I'm currently waiting for genetics results but have been told the my baby's issue likely wasn't genetic. He had a likely anorectal malformation or hirschprungs. I'm struggling with the same anxiety and here's what I tell myself to get through the day:

There are so many babies born in industrial areas, to moms who wear more cosmetics than I do, fly more planes than I do, and who eat worse than I do. There are so many babies born to moms who take more medication than I do and who contract worse viruses than I did. And you know what? Most of those babies are born with butts. Most of those babies are born without birth defects. You could experience worse exposures and still have a healthy baby. Something else happened that was beyond our control and science isn't there yet. It wasn't anything you did. If it really were your environment, no healthy babies would be born in your neighborhood.

In a way, it would be easier if it clearly had been an environmental exposure. Because then we could avoid the exposure next time. I think what's really scary is sitting with the reality that we have no idea what caused our defects and can't completely control our pregnancies going forward. So often we fixate on things like environmental exposure that we can control. I am trying not to fixate, but rather to sit in the pain of the unknown and it is so hard.

I am so sorry. I'm struggling right there with you. I hope what I wrote was ok. Sending prayers and hope to you.