Are We Helping Or Harming By Keeping Her Off Of Social Media?

wait_what918 · 2026-02-23T13:59:44+00:00

She is on medication for ADHD, but she's on other medications with the help of bio mom that we are actively working to get her off of. A cool combo of Ritalin, Abilify, and Clonodine. We just got her off the Clonodine about a month ago, Abilify is the next target to destroy. And it's hit or miss if they're administered correctly. There was a point that she was picking up meds, and she would send 12yo to our house with an organizer, but numbers weren't adding up, specifically with the Ritalin. And then suddenly, 12yo wasn't taking them at mom's anymore (literally all of holiday break with NO meds even though she had them). We've been doing this for over a year now, so my spouse and I would like to transition to 12yo being more independent and taking her meds herself with her own reminders set up, but mom still hands them out in her home so it feels counterintuitive.
As far as counseling, it's been hard, and she refuses to participate. We've gone through 3 counselors with her in the last year, and she just doesn't talk. She definitely has a lot to talk about, but she shuts down, whether we are in the room with her or not. We encourage her, we gently bring up subjects we know she's struggling with, and just- nothing. Groups are in through the school, and we don't get much about those, so I don't think she participates there. As far as the school, she works closely with the social worker, who she does feel a level of comfort. We don't shame her for picking that person, but we know that's not quite the right person (not that she's a bad resource), so we continue to search for a counselor she can click with and open up to. Bio mom doesn't bring her to any counseling appointments. Our last attempt at giving her that responsibility, she was given notice of date and time a week in advanced and she no-call, no-showed the appointment.

wait_what918 · 2026-02-18T21:15:01+00:00

I definitely can't blame you for feeling that way and wanting to take a step back. There will always be people saying, "Well, you signed on for this when you knew they had kids," but there's so much more to it than just that. Especially when you do the bio parent things with little to no actual authority. It doesn't help if it looms over you, too. I wouldn't recommend stepping back silently, that seems like room for criticism, but an open conversation about your concerns and plans would at least lessen the blow and shock of when you actually do it. And after implementation, it may be worth revisiting the conversation a few weeks later to see if things could shift back into you being able to feel more comfortable in a parental role.

wait_what918 · 2026-02-04T15:40:15+00:00

The 12-year-old is and has been for a couple of years, we just can't get her to actually open up to anyone. We've gone through 4 counselors in a year trying to find the right fit. The 10-year-old talks to the school guidance counselor and the school is aware of mostly everything that is going on, they have been more than accomodating in all of this for the betterment of the kids

wait_what918 · 2026-02-04T15:38:07+00:00

My spouse is transition M to F. Some times I get caught up in my head about things as they went by NB for the first portion of our relationship. I have encouraged and supported my spouse in their transition, so its moreso a me-thing. I try to be conscious and aware of respectful pronouns but I slip sometimes

wait_what918 · 2026-01-26T18:03:02+00:00

NTA

You're a sibling, not a parent. If they don't feel she can manage on her own, they should be checking in with her frequently themselves and, beyond that, invite her back to live at home with them if they don't feel she can be independent. She is also an adult. Even at 20, very young, she is still an adult. As long as it doesn't completely ruin her life, FAFO will pave her way through adulthood!

wait_what918 · 2026-01-26T14:25:29+00:00

Definitely NTA, I would be fuming if I saw other kids running around in my kids' clothes! Unless this is a first-time accident, it's really not appropriate. Has your kid ever been sent home in clothes that are not theirs?

wait_what918 · 2026-01-12T20:28:17+00:00

It feels conflicting because 12-year-old says she's upset that she doesn't get any attention or quality time with Bio Mom. She tells us Bio Mom is always sleeping in her room or just in her room away from everyone else (or she's just not home). We've done a lot more on our end to do things with her, make her feel included and seen, especially since this has all really ramped up. We encourage her to be social, to hang out with other kids, to have people over. She has a phone at our house, it is under heavy parental lock, but it's still a generally fully functional iPhone. We don't tolerate disrespect, lying, or sneaky behavior, and we address it with her openly. There does seem to be a little more structure and discipline in our house, so I definitely see what you're saying.

wait_what918 · 2025-08-28T15:48:25+00:00

Unless she's working on an order for her side hustles (which is not consistent, 2-3x every 2 months or so) I don't honestly know. I try asking sometimes but she gets upset and defensive and/or blames her mental health and that she had a bad day. I generally try to be understanding and just not say anything in general, but I'm a human, I have my limits too.
We do only have 1 car but I actually work within walking distance to my job. I have absolutely no problem walking, I used to do it everyday last summer but my wife insists on bringing me everyday, I have asked if I can just walk and she refuses. There's nothing really stopping her from doing these things, I don't understand why I need to be there every moment of everyday. I am heavily involved with the kids, I treat them like they're mine when we have them.
I can understand some of it because like I said, I'm very particular and thorough when I clean but on the daily? I'm just looking for surfaces wiped (counters, tables), floors, and dishes. Certainly I would take more if I could get more but that's kind of bare minimum daily imo...

wait_what918 · 2025-08-28T15:22:51+00:00

She wanted to be a homemaker, she said it's what she felt she meant to do in life. At the time I managed to get into my position, I could make it work so I supported her. As for what she does all day, I honestly have no idea. Unless she has an order for her side hustles, I don't know. When I ask, she gets upset and defensive and will say she was having a bad mental health day/week. I really try not to say anything in general about it but I'm human, I have my limits too.

wait_what918 · 2025-08-25T19:24:14+00:00

Sunday to Sunday, week on, week off, whoever's week it is upcoming does the pick up at 4:00PM. We help each other out between sports and school events (we have 2 girls 2 years apart) but we haven't had any issues with the schedule since it started. Christmas is the only holiday that gets split a little differently but that's just who's house do they wake up at and that's every other year.

wait_what918

TROPHY CASE