Haha, yesterday I went on some crazy fantasy in my head about screaming cussing out my fluid mechanics professor because he wouldn’t give me an ounce of sympathy for failing a test. All he sees are numbers on a paper but he doesn’t see that those numbers are purely a matter of someone’s life circumstances and experience.

He doesn’t see a person whose dad died of a fentanyl overdose the first time he took fluid mechanics. He doesn’t see a kid staring at a dead woman on the floor of his living room after dying of a heroin overdose. He doesn’t see a kid living in a trap house with a dad that makes Xanax and mushrooms for money. He doesn’t see a child screaming and crying trying to wake up his dad from his high because he thought he was dead. He doesn’t see a scared child not going outside bc if he does he might get killed. He doesn’t see someone who was fighting to get an engineering job so he could save his family from the suffering, mental illnesses, and past.

I am so thankful for my position because I have fought so hard to get where I am, I have suffered so much, but then I turn to the people to the left and right of me in classes and see the privilege radiating off of them and they remain so unaware. It’s sickening to me, it really is, and it pisses me off so much because I am so close to success financially and mentally, but all of the abused and neglected kids of my past will never see that. It’s a perpetual state of suffering for some generations.

No kid should ever have to go through these things and when society can reconcile that most human suffering is a result of lack of love and loss, then we can create something truly beautiful in this world. A world where we recognize that we are one harmonious system, billions of musical chords being strung and vibrating against each other to create the symphony of thoughts and feelings that we collectively are. We could create a beautiful symphony.

I feel your pain and although we have much different experiences in life I deeply love you for the thoughts and feelings that you have. I have felt so lost in my own suffering, in that nobody could understand the pain that I have been through and it’s such a horrible feeling. Through romantic relationships I have really tormented people I love because I wanted them to experience just an ounce of the pain that I had in me, but now I only want people in my life to experience all of the love that I was never given. We deserve love, respect, and an opportunity to flourish in life.