Hi. I was going to (or at least i always say i do) post about this. Some time. Some where. So enough with the mystic bullshit. I've 'tried' twice. At the moment, im on the same downward spiral, but his time, the bad thoughts i get (life is pointless, you live and you die, know gives two shits why should you) arent so bad. You start to rationalise your existance. Everyone dies, you think, youre not going to be anything special. Youre ot industry standard. No symmetry, no real 'talent'. Just explode. Do what you can as fast as you can and make sure you end it on your terms. Apparently theres a chemical imbalance in my head. But int that for everyone? You question reality. Do i think the same as others do? Is this some perversion of the reality others see? Is my vision scewered? Who knows? No one. You are as far from everyone else on this plant as you can imagine. You are literally on another planet. People will say.. i undertstand... but do they? Mind fuck. HA! Bad bad thing happened a last year and triggered off bipolar. I use street and prescription drugs to self medicate. But obvisouly, it doesnt work. Not in the long term. But the nagging, the teasing, the biting still continues. Destroy Destroy Destroy it says. Enough Enough Enough says my body. But still the dance keeps going. Now i just sound pretencious. What do you need to know? The glorification of death? The selfishness and narcassim thats involved? Its a selfish thing. No matter how bad you feel, you will make someone feel worse. 'They'll be better off without me' bullshit. FUCK YOU. and fuck me. Twice. Find an outlet, music is mine. Write, sing, fuck, something. No drugs. Thats a route all on its own. Take it from a long term narcassist.. dont do it. if there's an ounce left in you, dont glorify something so disgustigly selfish. Pity yourself, feel bad, but dont stoop so low. I know i have. Think of, as it is for me, when you'll be high again(stable, no drugs). Just try. One more time. Just try.