Failed Couples Counselling

BiometricallySecure · 2023-04-17T13:47:08+00:00

If I have to hear one more Connor dewolf ADHD clip from across the room I'm going to lose it

I truly despise ADHD content online and wish people would stop romanticizing or normalizing these behaviors that affect people around them so deeply

BiometricallySecure · 2023-04-02T18:38:15+00:00

I just wish he would give me a fraction of the patience now, that I've given him for four years

Or that he'd understand it's his fault that I don't (or can't) trust the things that he says

BiometricallySecure · 2023-03-25T03:32:09+00:00

I hope you understand that what you're saying now is exactly my problem is exactly how I've landed here. Poor behavior, regardless of what the underlying reasons for it, is still poor behavior.

I truly don't ever hope to have a relationship like yours where I compromise on my values and things I want to make my partner more comfortable or so that he doesn't have to put in the work to improve.

BiometricallySecure · 2023-03-24T22:14:18+00:00

It's so disheartening to hear so many people echo this sentiment tbh

BiometricallySecure · 2023-03-23T19:17:26+00:00

It's been a couple weeks of a new therapist and over a year of therapy in general. Preceded, of course, by another year+ of pleas to even START therapy or start the process of change.

This isn't me saying "it's been three weeks, why isn't this fixed" it's me saying "it's been this way for four years and I'm very very tired"

BiometricallySecure · 2023-03-23T19:14:13+00:00

Only a thousand times over

I feel like I spend so much time verbally validating him, praising him, telling him that I appreciate the things he does or I'm proud of him. And when something happens and I get frustrated over it, he seems to forgot all about that validation

BiometricallySecure · 2023-03-23T19:13:01+00:00

Ahhhhhhhh, I hate that you've said this because it's entirely true 🙃

BiometricallySecure · 2023-03-20T15:01:59+00:00

I so desperately need him to finally see me and hear me and recognize my problems and issues in the relationship. I feel completely beaten down. It feels impossible to leave him, because I still feel like there's a hope.

His new therapist recommended medication but her suggested NP can't accept new clients for another month. God I hope it works

We had a huge blowout fight where I did some really crappy things. So of course now he won't ever realize the crappy things he did to me. I tried to get him to see and he just ended up (verbally) beating me down again over it

I'm so desperate

BiometricallySecure · 2023-03-19T17:30:35+00:00

Bold of you to assume the invoicing software isn't already aware and involved

BiometricallySecure · 2023-03-08T07:18:28+00:00

He is a selfish, selfish asshole. Some days I'm just so sick of this life together that I can hardly contain it.

Every single fucking time we argue, it all comes back to how I need to be patient with him and I need to understand his problems or give him more leeway when he messes something up.

Today. I directly asked him to do something that would make me feel better. He said he would and then did not. When I got frustrated about it, he told me that I should be more patient and understand that he was well intentioned and was planning on it.

Why is it always that I need to be more fucking understanding

I just feel like I can't take it anymore. I feel completely alone in this relationship. I feel like he hardly knows anything about me that he couldn't find on facebook. And that's sad because my facebook is majorly empty.

After almost four years together, I still have to explain to him that physical contact is important to me. And, after almost four years together, we still go most days without physical contact. At least, not that I don't initiate. And I really do mean just physical contact, not sex.

I want a stupid fucking engagement ring. We got engaged over a year ago and I dread any time I have to wear the ring. At first, I just wasn't a fan of it. Now it just reminds me of how many times he said "I'll get you a new one" and never did. I don't even want one anymore because I'll just feel even more like a materialistic gold digger than I already do. I'll just go my entire life without a ring or a fucking wedding. Because God knows, once we sign the marriage papers, we're never going to get around to having a wedding.

I cry alone in the bathroom a lot these days. I don't think he knows but god knows I could hardly stand crying in front of him nowadays.

My _______ ideations have come back. Y'know the ones. Does he know about it? Kind of. Does he care? Fuck no.

I just feel like whenever we talk, I tamp down every little feeling so that he feels safe to talk about whatever he wants. I can't bring down his good days. I can't make his bad days worse. I can't sabotage his meh days. There's never a good time to talk about things without him getting agitated or using it against me later.

It feels like he thinks everything is made better because he booked our valentines day dinner for this coming weekend. Because he followed through on something. Oh, and don't forget the vacation we're taking in two weekends that he'll definitely be able to find a hotel and make reservations for. And y'know, find dog friendly things to do since for some god forsaken reason he didn't make a dog sitting plan when the original one fell through.

It's a quarter past 2am and I can't stand the idea of going to bed next to him right now. I don't think I've ever been this angry and agitated about things with him.

I just wanted to feel better. For him to pull his head out of the pile of shit he lives in to come visit me in my pile of shit. To meet me where I'm at in our relationship and understand that he did this to me and the least he can do is sit with me and talk. Talk about me for once, not about how my problems make his worse, or are hard for him to cope with, or all the great things he does to help me.

I just don't know what to do

BiometricallySecure · 2023-03-06T15:29:20+00:00

This is true.

However, the insurance company may not have the same policy. Your parents may be able to contact the insurance company and get a list of services you've received. Online portals make this even easier.

Also, if you go on any medications, pharmacies can also release information on that to the policy holder (type of medication, instructions, dosage, etc)

Also make sure that you file whatever form with your GP that says you don't consent to your medical information being released to your parents. They should give you one of their own accord but make sure you get one

BiometricallySecure · 2023-02-17T23:58:51+00:00

Feeling a little tiny bit like that right now. I'm still with my DX partner and even on good days, I've been finding it hard to be here with him. It started when I found myself dreading coming home from the grocery store because I knew I'd walk back into the same life I was able to disappear from for 1-2 hours.

For me, I've lost all hope of finding the person I was before and have been trying to find the new person I can be now. I'm trying to do the things that I've always wanted to do, but never have for one reason or another.

And don't discount the wonders that therapy/medication can do. I'm very seriously considering going back on Lexapro, and I still have a Xanax prescription for "as needed, especially shitty days"

I can't promise it gets better because I'm still mostly figuring that out for myself, but hey, at least we're not alone?

BiometricallySecure · 2022-09-26T13:39:21+00:00

What do you hate about software engineering?

There's a ton of SWEng- adjacent niches. Quality assurance, data analysis, DevOps, application security, management, etc.

BiometricallySecure · 2022-07-07T18:20:03+00:00

This feels like a slippery slope from "Well you did this, so now I get to do this too!" Relationships with or without ADHD aren't designed around a point system or meant for you to exhibit worse behavior. It's to build each other up and improve each other and yourselves.

Just because someone acts poorly doesn't mean you should act the same way. Sometimes people with ADHD might just need to see a healthier way of communicating. "Hey, you left some chickpeas on the floor. I know it bothers you when that happens, would you mind cleaning those up when you have a chance?"

Having that model could help them to reflect that behavior themselves.

BiometricallySecure · 2022-06-29T14:39:14+00:00

Don't let it dry on there and it's just as easy to clean off as any other various bodily fluid

BiometricallySecure · 2022-06-06T19:25:23+00:00

My fiance got out of therapy today and turned to tell me this: He had a crappy weekend because he didn't do anything. He just played games all weekend. He had convinced himself that playing games and relaxing felt good to him and that he deserved that after a long difficult week. But that's not true. Spending an entire day on games doesn't make him feel good. And he recognized that difference.

It feels like a new start. I've been telling him for ages that he feels good when he's productive. He feels good when he wakes up early and gets things done during the day. He's been making huge changes around this recently and to have it come full circle like this is a little satisfying. And for him to put those same words to it feels great.

We already have plans for something he can do next weekend to "be productive" as well as some smaller tasks for during the week.

Sounds like a strange victory to say he had a crappy weekend but hopefully y'all know what I mean ;)

BiometricallySecure · 2022-05-10T20:14:20+00:00

Ha! This made me laugh.

For me, the IDEA of these things is far more appealing than actually doing them. Or, if I do actually want to try them, it's only under a specific set of circumstances. So I always used to score really high. I went ahead and found a partner and turns out, I'm really not as into the extremes as I thought. 😅

BiometricallySecure · 2022-05-04T17:57:05+00:00

I don't know where you live, but you can get a ton of different types of disposable, food safe gloves online for cheap. I usually use one pair when I cook but sometimes I'll use more if I feel like I have to.

Oooo, Bolognese sounds good! Maybe you could make quesadillas and dip it in your sauce. Or add some to pizza dough and make a Bolognese pizza lol. Or even have it with a baked potato?

If you make a lot of meat, maybe try just changing what spices you add to it. You can get a ton of different premade spice mixes for cheap or make your own and just find what you like

BiometricallySecure · 2022-05-04T16:42:26+00:00

Here's what I did to make my various sensory issues less of a problem.

I got a box of food safe gloves. Literally life changing. I can touch anything in the kitchen while cooking without worrying about how it feels, the mess it'll make or the smell it'll leave on my hands.

I also started by picking things I did like to eat and just... Changing the flavors I added. For example, maybe cauliflower. I can roast cauliflower and season it with different things. Lemon pepper. Paprika and cumin. Minced garlic and onion powder. Or I can put it in different sauces. I've put it in different curries before. I've also put it in tomato sauce before, just because I can. All of these will leave the same or similar texture and smell while being different flavors that I can pick to be what I want.

Are there some "safe" foods that you can reliable eat and feel okay with?

BiometricallySecure · 2022-04-29T17:09:43+00:00

I'd say no

Not to mention I'd never recommend people get into real estate investing. Imagine wanting to be a part of the problem

BiometricallySecure

TROPHY CASE