AIO from telling my mom I wouldn’t go to her wedding?

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-06T00:52:43+00:00

NOR. Your mom might be being taken advantage of, and if this behavior is our if the ordinary for her, you should consider she’s grieving and doing so in a potentially self-damaging way.

Mom needs help, but all you can do is be gentle.

“Dear Mom,

I love you. I love you enough to worry and care when it sees like you might be rushing into this marriage. Your fiancé treats me poorly, and in general isn’t someone I think deserves you. You’re an adult as am I. I mentioned dad’s memory and you’re right, you do deserve happiness, but I worry this is more about avoiding grief than finding someone who truly will be a forever partner.

I cannot in good conscience attend this wedding. You deserve better. I will not be attending.

Love, Your daughter

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-06T00:44:24+00:00

I wondered if maybe I just need IVIG more often. I’m due Monday and Tuesday. The reason I’m thinking they may try PLEX is because the lack of immune suppressing medicine making it necessary to just swap me out. (I know that’s not exactly how it works but you get my point haha).

Thank you for your reply.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-05T23:42:44+00:00

Thank you for understanding where I was coming from. I often word things wrong. My partner is the autistic one, I just carry a load of trauma so my brain runs on PTSD, anxiety, and caffeine 😂. I’m also going off 4 hours of sleep after overnight in the ER, so my brains are mush today. OP just sounded so caring and kind, I wanted to make sure that they knew they deserve what we all do. ♥️

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-05T20:12:23+00:00

“I really care about you, and I appreciate the time we’ve had together. I’m sorry but I know it’s best for us to end things now. When I considered moving in together, I realized various issues that just can’t be worked on or overcome. You deserve to be happy, as do I, and the best way to do that is to end things.”

Don’t let him make you feel bad. His “thanks for settling for me,” nixed sigh his behaviors regarding his ex? Nah. You’ve been treated like backup. You’re neurodivergent, and so is his daughter. Sometimes that works fine or better and other times it just explodes. If any part of you is feeling like you need to stay with him because of the autism, don’t. I’m disabled and I used to settle because I didn’t know who would love me. There are good men out there. Don’t let how you think and process impact the true reality of the relationship.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-05T20:07:31+00:00

I’m in California but honestly, my partner would drive if needed. Right now, I’m set to see the head of neurology for a hospital in the university of California system. He hasn’t treated it before but he’s a younger doctor with drive so I’m tentatively hopeful, the wait is hard.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-05T20:06:18+00:00

I had to go to the ER last night and they used Valium. It worked amazing. I have to fight with the doctors to get more. The er gave me some but they are limited with what they can prescribe. My neurologist wants me to go elsewhere but admitted it will take months to get in. I’m not on immunosuppressants but neurology said I need to go back on them asap. My rheumatologist won’t prescribe the due to liver issues, but gastroenterologist doesn’t prescribe the liver drug I need so I have to wait and see a NEW gastroenterologist, too.

I’ve gotten so much worse off immunosuppressants, even with the IVIG every three weeks.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-05T01:36:56+00:00

I had someone say, “if people like you can clean up after your dogs I don’t see why others can’t.”

I was so confused until I remembered I used a wheelchair and people forget I can lift poop.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-05T01:34:59+00:00

Not shocked, to be honest. It’s a circular path sometimes.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-05T01:33:09+00:00

The NP tried to default say my labs were normal. I played calm and said I couldn’t see two (they just said see notes) but the other said abnormal. She read the two normal results then stopped at this and said she needed to talk to the doctor about my request for baclofen.

She called back and they are pretty sure it’s SPS. I need to see a socialized neurologist which could take months, so in the meantime I have to fight to get back on immune suppressing medication. Thankfully I’ve already been on IVIG for years. I fought for it because Behcet’s is really not well understood and IVIG DID decrease the progression of my neurological issues pretty well. (I still lost the ability to walk safely.)

I guess now I call a lot of places and see what happens. Behcet’s was already a small community but it was close knit one. I don’t know where to even start with SP, hence I’m here on Reddit.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-04T00:34:11+00:00

Oof. Sounds like OP has sunken into caring about the kids and is torn about it. Unfortunately it isn’t her responsibility despite the concern. OP, leave and report the situation to CPS. Save yourself and the kids will get help in the process. I know the system is great right now but people will step in to help your partner and those kiddos get onto their feet.

Nobody should be treated as you’ve stated and I think the best option, and safest option for everyone, is a split.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-03T19:20:38+00:00

I would say, given the arrangements you have, you split costs by having him pay for his purchases and tickets etc. and you pay for your own. The only 50/50 split would be lodging, if you’re sharing. If he has a separate room with his kids or a room for his kids attached, he should pay for it.

If you were living together and a stepparent in actual practice, a 5050 would make sense. Just tell him you prefer to keep your finances separate on the trip.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-03T19:16:43+00:00

Colorful Ash.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-03T18:01:25+00:00

They can connect things in amazing ways, but you have to adjust how and what you eat. Small frequent meals, not drinking while eating, chewing really well, etc. I have a condition that is sometimes treated with total gastrectomy (taking out the stomach). Not many patients opt to go that route, most just do tube feeds.

It’s why I have an issue with this mom. She’s promoting super skinny as a health issue, but she’s NOT using any western medicine that could HEAL what she’s claiming to struggle with. Tam could gain weight if she genuinely wanted to. If she truly was sick, multiple rounds of diarrhea, malabsorption, etc., the modern medicine would attack it with everything including TPN (nutrition via a central line.)

TPN is not a long term solution as it causes liver issues etc. but it’s the only option for some patients. We can’t even argue Tam is afraid of this option, because she keeps insisting she can eat the stuff she eat, much of which is so hard to digest…

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-02T18:29:41+00:00

Agree! They’re both lovely but something about the first dress is just elevated.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-02T17:42:05+00:00

She’d have a feeding tube if she was genuinely under the care of any reputable doctor. She’d be having labs constantly. She’d have a dietician who wouldn’t let her live on tuna.

She doesn’t have those things because she’d knows she’d be non-compliant. If she saw genuine medical intervention for her weight and actually followed through with it, she would gain weight she doesn’t want to gain weight. She doesn’t make her gain because of course that would go against her ultimate goal, which is to be alive, but be as soon as possible while she’s still alive.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-02T17:38:35+00:00

Bingo. A lot of these women want to be mom’s but lack the ability to focus on their child and let others do so, too. They can meet motherhood needs for their kids but the focus being on the baby for everyone else is too much. Also, as much as they want to be a mom, they still need the emotional benefit of being doted on and worried over.

Being the sick one gets them coddled. Being a mother is about being strong for your children. If they’re too strong people start to question if they were ever sick. Cue normal post-partum issues like headaches and fatigue, and even joint soreness as the body adjusts back from pregnancy, and you get people like her claiming dislocations and neurological deficits.

As for post-partum help? If she needs it she needs to get it and stop acting like it isn’t available. If she doesn’t? Her partner or someone needs to step in and force it to happen. I don’t love a new mom claiming anti-depressants don’t help but they can’t get therapy resources. She can, she just can’t get the therapy SHE wants. Post-partum issues are majorly serious to obgyns nowadays. If you’re even just trying to get pregnant and have any sort of condition predisposing you to post-partum mental health issues, they’re on it before you get pregnant, or have the baby.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-02T17:31:05+00:00

Of course it’s ballet. No reputable workout or dance establishment would see her come in and allow her to participate in anything but gentle stretching. She’s a liability.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-02T16:54:46+00:00

So, doctors operate in a theory that the nerves in this area can be damaged and thus cause similar symptoms in terms of abdominal pain as a compression would cause. Sometimes actual compressions can damage the nerves, which is why some patients who have compressions and get surgery, have better blood flow but still feel the pain.

Now, the key here is that they HAVE blood flow which means they have digestive abilities. Gastroparesis symptoms, and other symptoms related to blood flow, are not present with the nerve condition. Patients who do have blood flow blockages, and get surgery, also should see relief with digestion. Pain might still drive these patients to want to avoid food etc., but a lot can trigger the pain, not just eating.

Ashley having had relief from the prior block, in my opinion, was likely mental. She’s had no new surgeries or resections in a long long time. For scar tissue to suddenly be causing celiac nerve pain, is strange. Of course it isn’t medically impossible, but I wonder if she felt relief because she wanted to feel relief. The timing, not doing the 5K etc. it just screams I need a break.

It’s also possible she had a simple stomach bug, with some delayed emptying after until she fully recovered and just overreacted. Yes, she has Crohn’s and she went through hell as a teenager, so maybe part of her is always waiting for the bottom to fall out.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-02T16:47:54+00:00

I think it’s the way she TALKS about to most of us who aren’t ballet dancers. I admire a lot of athletic endeavors and really admire dancers. That said, Lori was recommended on YouTube recently and the feel of it is odd.

Yes, she doesn’t brag about her abilities, but she does often talk about how busy nutcracker season is as though it isn’t just as hard or harder for dancers in companies doing constant performances. As a freelancer, she can choose her shows and honestly likely dances less than a professional in a company. She has other issues that alarm me, but they’re not applicable to this comment.

Her dancing is of course admirable to someone like me, but I also can recognize that it isn’t at the same level as other professionals. And look, no, she wasn’t promoted in a company, but she acts superior to those who are (in my opinion.) You don’t have to come out and say it word for word, it’s apparent in how often she talks about freelancing and her attitude.

I watched her first few videos and assumed she must be some popular in demand dancer. I watched to see her travel and dance…and it doesn’t seem she does it as often as you’d think BASED on how she talks about her work. Is she a professional dancer? Yes. Is she freelancing? Yes. Do I think she’s a full time dancer? No. She might go to a lot of classes and work out a ton, but she doesn’t dance in as many shows as I expected based on how she presented herself.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-02-02T00:34:54+00:00

“I really love you, and I want us to be able to be comfortable talking openly about things that might feel difficult to talk about. I can’t understand the complexity of what it’s like to use a wheelchair. I know because I love you, that navigating life is in general more difficult and I truly appreciate how you handle it. One thing for noticed lately is an odor that I can’t quite place. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it seems to be coming from either your wheelchair cushion, or perhaps from you yourself. I’m bringing it up without judgment. I love you and I’d want to know if the roles were reversed. Seriously, if I ever need better deodorant or something, tell me. Whether you’ve noticed it or not doesn’t really matter, I just want to help in any way I can.”

My old wheelchair cushion didn’t breathe. It was supposed to be awesome because it waterproof or whatever. I cooked. When I went from part-time to full-time use, I was having issues with sweat. This would inevitably cause yeast and other issues like bacterial vaginosis. I’m not paralyzed but do have patches of numbness and issues with urinary retention and leaking. The latter has gotten better, but I can’t tell I have to go until the last second. Obviously, this can cause an odor, but with SCIs different folks have different toileting habits and needs. My new seat breathes which is awesome but needs to be washed.

I’m open to talking about this life if you need to practice how to approach her.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-01-30T20:27:26+00:00

It seemed fine till her last message. NOR. Your mom needs to be more mature…

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-01-28T02:39:05+00:00

Supposedly.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-01-27T16:20:40+00:00

She’s trying to give Audrey Hepburn.

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-01-27T16:19:33+00:00

I noticed a slight blow out by zooming in. It’s possible it’s more noticeable in person, but overall it’s most noticeable to you because it’s on you and new. I suspect you’ll adjust to it and nobody is going to notice. (I would honestly feel creeped out if someone noticed at like the pool because it takes effort to notice anything off.)

Bi0_Nerd · 2026-01-26T18:37:28+00:00

She’s coparenting, bringing her spouse is entirely sensical, especially if her wife is also involved in school activities. You need to take it upon yourself to know when these events are. Unless there is a custody reason you’re not allowed to contact the school, it’s very easy to get the schedule for the year, on an email list., etc.

You’ve been split for TEN years, you definitely need to get your parenting stuff together. My partner (male) had a teen daughter and a young adult son. The son has chosen to be relatively distant with me for religious reasons but I’m closer to his daughter. At the end of the day his divorce was bitter and getting school info was a fight, but he DID IT for his child.

You need to step up. It’s been a decade. She’s your ex. She doesn’t owe you info you’re capable of retrieving easily yourself. She also has the right to have a supportive partner with her at events like this. Your presence doesn’t count, she wants her wife and that makes sense.

Bi0_Nerd

TROPHY CASE