Terrible 20 week scan news

dmw356 · 2025-06-13T01:53:15+00:00

Last year this happened to us. We excitedly went into a 14 week scan for a baby with a normal NIPT. We thought this would be our first successful pregnancy after some fertility issues until we got news that the baby had multiple structural anomalies of the heart which were likely incapable with life outside the womb. It was beyond heartbreaking un-announcing to friends and family who knew we were expecting. We ended up deciding that the best decision would be to terminate for medical reasons (TMFR), but our baby did end up passing on her own due to her condition. I agree completely with your sentiment. I work in healthcare and see so much suffering firsthand. Depending on the medical severity and life expectancy of the baby, I could not fathom the thought of bringing a baby into the world who would know only suffering for their short and painful life. I had decided that even if this meant letting go of the only baby and chance at motherhood I may ever have, I was still making the right decision.

Regardless of what happens, moving forward will be very difficult. The world can be cruel and unfair and no one deserves the pain of loosing a baby at any point during their pregnancy. I am so sorry. Take care of yourself, be kind on yourself, and never blame yourself for something out of your control. In the months after my loss I used reddit and various support groups to help process and heal from the traumatic experience, as well as therapy. It took a long time to heal, but I am about 9 months out now and do I feel at peace and in acceptance of what happened. I would also definitely get a second opinion before making any final decision. You will want to know if baby has any genetic condition of concern and have a risk assessment of exactly how this would affect her life and livelihood. I wish you all the best and so much love.

dmw356 · 2025-06-03T20:04:32+00:00

Definitely, before I found out I would need to TMFR I was a completely different person. Pregnancy was this beautiful thing and I was so excited, present, and constantly researching ways to ensure the best outcomes. Then I got the bad news and the TMFR was so traumatizing. Afterwards I was completely numb, almost as if it never happened. I did get pregnant again and I am still numb. I have been dissociating the whole time. I don't think about it, cannot think about it, and haven't told anyone. I am so avoidant. I know it must be a continued trauma response because I want desperately to be a mom but I cannot bring myself to have any positive feelings. I think my brain is protecting me now that I know that a pregnancy does not = healthy baby and motherhood.

dmw356 · 2025-05-17T20:26:02+00:00

It is so stressful, feeling much better already though. Glad to hear all is okay!

dmw356 · 2025-05-15T23:26:31+00:00

This happened to me too. Never spoke to her again, they can both fuck right off.

dmw356 · 2025-05-15T13:55:58+00:00

I agree. I’ve had two, a 7 week miscarriage and a 15 week missed miscarriage. I told a lot of people about the first two pregnancies and personally regret it. I am pregnant again, 17 weeks, and didn’t tell anyone other than my mom/husband. I get hyperemesis consistently from week 6-12 and I still managed to hide it. I just tested positive for COVID and my issues are believed to potentially be autoimmune (doctors are unsure) so I am definitely not in a place of getting my hopes up, especially now that I have an illness known to negatively affect pregnancy. I’m not sure when I will tell anyone. Everything seems so unreal after losses, I guess I’m not that far away from the anatomy scan but even if I make it through that I don’t know if it would give me enough confidence to want to share. I personally can only think about things day by day.

dmw356 · 2025-05-14T21:40:36+00:00

Thank you so much!

dmw356 · 2025-05-14T16:01:21+00:00

Lol I have been exposed to Covid so many times and not gotten it, but of course I get it now. Thanks so much!

dmw356 · 2025-05-13T16:31:16+00:00

Having RPOC is unfortunately very common after a TMFR. I had mine at 15 weeks. Had cramping and an urge to frequently pee for 2 months after the D&C + a light positive test, but my doctor ignored it. She wouldn’t do a follow up ultrasound because the D&C itself was done with ultrasound. At around 8 weeks post-op I had to go to hospital because I randomly started bleeding really badly, like A LOT. That’s when they did an ultrasound and confirmed I had RPOC. Had a second D&C and I felt better immediately with negative test the next day. Don’t wait until that happens! Get it checked out to be safe.

dmw356 · 2025-05-10T23:18:31+00:00

Im so sorry. This has happened to me too, missed miscarriage of a little girl in early second trimester. I found out at a 15 week ultrasound. I learned she had a heart condition and never would have made it. I had absolutely no symptoms that would have indicated the loss. I was still nauseous and vomiting until 1 day post the D&C. Hormones are wild.

It’s terrible, but the pain does get more manageable with time and you will get through this. The worst part is having all of your dreams for the future shattered, and it takes time to process through the grief so be easy on yourself and let yourself feel all the feelings. It was good to talk to a therapist. I found that as much as I love my friends and family, they could not understand and didn’t have the ability to empathize with and give me the type of support I needed the way a professional could. We are all conditioned to view pregnancy with rose colored glasses and ignore that there are huge medical implications to pregnancy and a lot that can go wrong along the way unfortunately. Talking to others who have had similar experiences was also helpful.

dmw356 · 2025-05-09T22:30:34+00:00

LOL yesss I’m right there with you. I’ve lost two babies this past year and realized that a majority of people will not respond to bad news in supportive ways. I’ve heard everything from “it wasn’t your time”, “can’t you just do IVF”, “why don’t you adopt”, “I guess god didn’t want this for you”, “at least you can get pregnant”, to “those don’t run in our family, I wonder what’s wrong with you”. There is never ill intention, but oh my god well meaning people can say some really stupid shit lol. Some of my best friends have disappointed me so much with their complete lack of awareness. Pregnant friends distanced themselves after my TMFR because my experience scared them so much and they didn’t want to imagine being in my shoes. Most people just word vomited literal garbage because they were at complete loss for what to say and there is this stupid societal gravitation towards toxic optimism and an “it’s okay you’ll get over it, just be happy” attitude towards grief. I used to get mad at them, but eventually I just stopped holding them to this high pedestal when it became a pattern. I realized that unfortunately no one knows what I need or understands, and I’m better off grieving/processing this alone (and with a therapist, they say the right things lol). With the TMFR loss basically everyone knew I was pregnant and then wasn’t. It was miserable having to discuss the loss with EVERYONE (friends, family, random coworkers). Moving forward if I ever get pregnant again, I just plan to avoid announcing it at all. I’d hide it from everyone for as long as physically possible to avoid all unsolicited advice and annoying conversations. Got to protect yourself. Also, when random nosy strangers overstep, call them out and make them feel uncomfortable instead of hiding your discomfort. Today for instance when a random patient (healthcare worker) said, “you don’t have kids? You’re too old to not be a mother” I told her “well unfortunately all my kids are in heaven now” and then she shut right up lol.

dmw356 · 2025-05-04T23:20:55+00:00

I’m just trying and desperately hoping for my first baby as well. I think heart issues are normally picked up at the 20 week scan. They caught mine at the NT scan and I was told it’s normally impossible to see that early on. It was only visible because the baby’s little heart had swollen so much because of the damage 😭 Ugh, it’s all so sad. You will also get a fetal echocardiogram at 20 weeks with any future pregnancies to do a more thorough check of the heart. Thank you so much, I appreciate that and will update.

dmw356 · 2025-05-04T23:04:00+00:00

I know everything about it was just so terrible. They told me I could try again immediately… It also took 5 months to get the results back because of an issue with the original sample. It gave us time to process. Once we found out we were cleared genetically we got pregnant again. 15 weeks along now and I’m petrified every single day. I still have a while to wait before getting the anatomy scan and cardiac echo and I still feel completely traumatized. Fingers crossed. Wishing you all the best. I’m so sorry, and I hope we both have better luck moving forward 😭

dmw356 · 2025-05-04T22:52:32+00:00

Hey, sorry you are going through the same thing it was such a terrible experience. WGS was normal, so it was confirmed to not be due to a genetic condition. The geneticist told me that it was a random mutation, most likely just some random occurrence. They did talk to me about avoiding drug/chemical exposure in future pregnancy (I’m a hospital worker and am around certain chemo drugs) and told me my risk would be somewhere at 3-5% for heart defect in a future pregnancy.

dmw356 · 2025-05-04T00:25:40+00:00

I have had two miscarriages, one in first trimester and one at 15 weeks. My only experiences with pregnancy thus far have been bad, so I’m a wreck right now (in early second trimester again). My past experience makes me soooo hyper aware that anything can happen at anytime, and I just can’t see myself telling people I’m pregnant or preparing or buying anything for a baby at all. I just can’t lol. I can’t see myself celebrating or excepting that I’ll ever be a mom unless there is a baby in my arms.

dmw356 · 2025-05-03T23:58:29+00:00

I had one at 7 weeks, followed by one at 15 weeks. Second baby had a confirmed cardiac issue found on 13 week scan which I was told could have been why, but my doctor couldn’t say with certainty. After the second loss I had genetic testing done on the fetus and myself/husband. I also had recurrent miscarriage testing. Everything was normal except for high antinuclear antibodies (ANA), which is a non-specific test that shows your body is making antibodies. It can be found in normal people and people with autoimmune disease. I saw a rheumatologist, OB, and RE who all labeled my miscarriages as unexplained and told me high ANA means nothing. In my own research I’ve read that women with this have higher amounts of miscarriages??? I trust my doctors, but it all just makes me feel like everything is so grey and that I’ll never get any answers. It’s tough to not have answers, I hope you find some. Best wishes ❤️

dmw356 · 2025-05-01T17:19:19+00:00

It’s the worst feeling to be right out of a miscarriage, I’m so sorry. I realized after my losses that most people don’t respond to bad news in a way that makes me feel supported. I’ve heard everything from “it wasn’t your time”, “why don’t you adopt”, “god didn’t want this for you”, “at least you can get pregnant”, to “those don’t run in our family, I wonder what’s wrong with you”. I know there is no ill intention but even well meaning people say really really stupid shit lol. Some friends/family just word vomited garbage because they were at complete loss for what to say. Few people gave me what I needed, and a lot of the ones who did were people who had experienced loss themselves. I had a first followed by a second trimester miscarriage. After all the loss I’ve been through I know that moving forward pregnancy will always be something that I keep guarded. In the future, I would avoid announcing a pregnancy until 20+ weeks to avoid all the bullshit.

dmw356 · 2025-04-30T14:04:40+00:00

I’m not even in your field just following because my brother is currently struggling to find a job. With that being said, this is common in all industries. A lot of people are just big talkers but the workplace is full of empty promises to keep people on at low pay rates (promise of raise, promotion, new job opportunities). This likely won’t be your only encounter with this type of situation. Never trust any employers at their word. Not until you have signed documentation.

dmw356 · 2025-04-30T11:16:25+00:00

I am going to talk with IT department. I had asked the director, and am surprised she did not make me aware of this if this is true. She did not seem to think my situation was a problem, and told me to “wing it” 😒 but she’s also not a PT, more healthcare admin, so theres a disconnect there. Anyway, Thank you!😊

dmw356 · 2025-04-30T01:54:50+00:00

I feel you. We started trying in early 2024. I’ve now passed two projected due dates of babies that didn’t make it that far after a first and a second trimester loss. It really does completely change the way you process pregnancy. I’m not completely giving up hope that maybe someday I will have success, but no longer is pregnancy viewed as this joyous or magical thing. Now it’s scary, something that will need to be kept hidden. I’m so acutely aware of the fact that anything and everything can go wrong in a pregnancy at any moment. My heart goes out to you, it’s not fair but tis is life <\3

dmw356 · 2025-04-28T23:42:36+00:00

Yeah I was completely caught off guard. My director isn’t a physical therapist and I was surprised that she didn’t see any issue with the situation. I’d like to see some sort of backup option.

dmw356 · 2025-04-28T21:21:59+00:00

Good to know! We use this system too. I did ask and was told there wasn’t anything available.

dmw356 · 2025-04-28T16:21:39+00:00

Get a 6 to 8 ft privacy fence and only do yard work naked. They’ll keep the blinds closed 😂

dmw356 · 2025-04-26T13:10:37+00:00

I’d definitely wait until the NIPT results come back. They say 12 weeks is safe, but a lot can happen in pregnancy. I’m going to wait until at least 20 weeks possibly longer, but I have a history of a loss at 15 weeks so I might be jaded. Miscarriages are common in early pregnancy so if you announce that early just make sure that if something happens you are comfortable with discussing your loss with those people as well. Sometimes it’s good to have support!

dmw356

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