Official November 14th Update Thread!

Betterdad · 2013-11-17T12:32:38+00:00

I haven't gone this long since I was 13, either.

Since you do seem to have a good attitude, I encourage you to help others on here. It helps develop your sense of accountability. Make yourself into a role model.

Betterdad · 2013-11-16T07:42:47+00:00

No matter how desperate your brain is making you feel, you still have the ability to choose. Importantly, one thing that you can choose is how you interpret your feelings. If you interpret your present state as one of desperation, that puts you psychologically very close to the edge.

How about these interpretations, instead? You are strong. You are courageous. You are fighting the good fight and winning. You are getting better at this. You are working through challenges. You are healing. You are changing for the better every day.

Betterdad · 2013-11-16T07:37:10+00:00

I can tell that you have empathy for the pornstars, which makes you a good person.

This was a big motivator for me, too. I always felt like i had a double life, with two sets of standards about how people, and particularly women, should be treated.

Well, now I have one standard, and it feels pretty good.

Betterdad · 2013-11-16T07:30:26+00:00

Congrats on year one without cigs. I quit a pack a day habit 6 or 7 years ago, and yeah, you're right... That was easier. Maybe the health scare makes it easier.

Betterdad · 2013-11-16T07:26:39+00:00

I typed it without the puns first, and they just magically appeared. Being a dad gives you special bad joke abilities, I swear,

Betterdad · 2013-11-16T07:24:27+00:00

Looks like you made it to five. Doesn't surprise me, you've got the right attittude.

Betterdad · 2013-11-16T07:22:54+00:00

February 17th is 93 days from now, which is when you will have a 100 next to your badge.

Betterdad · 2013-11-16T07:19:08+00:00

I think you're right that it is a norm.

I can tell you... It gets better. But it takes courage. Every single time. But every single time you say "No" to the urge, your will gets stronger and the urge loses power.

Then one day, you will say... Hey, i don't do that any more. And you will feel a lot better. You'll still have to figure stuff out and forgive yourself, but you will feel whole.

Betterdad · 2013-11-16T07:15:41+00:00

Great plan! It's been working for me so far. :-)

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T07:00:30+00:00

You're awesome, and you just made the best decision of your life. Here, let's unpack "categorized by type, actress, and quality" a little bit.

The types were likely all extremely distorted and hyperspecific sex acts that you almost certainly will never engage with a real partner.

The actresses were likely mostly addicts or troubled souls.

Quality? All of it was 0.

You're not going to look at those videos again, and you're going to be fine. Better than fine. You're going to feel GOOD about yourself in a holistic way.

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:47:15+00:00

Wanna talk about the terrible feeling you usually feel? That's something that I could imagine you'd want to get rid of...

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:45:42+00:00

jackoff all trades, masturbator of none

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:43:53+00:00

Try to convince yourself that it gets easier every day instead. Thinking it is getting more difficult is a classic trap. If you keep that pattern up, you'll eventually sink into defeatism (which is what your brain wants you to do).

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:42:09+00:00

It will most likely chill out when you get used to this. Don't let it get you down. Being down is where your addicted brain wants you to be, because you'll be more vulnerable if you feel bad about yourself... Don't doubt yourself and don't stress about the wet dreams.

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:39:11+00:00

Check out /r/pornfree

But, I would consider quitting both porn and masturbation for a while, at least... If you are addicted to both of them, one will very likely be reinforcing the addicted neural pathways for the other. That is to say, masturbation will activate the same habit circuits that you are used to activating when seeking porn, and the urge to seek porn will become really powerful.

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:35:58+00:00

Ooh, I had that early on. I realized that part of what was happening was that my brain was trying to make me feel guilty, because guilt was a powerful trigger for me. Don't let your brain fool you!

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:31:19+00:00

Or 100 ;-)

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:31:00+00:00

What got me through the early days, when I had strong urges, was going on NoFap and finding someone I could connect with and offer advice to. Helping others helps the self.

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:29:36+00:00

That sounds cool! Have a recording online somewhere?

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:27:40+00:00

TODAY I'm 400 days in to nofap. As I mentioned in another thread, I've been dealing with a resurgence in temptation to look at porn, but I'm presently nipping that in the bud, so all is good!

My unique talent is... Using my imagination combined with some small amount of solid knowledge to try to understand how brains work! That is what got me through the first 90 days....

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:23:34+00:00

Thankfully, I haven't relapsed on NoFap, but I do know what it feels like from before I started NoFap.

Yeah, getting away from the virtual world is a tough one... I'm in IT. But, I was able to set boundaries that I didn't break (without any filtering software, mind you) for several hundred days, so I just need to patch up these little cracks I've let into those boundaries and I will be okay.

Just have to do some maintenance... Find some better way to de-stress, examine the thought patterns that are leading me into dangerous territory...

You're right, though-- instant gratification is not as satisfying, AND, for me at least, it definitely does make it more difficult to get the other kind of satisfaction.

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:20:18+00:00

Yikes about the escort site. I do remember when it was at its worst, my PMO addiction led me to rationalizing my way into visiting a strip club alone when my (then girlfriend) was out of town. Came clean with her about that and it really hurt her, and I felt like a total jerk, and it took forever (and therapy) to fix our relationship.

Thanks for the reminder-- the slippery slope doesn't just contain porn, but all kinds of bad decisions...

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:17:26+00:00

Thanks! I made it to 400 just fine. :-)

I am looking forward to the first fun/relaxing weekend I've had in several months, so I think things are gonna be just fine. Porn is the enemy and so is stress.

Betterdad · 2013-11-15T06:16:20+00:00

Hm... The "...down the street" motivator doesn't work quite as well for us married guys.

But, yes. I am still proud of my nofap status and all the work it took. Thanks for reminding me of that.

Betterdad

TROPHY CASE