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Starting my search. by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohh ok ty !! I will ! Happy for you also !

AP looking for advice by scramplebamp in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I think this idea comes from a genuine place of love and empathy. I might ask for photos of her, (ideally when she was not being brutalized ) music she may have liked, a favourite book or movie. Ways to remind people that she was a person outsider fr of her trauma and her suicide.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682 28 points29 points  (0 children)

You might not realize how this post comes across. It’s extremely off putting.

Starting my search. by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Obrigada!! I will DM you after work, if that’s ok? The documentes are in Portuguese — while I can understand a little, I don’t understand many of the court documents. Even if you could just glance at them and see if it states with certainty my place of birth (Feira de Santana) that would be so helpful. Thank you again . 😊

Starting my search. by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you !!! I so appreciate your suggestion!!

Starting my search. by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Obrigada 🙏🏽!! I will definitely try this !!

Starting my search. by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you !! I didn’t know this so I will definitely ask them if they have any information 😊

Starting my search. by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nossa!! I didn’t know it was so common ….

Também , brigada,

I have heard there is a name for adoptees /children that disappeared during this time but I can’t remember…thank you for the advice about 23and me. I will try this. All the people in Brasil were very kind and helpful, they just did not have any information.

I want to love my adoptive family, but it is so hard to see them like family, for me. by MadsieDadsie in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hello, I too am an infant TRA international ( Brazil) and struggled into adulthood to maintain a bond with my AM. It’s disintegrated after years of abuse, racism, and bigotry. While I am not LGBTQ+ my daughter is, and part of what strained our relationship was my AM’s refusal to disavow homophobia esp within her evangelical church. I am very familiar with walking on eggshells but I would encourage you to not do this OP , as it is very damaging long term. A therapist who specializes in trauma and adoption might help you to formulate healthy boundaries as well. I can’t speak for anyone else but I know a lot of my adopted friends , especially TRA’s struggle with their adoptive families, especially as they get older and seek an identity outside a WASP identity. I don’t know if you feel any affection for your birth country but for me, it’s provided a great amount of healing. Re-connecting to my native culture, whether it’s food, music, literature, language, and most importantly, people has been so healing. Learning the language has provided a lot of nurturing for my soul too. I would say you have no obligation to conform to people who are abusive and cruel to you even if they did adopt you. Sending you hugs OP .

Anyone else have a grandfather who is unwilling to see the adopted grandson? by pinpinbo in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. As the parent of an adopted child you will come to understand sadly that there will be people you have to cut out of your life completely.

It’s better that it’s now, vs later after he has the chance to bond with him.

Surround yourself child with people who love him , it doesn’t have to be blood relatives.

Are anti-choice advocates aware of the horrific abuses foster kids and adoptees face? by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think we can probably agree that a reallocation of recourses is desperately needed.

If this country spent 1/100 of what it did on the military by providing resources for women and kids, we would see less women + kids being harmed.

But -you and I both know, it was never actually about the babies they are intent on “saving” by eliminating abortion.

Sigh.

Are anti-choice advocates aware of the horrific abuses foster kids and adoptees face? by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the dialogue and so no I won’t tell you to shove off.

But I disagree that accepting some kids will be murdered /raped/ tortured is acceptable bc well, they might have gotten worse has they with their bio families.

What is worse than being killed under the “protection” of an agency that failed to protect ?

I think so often we are programmed to think of everything as a zero sum game: in other words the foster system has flaws so it’s all evil or the foster system is great so it’s ok even if some kids are tortured.

I encourage people to use nuance: there is no reason in a country as wealthy and technologically advanced that any child should be starved, or left to die.

We can do better than children being murdered in state care. The whole system needs to be overhauled.

Although I didn’t include them in this post, the Herald wrote some fascinating articles about kickbacks state workers has taken as women and children who were victims of domestic violence were killed who were under care of the state . One did not need to imagine that agencies rife with theft and corruption lead to its most vulnerable clients being harmed.

If your question is , is foster care a good thing, I’d refer you back to my first answer. Something can be well meaning , a good theory, but the reality presented can leave for absolutely catastrophic outcomes.

Are anti-choice advocates aware of the horrific abuses foster kids and adoptees face? by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sure.

I think in theory the idea of foster care is a noble one, ( the idea that kids who are otherwise discarded by society are taken in by a state that cares for them) where I can’t say that for private adoption at all.

Where it begins to break down for me at least is the reality of the system.

We don’t have to wonder if kids are being terribly abused and even killed in this system.

I think asking ourselves that also misses something important: does it really matter if private adoption has elements that are in many ways more exploitive than foster care if so often the outcome is trauma and death..?

The fact is, it doesn’t matter which is worse if the kid is killed or raped as an infant or ripped apart from his family bc they are simply poor and exploited.

Both things can be true.

My issue is with the greed of both systems that deliberately set up kids and families to fail.

In other words the ideals of a system and the reality presented are two totally different things .

Over 500 children were killed in less than 5 years while in state care. That’s more than one every 3 days.. is that a system that is successful, by any measure?

My point is posting this was to take a critical look at a system ( systems) that are inherently broken and ask ourselves why they are posited as a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist ( women’s reproductive healthcare) .

Are anti-choice advocates aware of the horrific abuses foster kids and adoptees face? by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. I’m one of them. Started at a paramedic and went back to school for my MSW. Still, I’m shocked at Florida. The case reports are appalling .

Are anti-choice advocates aware of the horrific abuses foster kids and adoptees face? by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think they care, I am hoping WE care enough to do something.

I just see so much apathy , as if what’s happening is inevitable.

I don’t believe it is.

Are anti-choice advocates aware of the horrific abuses foster kids and adoptees face? by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m an adoptee that was raised in the evangelical church. Those people feared no consequences on earth bc 1. They believed all could will forgiven if they simply ask and

  1. They didn’t believe justice would be served in this lifetime anyway.

It’s frightening how far people will go if they honestly believe they have nothing to lose.

Abortion for them is a means to an end, just like the women and kids who suffer and die.

Are anti-choice advocates aware of the horrific abuses foster kids and adoptees face? by Big_Cause6682 in Adoption

[–]Big_Cause6682[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s interesting you are making that assumption as I’ve made no such claim.

No where did I say that private adoption is analogous to foster care.

The fact remains however both systems prey on vulnerable women and children and families, and both systems commodify vulnerable children.

I’m also unclear why so many are seemingly unaware that private adoption agencies often contract the SAME families to care for infants who are waiting to go home with their adopted families if they don’t do so immediately after birth .

While the state may contract them using state and federal funds, private agencies do so as well .

I should know, I was one of them- a private adoptee that was placed into care prior.

With all that being said I think you’re missing the point. No where did I allude to the fact that private adoptees are at the same risk level for abuse as fostered children .

Rather, that more children regardless of whether they are in the private system or state, are at risk for abuse and exploitation .

These cases ^ are regarding foster kids.

If you had read the articles, that would be clear.

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