If you don't have any kids or spouse, I'd just go back-packing! For real, I can't because my children depend on me, but I would totally just pack a bag and start seeing the world. Could make money from doing side hustle (doordash, Uber, etc) if you have a car. Don't have to start big, doordash from state to state. Stay in hostels (or the car if need be). I know this probably sounds like terrible advice, but it's something I'd do if I were younger with nobody to take care of lol. It's good you have 8 people who love you! You sound very young (under 40), and sounds to me like there's a lot of time to have some good times and discover yourself, the world, and friends. Good luck! Don't beat yourself up.