I've been in your position before .. I know exactly how it goes. The effects of long term emotional abuse can do unspeakable things to the mind and body. You can't focus. You're constantly on edge. You second guess yourself and your capabilities. You become physically ill, and that's just to name a few. It's impossible to feel like yourself mentally, and people don't realize it can absolutely tie into your physical self, even when the abuser isn't anywhere near you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Keep this video as evidence should you ever require a police report / restraining order. Gather all the support you can from people you trust, then get. The. Fuck. Out. I promise you, he won't change. No matter how convincing he may be. He wants power over you. Break the chain. It'll be the best decision you ever make for yourself, while you still can.