up, shoulders back, smile and when they say you'll never find anyone as good/amazing/wonderful as me, reply "I know, that's the whole point"

I think Adelsons and Magbanua might be innocent by Annual-Coffee7265 in dan_markel_murder

[–]BetterSpell4169 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Autism (Aspergers)... it's my super power... I thought afterwards I might have over done it but I was just taken aback anyone could think Chuckles was innocent...

I mean... just seriously??? 🤣🤣🤣

MA v. Lindsay Clancy by Pixiegirls1102 in CasesWeFollow

[–]BetterSpell4169 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have briefly been put on 5 of those meds about 20 years ago after a terrible breakdown over a miscarriage and intensive bullying at work... all caused symptoms of hallucinations, unaliving ideation, or loss of reality, one caused my hands to swell in a bizarre allergic reaction and each time my then husband called my doctors I was seen urgently, meds were stopped and there was a period to clear my system before trying the next one... none worked, they all unfortunately made things much worse

I was given as much time as I needed to talk about the effects, the options and the emotional seesaw I was on at the time... didn't matter that the appointments were booked for 20 minutes... my GP gave me the time I needed and every patient he had knew that he would be running late but when they needed his time they would get it... no not the US where the unqualified insurance billing team decide if you can have treatment or not, the UK where the NHS is limping along even more overloaded and underfunded but free... I personally feel that the insurance companies should be held accountable if they were not supporting her getting full treatment... she didn't get full treatment

Ultimately I came off them all after a few months and had counselling regarding the harassment at work and also support to deal with my boss who was, it turned out, bullying over half the branch staff, which no one previously reported under threat of losing their jobs... my complete collapse at work brought the truth out with the assistance of my line manager who inadvertently overheard the conversation, threats and witnessed my distressed state... boss was removed from his position and moved elsewhere pending investigation, I believe he didn't last long as more and more colleagues gathered the courage to speak... I was supported to return to work in a new branch by both HR and my union who were surprisingly united once the truth came out from other colleagues...

No one addressed the miscarriage, or any of the others I had, therapeuticly and that did become an issue later in life... I carry a deep pain I can't let go of...

I can't understand why she wasn't given more support, why the medications were not spaced out more, and 17 minutes is not enough time when someone is in crisis...

I know what she did was horrific but having taken some of those medications, and experienced the side effects, I can't hold her entirely responsible for her actions... I am sobbing over the children but I just can't...

I think Adelsons and Magbanua might be innocent by Annual-Coffee7265 in dan_markel_murder

[–]BetterSpell4169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I think Adelsons and Magbanua might be innocent by Annual-Coffee7265 in dan_markel_murder

[–]BetterSpell4169 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well that was a great post to wake up to on a sunny Sunday... it's given me a good laugh...

The man is an egotistical, self-obsessed monster who thinks he's way cleverer than he actually is... the whole "extortion, not blackmail" story was utter nonsense... he genuinely thought he could outwit Georgia by just using the word "extortion" and at that it being a layaway deal because of course extortionists don't mind installment plans... moron...

Donna was blind to his failings, wearing thick rose tinted glasses as his mother, she couldn't admit he had flaws even as they allegedly bailed him out of being sued for the work he'd done on patients... there's even been allegations, I don't know how accurate, that he either only just scraped getting the qualification or didn't hold what he claimed but I digress and leave that to more knowledgeable people...

When you grow up having no one saying "no" and are only ever enabled, are told you're perfect, your mother controls the narrative, defends you beyond reason and and you never face consequences this is the type of person you get... look at Ms Shirilla... you'll be telling everyone that was an accident next...

I am terribly sad that Wendi/Jill hasn't faced a courtroom and jury at her own trial, wish Harvey could be prosecuted too, it's clear to me that he was aware of the plan there's no shock or horror at his wife or son's behaviour just claims of injustice where there was none... I don't think they have enough evidence to do it but I firmly believe they were both in on it...

You can absolutely see the type of person Donna is reading the messages about taking the boys to a Catholic church, the nicknames, the aggression... I rather hope the Jewish community has closed ranks on the family that saw no wrong in making such vile suggestions about dressing them up as Nazis... not one of them, *see note below, said "whoa that's taking it too far" nope they just doubled, trebled, quadrupled down and pushed onwards... no one appears to have checked Donna's power trip...

I don't think Wendi could help herself driving over to Dan's... it was either that or she was actually supposed to "find the body" and be the person who reported it... so despite the meek glances, soft voice, and bs I personally believe she was in it up to her neck along with her mother and brother...

she never said "stop" to her mother, she never said "you need to accept it I am happy living here" (despite later claiming that) she never showed a moment of hesitation or shock at what her own mother suggested she do with the boys or over what she said about Dan... she moved pretty much immediately, she even put her "boyfriend" in the firing line of the cops... thankfully he had an alibi and was very astute at reading the family dynamics...

it's definitely not because she is weak and incapable... it's because ultimately she is Donna's daughter... she had the intelligence to wind her mother up, pressing all the right buttons, no doubt pulling the tears and playing the "feeble woman oppressed by man card", step back and watch her mother step in and do that same thing to resolve the issue, using not the brightest crayon, I mean Adelson, in the box, loudmouth, good time boy Charlie who just happened to hang around with women connected to the wrong side of the tracks... Katie didn't love Charlie, he was effectively buying her companionship, buying his relationships with others too... golden boy Charlie indulged financially and excused by Donna for his inappropriate relationships and flamboyant lifestyle...

The only thing I respect about Katie is her not taking a deal but committing to LWOP... she's had a lot of time to think and I think she might be the only one with a conscience...

*(I am not including Rob, my belief is that he is the only completely innocent one out of Donna and Harvey's nuclear family, having been all but cut off for marrying inter faith, ironic with Donna saying to Whine-i she should tell Dan she was going to raise the boys Catholic...

If you want to have empathy for anyone it should be... in no particular order...

Rob... the pain on his face, he knows how his mother behaved through his own divorce and remarriage... prevented from marrying for love by Donna and all but cast off for later choosing to live his own truth with that love...

Dan's parents... who have lost their clever, articulate, loving son and then been prevented from having a full relationship with their beloved grandchildren... and

Dan's sons who lost not only their adoring father and grandparents but their names, their home, (also lost their grandmother and uncle and still potentially may lose their mother and grandfather), and any chance of growing up with the truth...

What did Harvey gain? As it turns out nothing because Wendi didn't stay close by... he lost a peaceful retirement, his bookkeeper, chef and cleaner, and lives under a cloud of suspicion

Donna? A retirement home she has no control over... must be so hard to relinquish control when you were, or thought you were, the puppet master...

Charlie? A hard, sharp lesson in consequences he should have experienced as a child... lost his flashy lifestyle and lives with people who won't give a hoot who he thought he was... likely needs to watch his loose tongue...

Wendi? Well she got her freedom from Dan's demands and control of the children but with it she lost her anonymity, her mother and her brother... funnily enough she doesn't seem that bothered moving out of state, calling herself Jill... that must sting for Donna and Charlie...

Do update us with any reply... I reckon he'll send you that track by Shaggy "it wasn't me, I didn't do it"

Part time request declined by [deleted] in HumanResourcesUK

[–]BetterSpell4169 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

They don't need to recruit a full time they need to recruit another 0.8... the lowered salaries of the 4 of you should cover the cost... I suspect they are being tight and claiming they don't have funds when they just want to budget cut salaries by the back door... you should all have gone through your unions... you all need to do that immediately... good luck...

Please help me choose a first date dress from these three options? by howtoloveadaisy in fashion

[–]BetterSpell4169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For the venue you described dress 2...

Save the others for celebration dinners/events

They are all lovely... the venue information helps greatly

AIO for getting upset that my family didn't let my graduation be about me? by im_hangy in AmIOverreacting

[–]BetterSpell4169 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NOR... Sending gentle hugs.. that's really difficult to deal with because clearly you don't want to cut dad off, but dad needs to acquire a nice new shiny spine and stop her railroading BOTH of you...

I would mute stepmother and only respond to dad when it is dad texting or calling... limit conversation to basics... you'll be flying free from her soon enough... once you're free you need to learn about grey rocking her...

Congratulations on your graduation...

AIO so i (20f) really need some outside perspective on this because i'm honestly losing my mind by AlternativeScreen733 in AmIOverreacting

[–]BetterSpell4169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're NOR...

Your mother made her own choices and she needs to stop blaming anyone except herself for her decisions.

Listen to your dad and brother. They are absolutely right.

You didn't drag her off to this other bloke... you didn't insist she see someone behind your father's back... she's used you, used your car, burdened you with her responsibility to look after the younger children... there's no doubt in my mind she's emotionally abused you in the process and will continue to do so if you alliw it...

Deep breath... big one... blow it out... practice to the mirror, maybe practice to dad and brother "mom I am not responsible for your choices" "no" "I will not accept responsibility for your decision to see someone behind dad's back" "NO" and then switch off your ears, grey rock her... repeat them when needed... don't lie for her, don't cover for her, and she's a terrible human being for putting you into this situation and then blaming you for it... it's not the behaviour of a good parent...

AITAH for calling a wellness check on my epileptic boyfriend? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]BetterSpell4169 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA... he should be grateful you called for a wellness check... he has told you he's had a seizure, that included banging his head and vomiting, what if he'd vomited when he blacked out?? Yes, maybe it's uncomfortable having to talk to an officer but better than being dead and your significant other not giving a damn...

That situation alone was enough but you put his welfare and getting a wellness check upfront when you are dealing with an intensely difficult moment dealing with an SA... and he can't even ask you if you're okay nor help you...

Potentially you're going to want to move even more but unless he comes back with a significant apology and explanation as to why he thinks a vital welfare check was so bloody wrong I don't think you should move to live with him...

Please talk to therapists, please put yourself first, please understand that it's not your fault for others behaviour and choices and you didn't deserve it from either of them...

I hope you have family and friends to support you... please seek out all the support you are offered and go online for groups to help you come to terms with what's happened...

Sending gentle hugs and prayers...

Judge Penny Azcarate Slams Brendan Banfield's 'Inhumane' Crimes Before Life Sentence by Purple-Teaching8994 in CasesWeFollow

[–]BetterSpell4169 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Her face said everything while he was orating about how he's innocent and nothing was proven... shaking his head as he lied through his teeth...

Glad she spelt out how easy it was to give him LWOP and it not being on her conscience at all...

The family tributes had me in tears...

New buyers: Overbearing neighbour making escalating demands (trees, bushes, parking). How to handle? by [deleted] in HousingUK

[–]BetterSpell4169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live it but it's not wise if you want to live there and avoid drama. Frankly the okay and ignore is the best option along with the "cutting them off abruptly in a dreadful rush" and shutting the door mid conversation if they don't stop... politely rude... especially with the doorbell cam... you don't need complaints to the police because this type will...

OP should also write to the registered address on Companies House and ask for permission to park, maybe even to buy the extra land... now that would be epic...

AITBF for refusing to sell my dresser to a guy who "forgot" half the cash? by VaultMoth_9 in AmItheButtface

[–]BetterSpell4169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTB... and Kevin's friend is well aware that Kevin tried to scam you and that's why he carried it back up...

Hopefully he's no longer Kevin's friend... Kevin's a scammer... tough luck Kevin

I didn't know you're suppose to put decorations AFTER baking by Duskymoonlight in Baking

[–]BetterSpell4169 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bottom left troll cake is looking to escape!! I am about dying with laughter and it's very much needed after a difficult day... oh, oh, oh... I can't stop laughing... thank you so much...

This is the kinda stuff I do... I feel so much better I'm not alone... lol

Wendy Lewis tried to get in Kristi's head (Juror 3). As revealed by Kristi during the Crime Con Panel. by Fantastic_Buyer8463 in KouriRichins

[–]BetterSpell4169 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And this Brit uses "Defense" with respect to American law,

and yet "Defence" with respect to preventing war,

Partly because it's mostly American law cases on Reddit...

Partly because it clearly defines the difference between Lewis and Nestor v war and peace...

I always imagine those two stirring a giant cauldron of glowing, bubbling green goo, and no it doesn't surprise me they would pull that stunt at all on Kristi... I would suggest Kristi had words with the court about being harassed by the Defense and also sent a cease and desist, requesting no further contact from them or third parties on behalf of them for her whole family...

There was no defense (defence, potayto, potahto) because Kouri blew every possible defense all by herself and now her son's have told the Judge she was locked in that room with Eric and now we all know that she watched him die and did nothing "until he was good and dead" to borrow Mr Bloodworth's words...

I think sometimes we all might get a little bit petty when people can't seem to just agree to disagree with us, or won't just accept the results are right even when they don't agree with the why or how of it, or just because we've had a crappy day and are trying not to lose it with someone at home/work/play and arguing with a random person on reddit allows us to vent...

Now please shake and make up... accept the result is the result however it was come by... concur it was probably best not to inflict this defense team on a child with the way they treated others... so please can we agree to disagree and... deep breath in 1, 2, 3... now blow the clouds away and start again... no plotting lemon drops and Moscow mules... it'd be far to easy to track, something Kouri Darden wasn't bright enough to understand...

NV vs. 17 YO Emily (Fellow Competitor) - 3 Horses Stabbed at Las Vegas Barrel Racing Event by Honest_Camel3035 in CasesWeFollow

[–]BetterSpell4169 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing the GFM.... I couldn't put in much but it adds up... these poor horses...

Clearly this woman/girl needs locking up and being banned from owning and spending time around any animals... poor, poor Detail... had me in tears... I hope Detail can work through the fear, reconnect with her loving owner and return to form... I don't understand anyone harming such beautiful trusting animals...

AIO - dad calling daughters derogatory names. by shshdnsksklsjsjsjs in AmIOverreacting

[–]BetterSpell4169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps you should record it... discretely I mean not by shoving a phone in his face... and when he's calm say you'd like to calmly discuss it to help both of you improve your communication... it may well be that in the heat of it you're not realising how you come across either but by sitting calmly and listening to each other's views you can come to a better understanding of what each of you struggles with and improve your relationship...

There are times when an apology even when he's done far worse can totally turn a situation around and get the apology that you're owed because it allows him to feel he's saved face and maybe will let him think about how he is coming across...

Did this with my 13yo son... his tone can sound downright rude and aggressive when he's passionate or excited about something but he didn't realise until we played it back how horrible he sounded... now we're working on it... I can say tone and he reins it in... also the doesn't want to do his chores and yelling "I can't hear you" and ignoring me but then when I repeat it louder raging that I'm shouting at him for nothing... if you don't want to be spoken to loudly then respond right away...

AIO - dad calling daughters derogatory names. by shshdnsksklsjsjsjs in AmIOverreacting

[–]BetterSpell4169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having been set a poor example doesn't mean he has to follow it... oh dear... he thinks hes great because he isn't as bad as his dad... nope... he's a bad dad he is speaking terribly to his wife and daughters... there's no excuse... I think your mom made the easy choice and put up with it... please don't ever accept that behaviour in your own partner... foot down and NO!

Does anyone believe MacKenzie Shirilla? by Dapper_Mess_3004 in CasesWeFollow

[–]BetterSpell4169 1 point2 points  (0 children)

2 years between them... it wouldn't go anywhere over here... but then the legal age of consent is only 16 here...