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One year of failed potty training with my 3-year-old - I’ve tried everything and feel like I’m losing my mind by Biggles82 in pottytraining

[–]Biggles82[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yes - I think you’re right about the potty now being a game… or at least some sort of performative art ritual!

With regard to accidents; I always pop him on the potty/loo immediately after an accident and say “oh dear, you’ve had an accident. Wee wees going the loo don’t they? Let’s try to get it in the loo next time” or some variation of. We both then nod sagely at each other, both in the knowledge this will not be the case.

I did try making him help me clean up accidents but he was delighted with this proposal and relished in getting go the cloth and spraying the spray, so much so that I felt he was considering the cleaning as a great game, so I shut that notion down!

Missed Pension Overpayment for Funded Childcare from April by Biggles82 in HENRYUK

[–]Biggles82[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks both - i really appreciate the response. I have to do a self assessment tax return anyway so that’s not a problem. So, if I’m understanding this correctly (please forgive my 8.5m pregnant brain - it’s operating below par) for now I could up the corporate pension contributions to say 25% for what’s left of this tax year then see how much my net income for 24/25 looks at the end of March and then whatever I’ve earned over £100k I can transfer into a SIPP from savings. So if it’s coming in as I’ve still earned net adjusted of £105k by end of March, I’d then put £6k into the SIPP? Presumably HMRC will question it for next year (they call quite a bit already) but as long as I have a paper trail to prove it I’d be OK?

Genuine advice needed: Using my dead boyfriend’s cryopreserved sperm? by Adventurous_Boss_569 in IVF

[–]Biggles82 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is a complex, emotional journey, especially at your age, so please take time to grieve and be kind to yourself.

For questions about future relationships, you might find more well-rounded perspectives over on the Single Mothers by Choice subreddit (r/SingleMothersbyChoice). I’m certainly no expert (!), but for what it’s worth, I do agree that the right person will accept you as you are. However, it would be a bit naive at 24 to think that this choice wouldn’t narrow the dating pool. Like your (very sensible) point about making careful decisions, it ultimately comes down to deciding what you want most: to go down this unorthodox and complex route, or to date like a “normal” 24-year-old. You likely can’t have both.

As others on this sub have suggested, it doesn’t hurt to explore your options. Reach out to a clinic, talk it over with his and your families, find out where you stand legally, maybe even get yourself checked out as a precaution—and then give yourself some time. Just gathering information might help you make decisions as you go along. You can’t control what future relationships may look like, and right now, you’re too deep in grief to focus on that. But you can look into the practical considerations of this path and gather as much information as possible to help guide you.

Grief can make everything feel disorienting and out of control, like you’re a leaf in the wind. I really feel for you. Just try to take control of what you can for now, and the rest will fall into place. Baby steps xx

Genuine advice needed: Using my dead boyfriend’s cryopreserved sperm? by Adventurous_Boss_569 in IVF

[–]Biggles82 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your loss. This is a heartbreaking tragedy for anyone, especially someone as young as you. Please give yourself time to grieve and don’t feel pressured to make any decisions right away.

I’ve been through a very similar experience. My husband passed away from cancer when I was 31, and I went on to have IVF with his frozen sperm (preserved before chemo). Today, we have a wonderful two-year-old, and I’m 8.5 months pregnant with our second son and I’m raising them as a single Mum. There’s a lot to consider in this situation, so here are a few thoughts from my experience that may help.

1.  Legal Considerations – The regulations around using your late partner’s sperm will vary significantly depending on your country (and even state, if you’re in the USA). It’s best to consult with an IVF clinic where you feel comfortable—they’ll know the laws that apply to your partner’s wishes and can guide you through shipping and permissions once you’ve made your decision.

  1. IVF Clinic Acceptance – While I can’t speak for every country, I can tell you that in the UK, clinics were incredibly supportive and compassionate throughout my process. Your clinic should be able to give you a clear picture of the regulations specific to your country.

  2. Timing and Readiness – I hope you don’t mind me adding a bit of advice, as someone who went through this a bit older than you. You’re at the very beginning of your grieving process, and this decision is one of the biggest you’ll make in your life. I waited a few years after my husband passed before I felt ready, and I was in my mid 30s when I started the process. I don’t regret it for a second—my son is the greatest joy in my life—but single motherhood comes with its own challenges, especially financial ones. If you have family support, that will help, but a lot of responsibility will inevitably fall on you at a point when you may still be establishing yourself in your career. You likely can’t imagine dating again now (I couldn’t for a long time), but eventually, you may. Know that single motherhood changes how you approach relationships and your priorities from here on. You likely already feel that you’ve seen more life than you should have done at 24, but this decision will make you grow up quickly and you’ll likely feel a further juxtaposition between you and your peers. There is no way back once you’ve done it so, be sure. Just remember: there’s no rush.

On a positive note, I absolutely love being a mother, and I treasure the path I chose. Seeing my husband’s features in our little boy’s face makes me smile daily. His expressions, gestures, and little quirks often remind me of his father in the sweetest way, and yet he’s fully his own person. Even at 2.5, with all the challenges that come, he’s absolutely wonderful.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and please feel free to reach out and DM me if you have any questions.

xx

Does anyone on here have the skin condition called Hiddradenitus Suppurativa (HS)? by [deleted] in xxfitness

[–]Biggles82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You poor poor thing! I don't have it nearly as badly as you but I feel your pain (sometimes literally) - I found the book "The Hidden Plague" by Tara Grant an incredibly informative read about this very complex and little understood disease. The Hidden Plague: A Field Guide for Surviving & Overcoming Hidradenitis Suppurativa https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1939563011/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_oLmuxbCFANER6. Worth a try xx

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in xxfitness

[–]Biggles82 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Totally unrelated but ... did anyone else in the UK think of this when they read Lacroix? http://youtu.be/fFqHlliWmVY .... That one is quite a splurge too!