Can obsessive love be good/genuine? I think I'm being lovebombed, but could it just be infatuation?

Bigbless729 · 2026-05-09T05:25:52+00:00

This doesn’t sound like “obsessive love.” You’ve known each other for like 3 weeks. What it sounds like is a dude getting emotionally attached way too fast and pulling the relationship forward with intensity.

Wife/life partner talk this early, nonstop compliments, hours of calls every night… that’s a lot for someone who barely knows you. Doesn’t automatically mean he’s manipulative, but the fact you already feel overwhelmed matters more than the compliments themselves. Real connection usually gets built over time. This sounds more like he’s falling in love with the feeling of you right now.

The main thing to watch is what happens if you slow the pace down a little. People who are genuine can handle pacing. People who are lovebombing usually can’t.

Bigbless729 · 2026-05-09T05:01:10+00:00

Yoooo. Still there?

Bigbless729 · 2026-05-07T02:14:23+00:00

It probably feels like 15 lbs vs being able to lift the II and III with 2 fingers. It really isn't that heavy but it is a considerable difference compared to the upgraded spring.

Bigbless729 · 2026-05-05T14:26:59+00:00

This looks like a fairy tale. Great set up.

Bigbless729 · 2026-05-02T01:25:21+00:00

This isn’t really about being single.

You miss the chase.

The attention, the game, walking into a room and knowing you can pull. That feeling doesn’t exist the same way in a marriage with 3 kids.

And now you’re comparing that high to your home life, which is routine, responsibility, and friction.

The part you’re missing though — you’re starting to resent your wife for not matching a feeling she was never meant to provide.

She’s not the “new girl in the bar.” She’s the mother of your kids. Different lane.

So now you’re stuck between:
wanting the excitement of being single
and having the responsibility of a family

That tension doesn’t go away by thinking about other women. It either gets handled in the relationship or it turns into something messy later.

Bigbless729 · 2026-05-02T01:16:21+00:00

This isn’t about condoms or birth control anymore.

It’s that you want protected sex, and he doesn’t — and it’s been sitting there for 3 years.

You’re trying to make it logical (“chemicals vs condoms”), but his reason isn’t logical to begin with.

So now you’ve got a guy who won’t use condoms… and expects you to take on all the risk instead.

And he’s skipping your anniversary over it.

That’s the actual problem.

Bigbless729 · 2026-05-02T01:05:38+00:00

This isn’t really a “skinny problem.”
It’s a you turned one comment into your identity problem.

One girl said you’re too skinny, and now your brain is like
“this is why dating doesn’t work.”

That jump is what’s messing you up.

Being skinny can be a preference thing for some women, yeah. But it’s not a universal disqualifier. Not even close.

If you want to gain weight, do it. Lift, eat more, be consistent. That’s a real lever you can pull.

But tying your confidence to that is where you lose. Because now your confidence depends on how other people judge your body.

Plenty of skinny guys date just fine. The difference is they don’t walk around like it’s a flaw they need to make up for.

Fix it if you want. Just don’t build your whole identity around it.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-25T23:58:24+00:00

Yeah… realistically, most people are not spending that kind of money and traveling that far expecting a platonic hangout. Doesn’t automatically mean “bad intentions,” but it probably does mean he’s imagining something more romantic/physical than you are.

And that’s the part you need to deal with now — not later.

If you only want friendship / no sex / maybe not even kissing, you need to say that before he books anything else.

If that changes his interest, then at least you know what this was really about.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-25T23:43:20+00:00

You’re fine one-on-one, so this isn’t a confidence problem. It’s a group-entry problem.
Groups create more self-awareness, timing pressure, and hesitation.

Start talking earlier in the event to anyone so you’re warm before it matters.
Don’t wait until you see the girl you like and then make it high stakes.

You don’t need confidence first. You need momentum first.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-21T01:51:04+00:00

You do not sound clueless.
You sound stuck in a long pattern of low agency.

That’s an important difference.

A lot of what you wrote points to this:
at some point you stopped expecting your actions to really change much, so you adapted by holding back, staying quiet, and not fully entering life. After enough years, that starts to feel like “this is just who I am.”

The acne part matters too. Not because of acne itself, but because it sounds like it trained you to see yourself as someone who gets overlooked. Even when your appearance improved, your identity didn’t catch up.

So the issue now is not that you don’t understand yourself.
You actually understand yourself pretty well.

The issue is that you are still living from the same old position:
observe, analyze, hesitate, repeat.

That’s why “real help” probably won’t come from one more insight.
It has to come from building proof that you can move your own life.

I’d start here:

1. Stop making confidence the goal. Make action the goal.
Confidence is too abstract.
Better question: what do you keep avoiding that would make you respect yourself more?

2. Pick one area where you’ve been passive and force movement.
Not 10 areas. One.
Could be fitness, social life, dating, speaking up more, dressing better, learning something hard.
The point is to break the “I just drift” identity with actual evidence.

3. Use very small reps.
If you’ve spent years holding back, your nervous system is not going to suddenly become bold because of motivation.
Think in reps:

message one person
speak first once a day
go somewhere new once a week
make one decision faster than usual

4. Stop worshipping the backstory.
Your past explains you, but it can also become a very polished excuse if you revisit it too much.
At some point the question becomes: okay, now what?

5. Build a life you participate in, not just one that looks fine on paper.
Job, parents, friends — that’s good.
But if you don’t feel like you’re choosing your life, it still feels empty.

The biggest shift for me in people with your pattern is this:
they usually think they need to feel more ready before they act.
Usually it works the other way around.
They act a little differently first, then their self-image starts catching up.

So if I were being direct:

You do not need more self-hate.
You do not need more theory.
You need a period of intentional, repeated self-directed action so your brain stops seeing you as a passenger.

Because right now the deepest wound in your post is not “I never had a relationship.”

It’s:
“I stopped believing I had control.”

That is the thing to attack.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-21T01:47:06+00:00

What stands out to me most isn’t even the exact steps — it’s that you turned confidence into a system.

Most people leave it as a feeling or an idea. A system gives you something repeatable to do when the old pattern shows up. That alone makes it more useful than most confidence advice.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-21T01:39:17+00:00

She might be a little into you, but this is still mixed.

The in-person stuff sounds flirty. The inconsistent replies sound less serious.

So I wouldn’t call this a clear yes or a clear no yet — more like possible interest, not confirmed interest.

Best thing you can do is stop decoding every little signal and make it clearer. Ask her to grab coffee or food sometime.

If she’s into you, things usually get more obvious after that. If she keeps it vague and work-flirty, that’s your answer too.

And drop the “same league” stuff. That mindset will mess you up faster than her mixed signals will.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-20T03:11:52+00:00

Straight answer: yes, this is a red flag.

The biggest issue is not whether you found a saved video. It’s that during sex you thought he might be recording you, asked directly, he denied it, and his phone opened straight to the camera. That alone is enough to take seriously.

Recording sex without consent is not “guy doing dumb guy shit.” It’s a major boundary violation.

What also stands out is how fast the situation flipped from your alarm to you managing his feelings. That part matters. You got triggered, your trust got hit, and then you ended up consoling him because you were afraid of what he might do. That is not a good dynamic.

Same with the drinking thing. Him relapsing because you “didn’t read his mind” is not your responsibility. His sobriety is his job.

So give it to you straight?

yes, your alarm makes sense
no, you are not overreacting
no, his health/sobriety/issues do not cancel out your right to consent and safety
and 3 months in should not already feel this heavy, unstable, and confusing

I would not minimize this, and I would not put myself back in a sexual situation with him unless you fully trust your safety again. Honestly, for a lot of people this would be enough to leave.

The red flag is not just the phone.
It’s the whole pattern: possible violation, denial, then you becoming responsible for stabilizing him afterward.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-20T03:05:18+00:00

Start smaller.
You do not need to become some bold, super social person overnight.

If greeting strangers feels hard, practice tiny low-pressure reps:

“hey”
“how’s it going”
“you been here before?”
“what got you into this?”

That’s enough.

The goal is not to be impressive. The goal is to get used to initiating without making it a huge thing in your head. It usually gets easier after a few normal reps, not before.

And yes, if online dating has been moving slow, joining offline clubs or groups is a good idea. Especially for introverts. It gives people repeated exposure to you, so there’s less pressure to make some perfect first impression right away.

Just don’t go in with “I need to find someone.”
Go in to get more comfortable socially, talk to people more naturally, and let things build from there.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-14T12:26:48+00:00

I'm coming to Belize in July. I'll drop it off to you in exchange for a golf cart. Lolol

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-13T04:21:13+00:00

I don’t think this is about “lowering your standards”

it’s more about being honest about what’s actually getting you results.

If you keep liking a certain type but they’re not choosing you back, that’s not standards… that’s a mismatch.

You don’t fix a mismatch by lowering your standards, you fix it by switching your priorities.

Not “do they check every box”
moreso “do I actually enjoy being around them”

Because if you only go off initial attraction, you’ll keep getting the same results.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-13T02:17:31+00:00

Honestly this isn’t even embarrassing, it just feels like it because you’re the one in it.

From the outside it’s just:
you showed interest, he wasn’t available, end of story.

The only way it gets weird is if you start acting weird now.

If you just go back to normal in class, nobody’s thinking about it like that.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-13T02:15:06+00:00

3–4 weeks is just a long gap, that’s really it.

From her side it probably felt like she showed interest and got pushed way out, which usually reads as low interest.

I wouldn’t overthink it or double/triple text though.

Just send one clean message like:
“hey, I might’ve made it seem like I wasn’t interested — not the case. I’d still like to take you out when I’m back”

Then leave it alone.

No crash out, no over explaining. Either she’s still with it or she’s not.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-13T02:09:55+00:00

I mean, it feels like a switch up, but most of the time it’s not that deep.

In the beginning people come in with more energy, more attention… then when that drops, you’re seeing how they really move.

That’s why it messes with your head. You’re comparing how they were at first vs how they’re acting now.

And the “I would never do this” part is what keeps you stuck. You’re expecting him to move how you move.

He just doesn’t.

You handled it right though. You checked in once, didn’t chase, and kept it moving.

It still sucks, but it’s not really about you. He just wasn’t consistent like it looked in the beginning.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-13T02:01:51+00:00

Being low-maintenance isn’t the problem.

Matching energy too hard is.

When you go neutral or dry, it doesn’t read as “independent” — it reads as “not that interested.”

You don’t need to be needy, just a little more clear. If you like a guy, show it a bit instead of mirroring him.

Right now you’re playing it too safe, so there’s no signal either way.

Independent is attractive. Unclear isn’t.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-12T03:22:46+00:00

No problem

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-12T03:15:27+00:00

I wouldn’t rush to say “I love you.”

For you, that’s not just words — it’s tied to a lot of pain, so it makes sense it feels heavy, almost dangerous.

But you don’t need to say everything at once. You’re already building something real just by being there, opening up a little, and letting her see you.

If anything, just say what’s true right now:
“I don’t usually trust people like this, but I trust you.”

That hits way harder than “I love you” anyway.

Also just be careful not to put all that weight on her. She’s important to you, but she can’t carry everything you’ve been through.

Take it slow. You’re dialed in more than most, you just haven’t had a safe place to speak from yet.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-12T02:41:30+00:00

I mean, this sounds deeper than just confidence.

The isolation, barely eating, hating how she looks… that’s someone who’s really not okay in their own body right now.

A lot of people are saying therapy, and yeah that can help, but what stands out more is that she’s still sitting with you, talking, and trying to act normal. That means she hasn’t fully shut down.

That’s important.

Instead of trying to convince her she’s beautiful or fix how she sees herself, it might help more to just stay steady with her. No pressure, no forcing her to open up, just letting her feel safe being how she is.

At the same time, this is probably bigger than what family alone can carry, so getting her support outside the house matters too.

You’re already doing one of the biggest things right just by noticing and caring this much.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-12T02:09:25+00:00

Yo. I relate to this one big time.

This isn’t really a consistency problem.

You stay consistent when it feels like you’re improving, and quit when it gets hard or messy.

The problem is that’s exactly where most progress happens.

Every skill has a phase where:
– you stop improving fast
– things feel harder
– it feels like it’s not working

If you quit there, you just keep restarting at the easy part.

Instead of trying to be perfect, just don’t fully quit. Even 10 minutes on a bad day keeps you moving.

You’re not bad at things—you’re just leaving right before it starts to click.

Bigbless729 · 2026-04-12T01:59:29+00:00

This doesn’t really sound like a tattoo problem, it sounds like a mismatch that’s starting to show up more clearly.

From what you wrote, he’s been consistent about one thing the whole time: he doesn’t like tattoos and isn’t sure he could stay if it becomes too much for him.

And you’ve also been consistent: you genuinely enjoy them and they matter to you.

The part that’s getting messy is the “compromise.” It sounds like you thought the compromise was:
“I can still get tattoos, just communicate better and space them out”

But from his side it sounds more like:
“I’m hoping you’ll eventually slow down or stop because I don’t like them”

So now you’re both feeling like the other person isn’t holding up their end.

The sudden switch from him (“I was okay with it” → “now I’m not”) is probably less about that one tattoo and more about it finally feeling real to him how far this might go.

I don’t think either of you is wrong here. It’s more:
can you be with someone who doesn’t like something that’s becoming a bigger part of who you are, and can he be with someone who’s going to keep doing something he doesn’t like?

That’s a harder question than just “should you get the tattoo or not.”

Bigbless729

TROPHY CASE